This is definitely the best weekend ever.
House full of sleeping people covering floors, sofas and every bed, including ex-husband's step-son. How very modern.
H just left to go back to Dartmouth, R chatting with a friend upstairs, I've just finished kitchen duty and fed them all, and C gone to get my car from the pub where it was left after the rugby.
Lazy, lazy day. If only it could be like this for ever.
Fellow soldier's Mum reminded me to enjoy every minute, which is just what is happening. For now, a war is a million miles away.
Thank you Lord.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Sunday 28 February 2010
Saturday 27 February 2010
Day 147 Week 20
Wow.
C unpacked his kit bag and there it all was. Desert combats, webbing, armour, boots, helmet, all smelling of a foreign land so far away and yet so connected to our lives.
Sat talking to him this morning and he is so much older than when he went out. I'd noticed, since he came back, that he'd suddenly say 'God this is weird', and he was obviously heavily preoccupied but sitting listening to him describe what they'd been through was salutary.
They helped build a road into the green-zone, so called because it's in the valley of the Helmund river and the terrain is lush and fertile as opposed to the barren arid emptiness of the desert. Well more precisely they protected the Engineers while they built the road. He had a pet dog, which he loved, but unfortunately she had to be destroyed when they moved because life was too uncertain for her. He showed me a map of the region with its alien sounding names interspersed with the all to familiar ones that we hear on the news.
He told me his men were awesome, the best bunch of guys in the world. He told me he loved them and would miss them beyond words when they're replaced. Then a friend rang who had also come home and I heard him chat about the tour and then he said he couldn't go into too graphic descriptions of what had happened because he was with his mother.
He told me he felt angry all the time, and would I forgive him if he was snappy. I told him I was so proud of him, and that even though I had tried to persuade him not to join the army, I couldn't think more highly of him under any circumstances. He showed me the St Christopher medal I'd given him, which he wore all the time on the same chord as his ID tags.
Then I went into the kitchen to make a cup of tea and I found a list he'd written on the floor next to the washing machine of all the people in the platoon, including himself, with all their blood groups next to their names.
Finally H arrived home having been on the scent of a woman, and R staggered downstairs looking unreasonably gorgeous even though she'd obviously been wrecked the night before, and I duly took up my position in the kitchen and produced endless bacon sandwiches. Took C's gorgeous girlfriend home and H, C and R gone out with a friend to our nearest town. C wants to get a plaque to take back out as a memorial to one of his friends and comrades.
God bless them all.
Anyway, on a lighter note, it's down to the pub to watch the Rugby this afternoon. Definitely got divided loyalties over the England v Ireland game.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
C unpacked his kit bag and there it all was. Desert combats, webbing, armour, boots, helmet, all smelling of a foreign land so far away and yet so connected to our lives.
Sat talking to him this morning and he is so much older than when he went out. I'd noticed, since he came back, that he'd suddenly say 'God this is weird', and he was obviously heavily preoccupied but sitting listening to him describe what they'd been through was salutary.
They helped build a road into the green-zone, so called because it's in the valley of the Helmund river and the terrain is lush and fertile as opposed to the barren arid emptiness of the desert. Well more precisely they protected the Engineers while they built the road. He had a pet dog, which he loved, but unfortunately she had to be destroyed when they moved because life was too uncertain for her. He showed me a map of the region with its alien sounding names interspersed with the all to familiar ones that we hear on the news.
He told me his men were awesome, the best bunch of guys in the world. He told me he loved them and would miss them beyond words when they're replaced. Then a friend rang who had also come home and I heard him chat about the tour and then he said he couldn't go into too graphic descriptions of what had happened because he was with his mother.
He told me he felt angry all the time, and would I forgive him if he was snappy. I told him I was so proud of him, and that even though I had tried to persuade him not to join the army, I couldn't think more highly of him under any circumstances. He showed me the St Christopher medal I'd given him, which he wore all the time on the same chord as his ID tags.
Then I went into the kitchen to make a cup of tea and I found a list he'd written on the floor next to the washing machine of all the people in the platoon, including himself, with all their blood groups next to their names.
Finally H arrived home having been on the scent of a woman, and R staggered downstairs looking unreasonably gorgeous even though she'd obviously been wrecked the night before, and I duly took up my position in the kitchen and produced endless bacon sandwiches. Took C's gorgeous girlfriend home and H, C and R gone out with a friend to our nearest town. C wants to get a plaque to take back out as a memorial to one of his friends and comrades.
God bless them all.
Anyway, on a lighter note, it's down to the pub to watch the Rugby this afternoon. Definitely got divided loyalties over the England v Ireland game.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Friday 26 February 2010
Day 146 Week 20
Is this the best day ever? If it ends as well as it began then it will be up there with the really special ones.
Slept the sleep of the cossetted innocent. Woke up this morning and was stunned yet again to realise life had morphed into a world of happiness, fun and contentment. Got ready for work and C was still slumbering with gorgeous girlfriend and the house felt fabulous. Even R was pleasant. And it was before eight o'clock in the morning, a time when usually it's strictly one snarl or two.
Drove into work, singing. Then had the two most challenging lessons of the week but they were an absolute joy and the boys were brilliant and the classes flew by in three hours of enthusiastic English and Maths accompanied by superb attitude and good manners. Read for exams in the afternoon and everyone passed really solidly.
Arrived home and if it was possible, things just got better and better. H at last home so lots more hugging and kissing, and now friends are in attendance. Went to the supermarket to buy them some nibbles and alcohol and met my boss who blew me away with her kindness and insisted on buying them a drink, as she felt sure they'd earnt it.
They've gobbled the solids and quaffed the liquids. Am now sitting at my laptop with gentle witty banter filling the air and they're getting ready to go out on the razzle.
Oh thank you God, never thought there'd be a day like this again.
Heard from fellow soldier's Mum and she said to buy him a drink too.
This is certainly one of the best.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Slept the sleep of the cossetted innocent. Woke up this morning and was stunned yet again to realise life had morphed into a world of happiness, fun and contentment. Got ready for work and C was still slumbering with gorgeous girlfriend and the house felt fabulous. Even R was pleasant. And it was before eight o'clock in the morning, a time when usually it's strictly one snarl or two.
Drove into work, singing. Then had the two most challenging lessons of the week but they were an absolute joy and the boys were brilliant and the classes flew by in three hours of enthusiastic English and Maths accompanied by superb attitude and good manners. Read for exams in the afternoon and everyone passed really solidly.
Arrived home and if it was possible, things just got better and better. H at last home so lots more hugging and kissing, and now friends are in attendance. Went to the supermarket to buy them some nibbles and alcohol and met my boss who blew me away with her kindness and insisted on buying them a drink, as she felt sure they'd earnt it.
They've gobbled the solids and quaffed the liquids. Am now sitting at my laptop with gentle witty banter filling the air and they're getting ready to go out on the razzle.
Oh thank you God, never thought there'd be a day like this again.
Heard from fellow soldier's Mum and she said to buy him a drink too.
This is certainly one of the best.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Thursday 25 February 2010
Day 145 Week 20
Well the gathering in the pub was brilliant. Over twenty people turned out on a very wet, bleak, work-night to toast his home coming and cannot thank them enough for yet another example of their unstinting support. He looked gorgeous but thin, and very tanned and goodness the desert combats are cool. Dear friend commented he looked more like he'd been on holiday than at war.
