This is not good. Enveloped in gloom. Why have I suddenly nose-dived into wretchedness. Thought I was just about coping, but not at the moment. Just want to sob like a baby all the time. Is it the time of year I wonder. Christmas is the archetypal family festival and all around are images of happy smiling parents with their children and I just feel completely alone. Don't feel like me anymore, it's like I've been absorbed by an alien life and I just want my own back again.
Never wanted to be rich or have lots of material trappings, just only ever wanted the kids to be safe and well and happy and don't understand how it's come to this. This was definitely not in the script.
I must fight this and try to hold on to the positive.
The weather is yet again dreadful. Grey is certainly nature's wallpaper. Wonder what it's like in Afghanistan and then I just want to cry again. Churchill used to call it 'the black dog' and that's just what it feels like.
Every instinct of a parent is to protect their young and the sense of panic that accompanies your offspring being in permanent danger is excruciating. Overwhelming, unbearable, suffocating.
Must fight it. Don't like drowning emotionally like this.
Even my bloody phone appears to be conspiring, for some reason even though I access and exit it the reminder that I missed a call from C keeps returning to the screen. Would that be the last chance to speak to him for ages, or even God forbid, for ever.
H out of reach and obviously soaking wet. R languishing around looking fabulous and suddenly remembered it's her birthday this week. My how time flies.
Keep everyone safe please Lord.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
No comments:
Post a Comment