To sleep perchance to dream. Sleep, blissful sleep. Went to bed at ten thirty and didn't wake up until five thirty - a whole seven hours later. Then, wonder of wonders, had a glass of milk and went back to sleep until eight thirty. Cannot describe what it feels like to have actually achieved unconsciousness for such a long period of time.
To see golden sunshine after such dreadful weather is such a gift, it makes me want to smile.
This is all most peculiar because I don't know if it's because of the sleeping or because of the sunshine or because of whatever but have woken up with a tangible sense of inner calm. Am fully aware after C's phone call yesterday that he is almost certainly in a danger zone and provided he survives will not be able to speak to him for a very long time, but ironically I feel more like usual-me than I have done since he was deployed. It's as if our conversation emphasised just exactly to what extent the whole matter is out of my hands and I have to accept each moment for what it is, and the fact that I can actually do nothing to change anything hit well and truly home. Over to you Lord.
Read in the paper that the brave soldier who diffused the Glasgow Airport bomb in the burning vehicle has disarmed over seventy devices in Sangin so far, thirty of those whilst under gunfire. How on earth do they do it. Not a clue. But thank goodness they do. And all for thirty thousand pounds a year.
A friend told me that apparently some civil servants in the MoD have awarded themselves forty million pounds in bonuses - surely that's not the case.
H has now left Lusty and back to Dartmouth. R plus friends drove through the horrendous storm to attend a party at the uni in Portsmouth.
So enjoyable to have some time with my friends and swap frustrations and fears. The wonderful thing is no matter how fed up we are at the beginning, it's never long before we see the ridiculousness of it all and replace the moaning with laughter. Maybe that's what's brought about the change in attitude - either that or maybe I have finally flipped.
Lots of prayers for loved ones at home and abroad.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
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