I arrived slightly late as I'd lost my glove whilst walking across the Common. R rang and demanded 'where are you', and when I told her she just said 'why the hell are you looking for a glove?'. Thought it would have been perfectly obvious. I'd dropped one when my cousin rang, lost, to ask for directions, and one thing our family is imbued with is a tremendous sense of superstition, and to have your glove picked up by another is the most dreadful bad luck. Apparently it stems from the days when gentlemen challenging for a duel would hand the aforementioned article over as a means of provoking the dispute. Nothing was to ruin this evening, real or perceived.
Anyway finally arrived at the pub with the glove and cousin found, and walked in to the old 'he's not here, he got fed up with waiting' routine at which point he jumped out, roared like a tiger and hugged me like a bear. Oh my, it was one of the most wonderful things that has happened to me for years. Sobbed and laughed simultaneously, and put my arms around him and kissed, and kissed his cheek. Could not believe I'd actually got my baby back safe and sound. In truth my daily dread for months had been that I would never ever see him again, or that he would be so completely altered that in effect it wasn't the same person at all. Just kept looking at him, not fully believing he was really there, and had to keep checking I wasn't imagining the whole thing.
C was lauded like the mini-hero to us he is, and drinks bought for him in abundance. I retired home at the respectable hour of eight thirty, and thanked the Lord for the day given. C, R and the other young ones went on and painted the town red, and I went to bed without the lead weight of misery for the first time in a very long time.
Woke up with a start at six this morning from a horrible dream which included the children's father, to a complete lack of vision and head split in half by a metaphorical dagger. Migraine. Took tablets, rang work and eventually managed to sleep it off and drive to college. Everyone so sweet, it seems I looked wonderful despite several hours of pain, and was told I hadn't stopped smiling since yesterday lunchtime. It's only when you're rid of being care-worn that you realise just how care-worn you'd become.
I know he has to go back, but my this feels good.
C went up to London this morning to see fellow soldier who's back 'out' tomorrow. H sent a message saying 'tell him not to spend all his money - we're buying that house next year. Well he can get rid of a couple of grand if he must', and R been lounging around all day in recovery.
Sadly on the way home the harshness of reality bit and heard the news and an airman and a soldier from 4 Rifles have been taken, may they RIP. When I spoke to C it transpired the rifleman was one of the guys of the friend he was visiting up in town. It's such a cruel, cruel war.
Fellow soldier's Mum said enjoy everything and make the most of the good when you have it.
With the help of God, I shall.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
I arrived slightly late as I'd lost my glove whilst walking across the Common. R rang and demanded 'where are you', and when I told her she just said 'why the hell are you looking for a glove?'. Thought it would have been perfectly obvious. I'd dropped one when my cousin rang, lost, to ask for directions, and one thing our family is imbued with is a tremendous sense of superstition, and to have your glove picked up by another is the most dreadful bad luck. Apparently it stems from the days when gentlemen challenging for a duel would hand the aforementioned article over as a means of provoking the dispute. Nothing was to ruin this evening, real or perceived.
Anyway finally arrived at the pub with the glove and cousin found, and walked in to the old 'he's not here, he got fed up with waiting' routine at which point he jumped out, roared like a tiger and hugged me like a bear. Oh my, it was one of the most wonderful things that has happened to me for years. Sobbed and laughed simultaneously, and put my arms around him and kissed, and kissed his cheek. Could not believe I'd actually got my baby back safe and sound. In truth my daily dread for months had been that I would never ever see him again, or that he would be so completely altered that in effect it wasn't the same person at all. Just kept looking at him, not fully believing he was really there, and had to keep checking I wasn't imagining the whole thing.
C was lauded like the mini-hero to us he is, and drinks bought for him in abundance. I retired home at the respectable hour of eight thirty, and thanked the Lord for the day given. C, R and the other young ones went on and painted the town red, and I went to bed without the lead weight of misery for the first time in a very long time.
Woke up with a start at six this morning from a horrible dream which included the children's father, to a complete lack of vision and head split in half by a metaphorical dagger. Migraine. Took tablets, rang work and eventually managed to sleep it off and drive to college. Everyone so sweet, it seems I looked wonderful despite several hours of pain, and was told I hadn't stopped smiling since yesterday lunchtime. It's only when you're rid of being care-worn that you realise just how care-worn you'd become.
I know he has to go back, but my this feels good.
C went up to London this morning to see fellow soldier who's back 'out' tomorrow. H sent a message saying 'tell him not to spend all his money - we're buying that house next year. Well he can get rid of a couple of grand if he must', and R been lounging around all day in recovery.
Sadly on the way home the harshness of reality bit and heard the news and an airman and a soldier from 4 Rifles have been taken, may they RIP. When I spoke to C it transpired the rifleman was one of the guys of the friend he was visiting up in town. It's such a cruel, cruel war.
Fellow soldier's Mum said enjoy everything and make the most of the good when you have it.
With the help of God, I shall.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Wednesday 24 February 2010
Day 144 Week 20
Eight thirty in the morning and fingers and toes tingling and all of a dither because R supposed to be collecting C from Brize just before lunchtime today. Must re-focus though because when I parked the car this morning at college, as I got out, I watched it gently roll away. Forgotten to put the handbrake on. Opened the door, grabbed the steering wheel and screamed as a really nice guy gallantly ran in front of the bonnet and arrested its attempt to get-away. Oops.
Now it's twelve thirty and I've just rung C's phone which leapt into life with the UK ring tone for the first time in months, and then his familiar voice said 'Ma, how are you'. Cannot being to put the emotions into words.
R driving and they've just left Brize and are thankfully heading down the A40, and he told me it felt good but really strange to be on home soil. Had a really brief converstion finishing with love you, love you and love you more. But then resumed to business as usual when, not knowing if he knew about the impromptu gathering this evening I asked him to ask R if I'm to send 'the message' out. Which he duly did and her perfectly audible background reply was 'tell her she, like, knows to tell everyone to come to the pub, and like, stop being such a freak', and C laughed and said 'did you get that Ma?'.
Colleague just asked me if there was any news and couldn't contain it any longer and just screamed 'he's back', and the most enormous cheer went round the office.
Today is a day to be cherished.
Not heard from H, but in this era of fibre optic communication assume he knows the news.
And sadly finishing on a very sombre note, heard from fellow soldier's Mum and she's going this afternoon to the funeral of her son's friend and colleague who was repatriated the day her son flew back out. May he rest in peace.
Thank you Lord for all your kindness to us.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Now it's twelve thirty and I've just rung C's phone which leapt into life with the UK ring tone for the first time in months, and then his familiar voice said 'Ma, how are you'. Cannot being to put the emotions into words.
R driving and they've just left Brize and are thankfully heading down the A40, and he told me it felt good but really strange to be on home soil. Had a really brief converstion finishing with love you, love you and love you more. But then resumed to business as usual when, not knowing if he knew about the impromptu gathering this evening I asked him to ask R if I'm to send 'the message' out. Which he duly did and her perfectly audible background reply was 'tell her she, like, knows to tell everyone to come to the pub, and like, stop being such a freak', and C laughed and said 'did you get that Ma?'.
