Day 33 Week 5

Today could be a very tearful day but will strive to be mindful of the need to remain positive - if only to present a public face to hide private misery. Terrible night's sleep. Fitful, fearful, frightful dreams.

There is an invisible link of empathy that runs between the families of our serving forces and I could not, for one moment put thoughts of those killed and injured out of my mind. Goodness only knows how their nearest and dearest are coping. Lots of prayers for everyone.

Then, this morning I was contacted by a complete stranger whose son 'went out' on Sunday, and she told me how she is experiencing all the tumult of responses that inevitably accompany the deployment - and also how difficult it was to adjust to the situation. It was so comforting reading how she felt because in a split second I was no longer alone. I then realised there must be thousands of us out there, tucked away, invisibly attempting to lead a 'normal life' but with the constant gnawing dread that something awful might happen. It's like inhabiting two parallel universes simultaneously, one consists of the humdrum duties of everyday life and the other of unforeseen terror. Still, for the sake of our loved ones, we have to emphasise the pride and minimise the fear, or at least try to.

Several months ago I was doing assessments in the library and when I looked up, to my surprise, there was a girl soldier in combats sitting reading a magazine by the door. Went up and spoke to her and she told me she was waiting for a friend, and that she was with the RMC attached to the Grenadiers, and also that she was 'going out' three weeks later. Saw her on the news last night. Isn't life strange.

Then had another e-mail this time from my gorgeous colleague at work who regaled me with hilarious tales of bird ringing and watching. I had no idea it was such an extreme sport. Do not be fooled by the anoraks, binoculars and sandwiches because twitchers are a vicious bunch of the ruthlessly ambitious. They are quite capable of trampling small children underfoot to be the first to log something rare and unexpected. Also there can be dark undertones of misogyny - some men think you can only recognise one species from another if you have testicles. Still, bless her because she made me do what I thought I was never going to do today, and I laughed out loud.

Spoke to my dearest friend who had received a letter from Afghanistan, she e-blueys C once a week and such support is priceless. Missed another call from H who this time left a message on the answerphone and sounded a bit down. The pressure must be really mounting up right now. And Moo sent a really sweet text from uni - always delighted when she's back being nice.

Going for my walk now and will pop into our church to pray.

Hope all safe and well.

Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x