Day 50 Week 7

Felt much more positive as a result of my brief sojourn and actually felt rested and that my leg might actually be improved, and then my friend dropped me back home and obvious R has been 'entertaining' friends during my absence. After resting and being spoilt rigid it was back to reality with empty vodka bottles and used glasses everywhere and kitchen drawer broken. Am really hacked off because if she did have friends round they will probably have been noisy and that shows the most enormous disrespect for my grieving neighbour. That will teach me to switch off and relax.

Heard from H. He's gone to the cinema and is really excited about finishing his course and being commissioned an officer in the Royal Navy. One in the Army and another in the Navy - of course the standing joke is 'where's the Air Force connection?'. But then that's a completely different story.

Sat down on the sofa, after chucking away the mess, with my leg on top of a pile of cushions looking like an elderly Tiller girl and then my phone rang. Against all odds it was C. He sounded very sober and here's the conversation.

C: Hello

Me: Darling - so good to speak to you. How are you?

C: Yeh - am OK - it's a bit shit but it's OK

Me: What do you mean it's a bit shit (silence) oh realise you probably can't say

C: Well it's not like it's all shit, it's OK sometimes but hard at other times, up and down really

Me: (Changing subject) So you're back at camp - so good to hear from you - didn't think we were going to speak for ages

C: Yeh we had to pop back unexpectedly but we're off out again tomorrow, but we'll have a phone with us this time so should be able to ring you from there too

Me: Oh that's much better. Did you get the parcels?

C: Yeh the last one was R's album, it was awesome

[At C's leaving party/premature 21st I had given him a small Bible to keep with him to read if he felt worried or frightened and he had laughed and said 'typical you']

Me: So is there anything else I can send you?

[C ignored this question and then said]

C: Got to use the Bible you gave me the other day

Me: [Startled] Did you darling

C: Yeh [Pause] Something happened [Another pause] And I had to say something appropriate to my Platoon at a very difficult moment, and was actually able to use it to read to them

Me [Aware that if C had turned to the Bible then something significant must have happened] Oh darling was that formally or informally

C: It was informal and just us, but I had to say the right thing to the men, so good you gave me the Bible

I managed to stifle back the tears because we soldier's Mums must never let them worry about us, when they have got so much else, potentially many dreadful things to deal with.

Lots of love and prayers for those in danger.

Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x