Colleague just asked me if there was any news and couldn't contain it any longer and just screamed 'he's back', and the most enormous cheer went round the office.
Today is a day to be cherished.
Not heard from H, but in this era of fibre optic communication assume he knows the news.
And sadly finishing on a very sombre note, heard from fellow soldier's Mum and she's going this afternoon to the funeral of her son's friend and colleague who was repatriated the day her son flew back out. May he rest in peace.
Thank you Lord for all your kindness to us.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Tuesday 23 February 2010
Day 143 Week 20
Well this is almost intolerable. Plane still broken and no C home.
Not sure if it's today or tomorrow or even the day after that. Spontaneous gathering in the local pub rescheduled from Monday evening to Tuesday evening and hopefully now it will be Wednesday evening.
Have been limping to yesterday morning since he first went out there and to have the arrival point constantly nudged out of the way is horrible. I just want to scream.
Everyone at work being really sweet and supportive and that helps enormously. People are gently smiling and saying 'any news?', and the only answer possible is alas 'no'. Am just hoping they give him the time back at the other side of the period he was granted, please don't say he'll be cut short as well as messed around. A colleague just reminded me to keep my pecker up and then asked where mine was and the only thing I could say was 'all over the bloody place'. God I hate these shifting finishing lines.
A dreadful car bomb has been set off by rebel Republicans in Northern Ireland and apparently it was a miracle no one was killed. Also see that there is a conference in South America and Argentina has tabled a vote of sanction against British oil exploration, with Venezuela leaping in offering military support against what it perceives as 'imperialistic tyranny'. There must be something in the air at the moment, everything is so aggressive.
Keep checking my phone and e-mails but still no news. Keep trying to retain a spiritual aspect by reminding myself that everything happens for a reason and there was a purpose to him not flying home when initially intended. And as my dear colleague pointed out it's better that the plane broke down on the ground rather than at thirty-five thousand feet in the air.
And now the French air traffic controllers have gone on strike and hope and pray that won't delay everything even further.
The weather's grey and bleak and claggy and it's freezing cold and H says the air force are always unreliable, but somehow feel he's jaundiced.
Fellow soldier's Mum really kind, friends as ever overwhelming, and family constantly sending messages of love.
Just got home and R so sweet and the house really warm and cosy and good to walk into, but just lacking in something somehow.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Not sure if it's today or tomorrow or even the day after that. Spontaneous gathering in the local pub rescheduled from Monday evening to Tuesday evening and hopefully now it will be Wednesday evening.
Have been limping to yesterday morning since he first went out there and to have the arrival point constantly nudged out of the way is horrible. I just want to scream.
Everyone at work being really sweet and supportive and that helps enormously. People are gently smiling and saying 'any news?', and the only answer possible is alas 'no'. Am just hoping they give him the time back at the other side of the period he was granted, please don't say he'll be cut short as well as messed around. A colleague just reminded me to keep my pecker up and then asked where mine was and the only thing I could say was 'all over the bloody place'. God I hate these shifting finishing lines.
A dreadful car bomb has been set off by rebel Republicans in Northern Ireland and apparently it was a miracle no one was killed. Also see that there is a conference in South America and Argentina has tabled a vote of sanction against British oil exploration, with Venezuela leaping in offering military support against what it perceives as 'imperialistic tyranny'. There must be something in the air at the moment, everything is so aggressive.
Keep checking my phone and e-mails but still no news. Keep trying to retain a spiritual aspect by reminding myself that everything happens for a reason and there was a purpose to him not flying home when initially intended. And as my dear colleague pointed out it's better that the plane broke down on the ground rather than at thirty-five thousand feet in the air.
And now the French air traffic controllers have gone on strike and hope and pray that won't delay everything even further.
The weather's grey and bleak and claggy and it's freezing cold and H says the air force are always unreliable, but somehow feel he's jaundiced.
Fellow soldier's Mum really kind, friends as ever overwhelming, and family constantly sending messages of love.
Just got home and R so sweet and the house really warm and cosy and good to walk into, but just lacking in something somehow.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Monday 22 February 2010
Day 142 Week 20
I feel like a zombie. C due to arrive at eight thirty this morning and then it was delayed until lunchtime, and then it was pushed back to tea time, and following that the postponement was to late this evening, and just heard from R it will now be tomorrow at the earliest.
Did not sleep a wink last night and today feels like I'm dead from the neck upwards.
Completely appreciate that the transportation capacity is rationed, and if something more pressing than a soldier going home on leave comes up then obviously that will take priority, but the sense of anti-climax is stifling.
Must hold on to the thought that God willing he's safe and at least presumably not on duty on the front line, but had so set myself up for seeing him tonight that it's been a huge tumble in morale to change plans and be denied him at the very last moment. Really want to howl like a baby, but fortunately am at work and it's the second half of a split lunchtime, and have no alternative but to remain professional and hold it together. Just have to think of the poor souls who only come home draped in a flag to put things into perspective. God bless them.
All the best things in life are worth waiting for and patience is a virtue.
Just received a message from C which is less than complimentary about the RAF, and H thinks flying should be left to the Army and Navy. Guess the setback could be due to technical difficulties afterall. Still you win some you loose some, and the Navy's technical hitch allowed H to be home for C's party prior to this whole topsey turvey sojourn. And must cling on to the fact that please God everyone's well and in all reality this is only really an inconvenience.
H hacked off. R really patient and keeping me up to date. And fellow soldier's Mum sends her love.
Please God we all sleep safe and sound tonight.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Did not sleep a wink last night and today feels like I'm dead from the neck upwards.
Completely appreciate that the transportation capacity is rationed, and if something more pressing than a soldier going home on leave comes up then obviously that will take priority, but the sense of anti-climax is stifling.
Must hold on to the thought that God willing he's safe and at least presumably not on duty on the front line, but had so set myself up for seeing him tonight that it's been a huge tumble in morale to change plans and be denied him at the very last moment. Really want to howl like a baby, but fortunately am at work and it's the second half of a split lunchtime, and have no alternative but to remain professional and hold it together. Just have to think of the poor souls who only come home draped in a flag to put things into perspective. God bless them.
All the best things in life are worth waiting for and patience is a virtue.
Just received a message from C which is less than complimentary about the RAF, and H thinks flying should be left to the Army and Navy. Guess the setback could be due to technical difficulties afterall. Still you win some you loose some, and the Navy's technical hitch allowed H to be home for C's party prior to this whole topsey turvey sojourn. And must cling on to the fact that please God everyone's well and in all reality this is only really an inconvenience.
H hacked off. R really patient and keeping me up to date. And fellow soldier's Mum sends her love.
Please God we all sleep safe and sound tonight.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Sunday 21 February 2010
Day 141 Week 20
Went as planned to the soothing calm of the Cathedral in St Albans and lit a candle in the eponymous tomb, accompanied by the unexpected treat of the angelic choir rehearsing a performance to be given last night and then walked around the Roman remains and tried to hold on to the thought that he really was coming home. Drove back around the M25 and fought back the tears of gratitude.
Wonder where he is now. It's twenty four hours nearer to his homecoming and it's Sunday evening with R home ready for the arrival and collection in the early hours of tomorrow morning.
Really can't believe he's on his way home.
