Day 42 Week 8

Part 1

Insomnia. Brain numbing insomnia. Not the kind of drifting in and out of sleep and waking up every half hour or so, but the unforgiving 'I'm so exhausted yet my mind will not to let go of consciousness and my eyes won't stay still' variety. There is the most dreadful storm raging outside. The wind is banging everything around the garden and the rain is like machine gun fire. Hope everyone safe and well.

So there really is water on the moon - who'd have thought it. Actually come to think of it that was something else my brother had told me during the stroll we took a couple of weeks ago.

Saw in the paper that there have been over eighteen hundred IEDs to be dealt with around Sangin in the last year alone, tragically causing the death of many including several bomb disposal experts. These mechanical creatures are not choosey and they kill anyone, young, old, serving or civilian. The Brits have a reputation for being world leaders in the distinguished craft of explosive diffusion, and apparently far and away the worst to deal with are the amateurish bespoke appliances so favoured by the insurgency. In this perverse case homemade is a vastly superior item to the produce of manufacture - just like cooking I suppose.

Heard from H and he's sending me a surprise - that's exciting. R home and boyfriend stayed last night,. He actually got up a few minutes ago as he's working in Nottingham today, and that's why I finally admitted defeat, abandoned the mattress and came down stairs for a very early cuppa cha.

Tea delicious as ever and so now am going to see if I can finally get some shut-eye.

Part 2

Finally managed some sleep and was then woken with a jolt at quarter to eight as a massive thunder clap reverberated across the sky and actually shook my bed.

Just had the biggest bluey with R. Apparently a major part of being independent means that you have no regard for anyone else but you help yourself to vast amounts of food and provisions that the another person has provided. She never texts safe arrivals - 'will you, like, stop being so pathetic and, like, possessive' - this in response to late night motorway journeys in an old clapped out car. She never tells me whether she's coming home or not - 'I haven't decided yet and anyway that's, like, none of your business' - the only way I knew she was home yesterday was because when I returned from the hospital the kitchen was trashed and there were dirty dishes everywhere. And perish the thought she would ever ask me how I was, or if I'd like a cup of tea - she will actually make herself something and just walk past as if I didn't exist. The cliche really is true that the only time she speaks nicely is when something is wanted. God I miss my Mum.

Just had a call from C. Frantic panic as phone low on charge and so was shaking as I tried to feverishly connect the charger and not do something to lose the call. He's been busy and can't say what he's actually been doing but it was hectic. They're moving to another base and it will definitely be interesting. It's been chaos out there. People in our village want to send random parcels out to Afghanistan under the free postage scheme, to be distributed to soldier's who may not have people back home, and he said they can be sent to him and he'll hand them out. Said because of movement to new place will not be able to contact home for a long time, but would I continue to send stuff out to him at the old address. Shouted R to the phone but then call cut off.

Old friend rang up and is taking me out for a run into the country later and really need to see beautiful open space right now.

Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x