Had a lovely day today. Tried to find the river people but they'd moved upstream and so missed them and instead went shopping for all C's favourites. Pain au chocolate, ingredients for bangers and mash, mozzarella pasta bake and California risotto, Budweiser and honey nut loops. Have been advised by fellow soldiers' Mums that their appetite shrinks enormously, but it was such a comfort to gather in all his choicest nosh.
Still can't really believe he's coming home.
Then took my dear neighbour to the dump and helped him clear out some of the clutter after the death of his wife and was shocked to realise it was three months ago. And after that, fabulous four mile walk around the Chilterns with a stop off at a gorgeous pub on the way back with a dear friend and her daughter.
And now am so excited because I'm beginning to realise that by some miracle, he really may well be most of the way home.
Another dear friend's son is leaving tonight to begin a rock tour of Europe supporting quite a large band, so it's a really special day for her and just wish them all well.
Can't explain what today feels like.
Not heard from H and fellow soldier's Mum said enjoy every minute of him being back and away from the awfulness.
Thank you Lord.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Wonder where he is now. It's twenty four hours nearer to his homecoming and it's Sunday evening with R home ready for the arrival and collection in the early hours of tomorrow morning.
Really can't believe he's on his way home.
Had a lovely day today. Tried to find the river people but they'd moved upstream and so missed them and instead went shopping for all C's favourites. Pain au chocolate, ingredients for bangers and mash, mozzarella pasta bake and California risotto, Budweiser and honey nut loops. Have been advised by fellow soldiers' Mums that their appetite shrinks enormously, but it was such a comfort to gather in all his choicest nosh.
Still can't really believe he's coming home.
Then took my dear neighbour to the dump and helped him clear out some of the clutter after the death of his wife and was shocked to realise it was three months ago. And after that, fabulous four mile walk around the Chilterns with a stop off at a gorgeous pub on the way back with a dear friend and her daughter.
And now am so excited because I'm beginning to realise that by some miracle, he really may well be most of the way home.
Another dear friend's son is leaving tonight to begin a rock tour of Europe supporting quite a large band, so it's a really special day for her and just wish them all well.
Can't explain what today feels like.
Not heard from H and fellow soldier's Mum said enjoy every minute of him being back and away from the awfulness.
Thank you Lord.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Saturday 20 February 2010
Day 140 Week 19
The day is beautiful, bright golden sunshine and there's such a bite of crisp cold in the air, and I can't settle to anything.
Heard via the virtual communications network that C is on his way home and cannot describe what it feels like. Utter elation combined with waves of spontaneous bawling tinged with disbelief that I may, actually, get to see my baby boy again. Gave him a St Christopher medal before he went out, and hope the patron saint of travellers keeps up the good work and carries him home safely.
Am off to St Albans and will light a candle and pray that we continue to be blessed with such kindness.
Britain won a gold medal at the winter Olympics, and the Dutch Government has resigned because an agreement on extending their presence in Afghanistan cannot be reached. Apparently there have been over twenty Dutch soldiers lost out there and am suddenly arrested by the thought that there must be clusters of families going through what we're going through in scattered countries all over the world.
The anticipation is excruciating. Am like a child on Christmas Eve who just wants everything immediately. Must keep busy.
H in exactly the same condition. R in exactly the same condition. And C a third of the way back six hours ago, whatever that means.
Poor fellow soldier's Mum really down and she told me it's harder during the second part than the first.
And I'm trying to ignore the little gremlin at the back of my mind who keeps reminding me he, too, will have to go back.
Thank you Lord and more of the same, please.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Heard via the virtual communications network that C is on his way home and cannot describe what it feels like. Utter elation combined with waves of spontaneous bawling tinged with disbelief that I may, actually, get to see my baby boy again. Gave him a St Christopher medal before he went out, and hope the patron saint of travellers keeps up the good work and carries him home safely.
Am off to St Albans and will light a candle and pray that we continue to be blessed with such kindness.
Britain won a gold medal at the winter Olympics, and the Dutch Government has resigned because an agreement on extending their presence in Afghanistan cannot be reached. Apparently there have been over twenty Dutch soldiers lost out there and am suddenly arrested by the thought that there must be clusters of families going through what we're going through in scattered countries all over the world.
The anticipation is excruciating. Am like a child on Christmas Eve who just wants everything immediately. Must keep busy.
H in exactly the same condition. R in exactly the same condition. And C a third of the way back six hours ago, whatever that means.
Poor fellow soldier's Mum really down and she told me it's harder during the second part than the first.
And I'm trying to ignore the little gremlin at the back of my mind who keeps reminding me he, too, will have to go back.
Thank you Lord and more of the same, please.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Friday 19 February 2010
Day 139 Week 19
Unfortunately yesterday ended on an anxious note. Had heard from fellow soldier's Mum and it transpired her son was attached to the Coldstreams and literally a second later heard that one had been killed. Mercifully it wasn't her boy, but it most definitely was someone's and can only shudder to think how they must now be feeling. And then woke this morning to discover not one but two have perished in the last twenty four hours. May their souls RIP.
Last day of half term and am going for a walk by the river and then to a lovely riverside pub for a bite to eat with a dear friend, and cannot seem to settle to anything. Brain butterflying all over the place. Foot won't stop tapping. Concentration span the length of gnat's. It's tantalising to have the temporary finishing post so near and yet in reality so very, very far, and of course 'temporary' is the defining word here because he has to go back.
Keep holding on to H's advice about being busy and occupying the thoughts productively. My old school motto was 'manu et mente', or 'by hand and by mind', so all these years down the line will try to apply its dictum.
Am going to join a friend and help clear out our local river on Sunday. There's a local legend that it disappears when war is imminent, as it did in the summer of nineteen thirty nine, when the women of the village prayed over the dried up bed for its return. Of course the real reason for its emergence and departure is to do with our local geology of chalk and shifting water tables, but the fact that it has been absent for some months now, is nothing to do with international developments and more to do with its stewardship. Well let's hope that's the case. Am quite excited about donning wellies and scrabbling about the countryside, be like going back to youth and frogspawning by the railway line at home.
Wonder if it's true that the best things in life are free?
See that loads more UFO files have been released into the public domain, maybe my brother wasn't so far off the mark afterall.
Not heard from H. Not heard from R. And not heard from C.
They're never out of my thoughts and prayers though.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Last day of half term and am going for a walk by the river and then to a lovely riverside pub for a bite to eat with a dear friend, and cannot seem to settle to anything. Brain butterflying all over the place. Foot won't stop tapping. Concentration span the length of gnat's. It's tantalising to have the temporary finishing post so near and yet in reality so very, very far, and of course 'temporary' is the defining word here because he has to go back.
Keep holding on to H's advice about being busy and occupying the thoughts productively. My old school motto was 'manu et mente', or 'by hand and by mind', so all these years down the line will try to apply its dictum.
Am going to join a friend and help clear out our local river on Sunday. There's a local legend that it disappears when war is imminent, as it did in the summer of nineteen thirty nine, when the women of the village prayed over the dried up bed for its return. Of course the real reason for its emergence and departure is to do with our local geology of chalk and shifting water tables, but the fact that it has been absent for some months now, is nothing to do with international developments and more to do with its stewardship. Well let's hope that's the case. Am quite excited about donning wellies and scrabbling about the countryside, be like going back to youth and frogspawning by the railway line at home.
Wonder if it's true that the best things in life are free?
See that loads more UFO files have been released into the public domain, maybe my brother wasn't so far off the mark afterall.
Not heard from H. Not heard from R. And not heard from C.
They're never out of my thoughts and prayers though.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Thursday 18 February 2010
Day 138 Week 19
The knowledge that C could be so close to coming home, albeit for a temporary respite, has had the paradoxical effect of increasing anxiety levels. Odd, I know, in that you would assume to be hopefully as close to an event so keenly anticipated and prayed for would be heaven, but what happens in reality is the whisper of fear which never actually leaves the mind grows louder and louder.
Oh God please, please keep him safe.
See the Sun is finally on the case of what it calls 'Argy-Bargy 2'. Front page headline 'Task Force 2 - Navy rush to the Falklands', then an 'exclusive' story of how more RN ships are being sent to the South Atlantic in response to Argentine claims of sovereignty. More stirring reassurance on the inside pages where an anonymous 'senior Naval source' explained the type 42 destroyer HMS York was being despatched to support oil exploration drilling, and if anything does kick off we don't have to worry because 'the Navy are there to stop them'. Great. Cannot believe we seriously may be tumbling into the third war of the decade. What on earth is happening?
And are we really prepared to defend those islands? Admittedly now they are almost certainly of an increased strategic value, but in total our military presence consists of four ships, one company of soldiers and four Eurofighters. The Sun kindly points out that this is in comparison with Argentine resources of twenty-three ships, forty thousand soldiers, and nearly two hundred and fifty aircraft.
And the figures for the economy came out today and we're even more broke than was feared.
Popped into our local church this lunchtime and the Vicar was giving a history lesson to a group of schoolchildren. It would seem our village was always regarded as important and a church has stood on its site for well over a thousand years. The original was wooden and was replaced by a stone building in the Norman times when William the Conqueror gave the manor to his brother, but unfortunately that was destroyed in a storm and the sweet little structure we have now is relatively new as it was only built in seventeen hundred.
The vicar described the structure of ecclesiastical architecture and seemingly the nave is so named because when inverted it has the appearance of an ark or boat, and the Latin word for that is navis, hence the derivative Navy.
Had a long chat with H and he's anxious about C too, and hopes his frame of mind hasn't been altered by what he's experienced. Had a chat with R about arrangements and we may car swap when she goes to Brize. No news from C.
Heard from fellow soldier's Mum and we're in just about the same frame of mind. Weather horrendous and had a therapeutic trip to the dump again.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Oh God please, please keep him safe.
See the Sun is finally on the case of what it calls 'Argy-Bargy 2'. Front page headline 'Task Force 2 - Navy rush to the Falklands', then an 'exclusive' story of how more RN ships are being sent to the South Atlantic in response to Argentine claims of sovereignty. More stirring reassurance on the inside pages where an anonymous 'senior Naval source' explained the type 42 destroyer HMS York was being despatched to support oil exploration drilling, and if anything does kick off we don't have to worry because 'the Navy are there to stop them'. Great. Cannot believe we seriously may be tumbling into the third war of the decade. What on earth is happening?
And are we really prepared to defend those islands? Admittedly now they are almost certainly of an increased strategic value, but in total our military presence consists of four ships, one company of soldiers and four Eurofighters. The Sun kindly points out that this is in comparison with Argentine resources of twenty-three ships, forty thousand soldiers, and nearly two hundred and fifty aircraft.
And the figures for the economy came out today and we're even more broke than was feared.
Popped into our local church this lunchtime and the Vicar was giving a history lesson to a group of schoolchildren. It would seem our village was always regarded as important and a church has stood on its site for well over a thousand years. The original was wooden and was replaced by a stone building in the Norman times when William the Conqueror gave the manor to his brother, but unfortunately that was destroyed in a storm and the sweet little structure we have now is relatively new as it was only built in seventeen hundred.
The vicar described the structure of ecclesiastical architecture and seemingly the nave is so named because when inverted it has the appearance of an ark or boat, and the Latin word for that is navis, hence the derivative Navy.
Had a long chat with H and he's anxious about C too, and hopes his frame of mind hasn't been altered by what he's experienced. Had a chat with R about arrangements and we may car swap when she goes to Brize. No news from C.
Heard from fellow soldier's Mum and we're in just about the same frame of mind. Weather horrendous and had a therapeutic trip to the dump again.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Wednesday 17 February 2010
Day 137 Week 19
So, someone used stolen ID from UK residents to produce bogus passports to kill a Hammas commander in Dubai. Argentina is making louder rumblings about the Falklands in the light of problems on their domestic front and the likelihood of vast wealth under the sea. And the Talliban are using women and children as human shields placing them on top of buildings which they occupy.
The world seems to be careering towards self destruction, or was it always like this and we just didn't know so much.
Had an absolutely fabulous day. A dear friend drove us up to my home village in Nottinghamshire, couldn't decide whether to go today or Friday, but weather outlook slightly grim towards the weekend so we trundled up the M1 catching up on all the gossip. Then we had lunch in the ancient pub which was once run by my great-uncle. He came to it as recompense for saving the life of the local squire during the Boer War by crawling out into no-man's land and returning to camp with the wounded officer. Lauded a hero by the local newspaper, the village band turned out to greet him upon his return, and my grandfather who was a young boy at the time was heartily sickened by it all. Interesting to see the old photographs and strange to think how often my predecessors had toasted each other in the very room where we had lunch. After that we visited the rain strewn hillside which is where my parents and grand parents are buried, wind and sleet lashing our faces before we set off back down an obedient motorway and now am ready for a lovely hot bath, pyjamas and bed.
We discussed the yearning that draws an adult back to haunts of childhood and decided it's based on a premise of perceived safety and the attraction of a simpler life. Was it really safer then, or have the rosy tinted glasses of memory tainted the truth. Life in my home village could be quite challenging and compared with the leafy gentility of where I live now, things were hard. There was a lot of poverty and opportunities were desperately limited. A trip to London
was the height of exotica and word soon swept around if someone actually went abroad on holiday. Wonder what people do for work now that the main employers of mining, milling or the brewery have gone, there doesn't seem to be much new industry to replace the old giants. Found I was looking at the pinched faces of strangers and trying to identify them in case they were somehow connected to my past. Definitely nostalgic yearning.
Heard from H and he wants me to do some business transactions for him. Heard from R and she may, with God on our side, be collecting C from Brize Norton next Tuesday morning.
Just want them home please Lord.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
The world seems to be careering towards self destruction, or was it always like this and we just didn't know so much.
Had an absolutely fabulous day. A dear friend drove us up to my home village in Nottinghamshire, couldn't decide whether to go today or Friday, but weather outlook slightly grim towards the weekend so we trundled up the M1 catching up on all the gossip. Then we had lunch in the ancient pub which was once run by my great-uncle. He came to it as recompense for saving the life of the local squire during the Boer War by crawling out into no-man's land and returning to camp with the wounded officer. Lauded a hero by the local newspaper, the village band turned out to greet him upon his return, and my grandfather who was a young boy at the time was heartily sickened by it all. Interesting to see the old photographs and strange to think how often my predecessors had toasted each other in the very room where we had lunch. After that we visited the rain strewn hillside which is where my parents and grand parents are buried, wind and sleet lashing our faces before we set off back down an obedient motorway and now am ready for a lovely hot bath, pyjamas and bed.
We discussed the yearning that draws an adult back to haunts of childhood and decided it's based on a premise of perceived safety and the attraction of a simpler life. Was it really safer then, or have the rosy tinted glasses of memory tainted the truth. Life in my home village could be quite challenging and compared with the leafy gentility of where I live now, things were hard. There was a lot of poverty and opportunities were desperately limited. A trip to London
was the height of exotica and word soon swept around if someone actually went abroad on holiday. Wonder what people do for work now that the main employers of mining, milling or the brewery have gone, there doesn't seem to be much new industry to replace the old giants. Found I was looking at the pinched faces of strangers and trying to identify them in case they were somehow connected to my past. Definitely nostalgic yearning.
Heard from H and he wants me to do some business transactions for him. Heard from R and she may, with God on our side, be collecting C from Brize Norton next Tuesday morning.
Just want them home please Lord.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Tuesday 16 February 2010
Day 136 Week 19
It wasn't just one death announced yesterday, it was two. The second poor lad was a Rifleman from 3 Rifles, and he was another volunteer TA guy - actually a policeman in the day job. May God rest their souls. Gone but not forgotten.
Can only think 'there but for the Grace of God go we'.
My friend and colleague from work sent a really positive message and her husband was a policeman in London during the horrendous rioting in the nineteen-eighties, and she said she was frantic with worry every time he went to work but often they were just sitting around waiting for things to happen. Wonder if that's what it's like for C. Surely to goodness they can't be active all the time. Saw sleeping soldiers on the news and they were literally just lying on their kit on the sandy rugged earth where once they stood, and they were completely spark-out despite the uncomfortable conditions and the enormous din surrounding them.
Please let them come home safely Lord.
Just been for a walk around our village and yet again am blown away by everyone's love and support for C. Called in at the local shop and the shopkeeper wanted to know the latest news, and then bumped in a dear friend and she gave a hug and said C was never out of her thoughts, then met my neighbours and despite being close we hardly ever see each other because of constraints of time, and they wanted an update. We are so fortunate to live in such a close knit community. I wonder if C knows how many people are routing for him and his colleagues back home.
See that all US officers have to read the 'Seven Pillars of Wisdom' by TE Lawrence. It's the autobiography of Lawrence of Arabia and is regarded as a seminal piece of literature covering Arab practices and customs and provides an invaluable insight into the people we are working with and fighting against. My grandfather knew Lawrence and indeed he was killed in May 1935 on a motorcycle which was manufactured by a company my family were linked to. Lawrence rejected all the fame and adulation his exploits during the Arab revolt in Sudan provided him with and when he died he had resigned his commission and had served as a regular aircraftman in the RAF. I remember as a child seeing his headdress and opium pipe at my cousin's house and who would have thought my son would end up fighting in conditions so similar to those experienced by Lawrence at the start of the twentieth century. Wonder if C has read the 'Seven Pillars'.
Heard from H and he's working terrifically hard but still loves it. Not heard from R but just found a receipt for a holiday in the summer. No news from C and fellow soldier's Mum and I are really struggling just now. Guess everyone is.
Was going up to Nottinghamshire tomorrow but now on hold because more of the dreaded white stuff maybe on the way.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Can only think 'there but for the Grace of God go we'.
My friend and colleague from work sent a really positive message and her husband was a policeman in London during the horrendous rioting in the nineteen-eighties, and she said she was frantic with worry every time he went to work but often they were just sitting around waiting for things to happen. Wonder if that's what it's like for C. Surely to goodness they can't be active all the time. Saw sleeping soldiers on the news and they were literally just lying on their kit on the sandy rugged earth where once they stood, and they were completely spark-out despite the uncomfortable conditions and the enormous din surrounding them.
Please let them come home safely Lord.
Just been for a walk around our village and yet again am blown away by everyone's love and support for C. Called in at the local shop and the shopkeeper wanted to know the latest news, and then bumped in a dear friend and she gave a hug and said C was never out of her thoughts, then met my neighbours and despite being close we hardly ever see each other because of constraints of time, and they wanted an update. We are so fortunate to live in such a close knit community. I wonder if C knows how many people are routing for him and his colleagues back home.
See that all US officers have to read the 'Seven Pillars of Wisdom' by TE Lawrence. It's the autobiography of Lawrence of Arabia and is regarded as a seminal piece of literature covering Arab practices and customs and provides an invaluable insight into the people we are working with and fighting against. My grandfather knew Lawrence and indeed he was killed in May 1935 on a motorcycle which was manufactured by a company my family were linked to. Lawrence rejected all the fame and adulation his exploits during the Arab revolt in Sudan provided him with and when he died he had resigned his commission and had served as a regular aircraftman in the RAF. I remember as a child seeing his headdress and opium pipe at my cousin's house and who would have thought my son would end up fighting in conditions so similar to those experienced by Lawrence at the start of the twentieth century. Wonder if C has read the 'Seven Pillars'.
Heard from H and he's working terrifically hard but still loves it. Not heard from R but just found a receipt for a holiday in the summer. No news from C and fellow soldier's Mum and I are really struggling just now. Guess everyone is.
Was going up to Nottinghamshire tomorrow but now on hold because more of the dreaded white stuff maybe on the way.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Monday 15 February 2010
Day 135 Week 19
Well the feared bloodbath in Afghanistan has not yet materialised, and please God that will continue to be so. Twelve civilians tragically killed during a Nato rocket strike though and that will create anger in grief as well as discord. The area is riddled with explosives and that's slowing progress down, apparently we will not know for another year whether everything has worked out as planned.
Dreadful train crash in Belgium when two commuter trains collided during the morning rush hour. More unexpected devastation. Wouldn't it be wonderful if the world was full of nothing but good news, a balming utopia, but alas life doesn't work like that.
Absolutely fabulous to see my cousin and her very generous partner. Arrived to champagne and homemade sloe-vodka cocktails, followed by lunch of lobster salad accompanied with copious amounts of delicious red wine. Then the bobberty-bobberty ride over the fields to the ancient pub, and back home to delicious roast chicken, trimmings and the most mouth-watering chocolate mouse ever. Lots of really good reassuring conversation and felt briefly buoyed with confidence, but then on the journey home began to feel infected with anxiety again, and back to being terrified by the unknown magnified by received wisdom via the television.
Kept looking at the beautiful Buckinghamshire countryside as I drove south and even on a cold, wet, grey day, it looked stunning. C loves his homeland and said lots of prayers that he will enjoy it once again, once all this hideousness is out of the way dv.
Got massively lost in Aylesbury. Don't know what it is about the place but always have an attack of brain-swipe and end up going round and round the one way system and inner ring road. Think absolutely nothing about driving up to central London, and can successfully navigate myself around without resorting to the A to Z, but show me Aylesbury and I go to pieces and loose the plot.
Just heard a soldier from the Duke of Lancaster's was killed yesterday, may he RIP. More shattered lives.
Not heard from H, C or R.
Please keep them safe Lord.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Dreadful train crash in Belgium when two commuter trains collided during the morning rush hour. More unexpected devastation. Wouldn't it be wonderful if the world was full of nothing but good news, a balming utopia, but alas life doesn't work like that.
Absolutely fabulous to see my cousin and her very generous partner. Arrived to champagne and homemade sloe-vodka cocktails, followed by lunch of lobster salad accompanied with copious amounts of delicious red wine. Then the bobberty-bobberty ride over the fields to the ancient pub, and back home to delicious roast chicken, trimmings and the most mouth-watering chocolate mouse ever. Lots of really good reassuring conversation and felt briefly buoyed with confidence, but then on the journey home began to feel infected with anxiety again, and back to being terrified by the unknown magnified by received wisdom via the television.
Kept looking at the beautiful Buckinghamshire countryside as I drove south and even on a cold, wet, grey day, it looked stunning. C loves his homeland and said lots of prayers that he will enjoy it once again, once all this hideousness is out of the way dv.
Got massively lost in Aylesbury. Don't know what it is about the place but always have an attack of brain-swipe and end up going round and round the one way system and inner ring road. Think absolutely nothing about driving up to central London, and can successfully navigate myself around without resorting to the A to Z, but show me Aylesbury and I go to pieces and loose the plot.
Just heard a soldier from the Duke of Lancaster's was killed yesterday, may he RIP. More shattered lives.
Not heard from H, C or R.
Please keep them safe Lord.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Sunday 14 February 2010
Day 134 Week 19
One British soldier killed and another Nato combatant died too, may they RIP. Of course the real miracle is that so far only two have perished, not that this would be a comfort to the families involved.
Seemingly the Talliban have scarpered but have left scores and scores of hidden explosive devices to do their bidding anonymously. The considered opinion is that this is a 'honeymoon', what an apt analogy on St Valentine's day.
Can't eat, can't sleep and bursting into tears for no reason yet again.
Heard from H and he's working very hard, knows about the operation but is trying to put it out of his mind and is very busy. R asleep upstairs, and I'm off to spend the night with my gorgeous cousin and her partner in their beautiful house in the country.
No news from or about C, thank God.
God speed and good luck to them indeed.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Seemingly the Talliban have scarpered but have left scores and scores of hidden explosive devices to do their bidding anonymously. The considered opinion is that this is a 'honeymoon', what an apt analogy on St Valentine's day.
Can't eat, can't sleep and bursting into tears for no reason yet again.
Heard from H and he's working very hard, knows about the operation but is trying to put it out of his mind and is very busy. R asleep upstairs, and I'm off to spend the night with my gorgeous cousin and her partner in their beautiful house in the country.
No news from or about C, thank God.
God speed and good luck to them indeed.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Saturday 13 February 2010
Day 133 Week 18
Well it's finally begun for real. The biggest operation out there ever. Four thousand British involved and they started flying them in last night. Moshtarak means together and let's hope it doesn't rip us apart.
Actually haven't slept - News 24 a mixed blessing. It keeps you informed minute by minute, hour by hour, but it's completely addictive. Fellow soldier's Mum been up all night too and wonder how many nocturnal mothers, wives and girlfriends there were keeping the digital vigil. And of course fathers, brothers and boyfriends, wonder if the masculine version of removed involvement manifests itself in the same reaction.
The prior publicity was a calculated risk to try and prevent as many civilian casualties as possible, but the 'signposting' has been controversial. Telling your enemy just exactly what you intend to do runs contrary to the usual strategy of warfare. Pre-emptive strike or 'blitzkrieg' meaning lightning-war, with the element of the totally unexpected has long been acknowledged as the most efficient method of attack. But the new policy out there is to try to build bridges with the locals and not regard them as separate from the struggle, 'hearts and minds' being the tactic to long term success. Well that's the theory.
Although, mercifully, things seem to have gone better than expected so far, it would appear that the local population have fled the battlezone along with the Talliban, so despite a larger area being secured than expected, there are no hearts and minds left to be nurtured. Panther's Claw was the last big push and although it was nominally successful, with horrendous consequences for the casualty rate, gradually the Talliban have returned to their homeland as there was no policy of maintaining stabilisation after the hostilities ceased. This time though, the ANA will step in and that should hopefully fill the gap.
The sight of the soldiers amassed in front of their commanding officer on the eve of battle, with the roll call of regiments included was the key to the tears flowing. They look so young and we expose them to such horrors.
On a lighter note it's the twenty-first party of a dearest friend's son tonight, and he's one of C's oldest and best buddies so will go along to wish him well on the symbolic entrance to his adult life, and toast absent friends.
Can't decide whether to go for a walk or snuggle up for snooze this afternoon. Do I sound old? Probably, but it's the fall out from watching TV all night.
A poor athlete from Georgia was killed in a training session prior to the opening ceremony of the Winter Olympics yesterday RIP, but after much soul-searching the luge event will go ahead in his honour. Who would have thought that he would be the headline death today, the twist of cruelty which fate imparts just goes to show you never really know.
R just arrived home afterall, and she looks very tired. Not heard from H but am about to e-mail him. Phone welded to my side but somehow think C may not be able to ring home today.
God bless them all.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum
Actually haven't slept - News 24 a mixed blessing. It keeps you informed minute by minute, hour by hour, but it's completely addictive. Fellow soldier's Mum been up all night too and wonder how many nocturnal mothers, wives and girlfriends there were keeping the digital vigil. And of course fathers, brothers and boyfriends, wonder if the masculine version of removed involvement manifests itself in the same reaction.
The prior publicity was a calculated risk to try and prevent as many civilian casualties as possible, but the 'signposting' has been controversial. Telling your enemy just exactly what you intend to do runs contrary to the usual strategy of warfare. Pre-emptive strike or 'blitzkrieg' meaning lightning-war, with the element of the totally unexpected has long been acknowledged as the most efficient method of attack. But the new policy out there is to try to build bridges with the locals and not regard them as separate from the struggle, 'hearts and minds' being the tactic to long term success. Well that's the theory.
Although, mercifully, things seem to have gone better than expected so far, it would appear that the local population have fled the battlezone along with the Talliban, so despite a larger area being secured than expected, there are no hearts and minds left to be nurtured. Panther's Claw was the last big push and although it was nominally successful, with horrendous consequences for the casualty rate, gradually the Talliban have returned to their homeland as there was no policy of maintaining stabilisation after the hostilities ceased. This time though, the ANA will step in and that should hopefully fill the gap.
The sight of the soldiers amassed in front of their commanding officer on the eve of battle, with the roll call of regiments included was the key to the tears flowing. They look so young and we expose them to such horrors.
On a lighter note it's the twenty-first party of a dearest friend's son tonight, and he's one of C's oldest and best buddies so will go along to wish him well on the symbolic entrance to his adult life, and toast absent friends.
Can't decide whether to go for a walk or snuggle up for snooze this afternoon. Do I sound old? Probably, but it's the fall out from watching TV all night.
A poor athlete from Georgia was killed in a training session prior to the opening ceremony of the Winter Olympics yesterday RIP, but after much soul-searching the luge event will go ahead in his honour. Who would have thought that he would be the headline death today, the twist of cruelty which fate imparts just goes to show you never really know.
R just arrived home afterall, and she looks very tired. Not heard from H but am about to e-mail him. Phone welded to my side but somehow think C may not be able to ring home today.
God bless them all.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum
Friday 12 February 2010
Day 132 Week 18
Goodness it's cold, real brass monkey's weather as they used to say up north.
Work interesting. Friday usually presents in the form of late adolescent boys who hated school and want to work in the Construction industry and are totally hacked off to find out that involves passing the equivalent of a 'C' grade at GCSE in English and Maths. Slowly you have to first convince them that with the necessary application it may well happen, and secondly that you really like them and are on their side and genuinely want them to succeed. It's surprising how many have been loathed by teachers in school and invariably reminded on a regular basis how stupid they are. They think nothing of telling you how 'thick' they are and at the end of the year one of the best aspects of the job is seeing them burst with pride when they pass what is often their very first exam.
As it's another fun-Friday am off to meet everyone in the local pub and hopefully start the weekend on a cheery note.
Not heard from H. R not coming home as a contingent from our local village are going to see her for the weekend. No news from C.
Please Lord look after my children.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Work interesting. Friday usually presents in the form of late adolescent boys who hated school and want to work in the Construction industry and are totally hacked off to find out that involves passing the equivalent of a 'C' grade at GCSE in English and Maths. Slowly you have to first convince them that with the necessary application it may well happen, and secondly that you really like them and are on their side and genuinely want them to succeed. It's surprising how many have been loathed by teachers in school and invariably reminded on a regular basis how stupid they are. They think nothing of telling you how 'thick' they are and at the end of the year one of the best aspects of the job is seeing them burst with pride when they pass what is often their very first exam.
As it's another fun-Friday am off to meet everyone in the local pub and hopefully start the weekend on a cheery note.
Not heard from H. R not coming home as a contingent from our local village are going to see her for the weekend. No news from C.
Please Lord look after my children.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Thursday 11 February 2010
Day 131 Week 18
Yet another soldier killed. This one from the Coldstream Guards RIP. A few weeks ago my dear friend and I were in Windsor and there was a group of them collecting for Help for Heroes, and we chatted to them and they told us they were due to go out in a couple of weeks. Oh Lord, hope it wasn't one of them, but then by wishing that I'm passing the loss onto a different group of people just like us. That's four taken in the last five days and apparently Moshtarak hasn't actually begun yet after all. How can we sustain such losses? How will this end?
Fellow soldier's Mum really fraught too and we just keep sending each other messages of support, and then last night Another soldier's Mum called and she's constantly hoping and praying for a safe return for C, and her boy goes back out in October. During his last stint when he came home on his leave he also told his mother he didn't want to go back, and how nobody knows why we're there. He said it's not a war that follows the accepted rules in that the Talliban and insurgents, in their everyday dress with their absence of uniform look just like the local population. That must explain all the accidental killing of innocents.
If C returns home safely and I remain sane then the Guardian Angels really will have been working overtime. Just hope they keep putting in the extra hours, not for me, just for him.
I see on the news that the former US Congressman Charlie Wilson has died aged 76. He was a vociferous campaigner during the seventies and eighties against the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan, and working on the assumption that 'my enemy's enemy is my friend', he went on to raise thousands and thousands of dollars to fund covert operations to support what was then the Mujahadeen in their fight against Communism. The Mujahadeen were embryonic and in the years since then evolved into a much more effective force, now known as the Talliban.
What goes around comes around.
Work was really good, apart from the fact I cocked up one of my registers and failed to notice I was dealing with the correct day but in the month of September, not January. Then had an axious young student who couldn't complete her assessment so had the privilege of having the most relaxing facial imaginable. Came home and as it was still sunny if not bitterly cold went for a walk around our village, and mulled over the roller coaster of a ride that the last fourteen years of single-parent life have been.
Heard from H and he's fine. Not heard from R but think she could be home this weekend. And no news from C, which is to be expected so long as everything is OK.
Please look after them Lord.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Fellow soldier's Mum really fraught too and we just keep sending each other messages of support, and then last night Another soldier's Mum called and she's constantly hoping and praying for a safe return for C, and her boy goes back out in October. During his last stint when he came home on his leave he also told his mother he didn't want to go back, and how nobody knows why we're there. He said it's not a war that follows the accepted rules in that the Talliban and insurgents, in their everyday dress with their absence of uniform look just like the local population. That must explain all the accidental killing of innocents.
If C returns home safely and I remain sane then the Guardian Angels really will have been working overtime. Just hope they keep putting in the extra hours, not for me, just for him.
I see on the news that the former US Congressman Charlie Wilson has died aged 76. He was a vociferous campaigner during the seventies and eighties against the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan, and working on the assumption that 'my enemy's enemy is my friend', he went on to raise thousands and thousands of dollars to fund covert operations to support what was then the Mujahadeen in their fight against Communism. The Mujahadeen were embryonic and in the years since then evolved into a much more effective force, now known as the Talliban.
What goes around comes around.
Work was really good, apart from the fact I cocked up one of my registers and failed to notice I was dealing with the correct day but in the month of September, not January. Then had an axious young student who couldn't complete her assessment so had the privilege of having the most relaxing facial imaginable. Came home and as it was still sunny if not bitterly cold went for a walk around our village, and mulled over the roller coaster of a ride that the last fourteen years of single-parent life have been.
Heard from H and he's fine. Not heard from R but think she could be home this weekend. And no news from C, which is to be expected so long as everything is OK.
Please look after them Lord.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Wednesday 10 February 2010
Day 130 Week 18
The government has improved the levels of compensation to be paid to the injured and they have also ordered another thirty beds to be installed at the rehabilitation unit for amputees in Surrey. This is to cope with the ever increasing numbers. Two hundred and fifty six have now been killed and just over five hundred have been seriously wounded and heaven only knows the figures for those harmed less brutally. The field hospital at Camp Bastion is working to capacity and the impact has been felt with hospitals at home beginning to struggle with the logistics of it all.
Heard someone on the radio saying that one of our areas of weakness is that we don't plan ahead sufficiently and that many crucial decisions are taken in a knee-jerk reaction rather than a measured analysis of what is really required. Also because of time-lapse between procurement and deployment, it often transpires that the wrong choice was made anyway. Hence no helicopters, shortage of hospital beds, personnel stretched beyond limits (and let's not forget initially fighting on two fronts and we know what happened to Napoleon and Hitler when they tried that one), lack of equipment, transportation shortcomings, funding difficulties, unexpected credit crunch adding to aforementioned lack of funding, hence the whole bloody can of worms.
Work was good, am really glad to be back in the thick of it and it's a tremendous source of distraction and support at the moment. Cannot put Afghanistan out of my mind for a second and heard from fellow soldier's Mum and she thinks she's going round the twist with it all. Would appear the dreaded big push is underway.
Heard from H and my e-mails are mysteriously identified as junk and consequently he now calls me 'spam'. Not heard from R, but hope she's OK as we are expecting more of the white stuff. Not heard from C, and just wishing a praying all's OK there.
Got a headache, but suppose that means I'm a very lucky person compared with what some people are going through just now.
Keep going please Lord.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Heard someone on the radio saying that one of our areas of weakness is that we don't plan ahead sufficiently and that many crucial decisions are taken in a knee-jerk reaction rather than a measured analysis of what is really required. Also because of time-lapse between procurement and deployment, it often transpires that the wrong choice was made anyway. Hence no helicopters, shortage of hospital beds, personnel stretched beyond limits (and let's not forget initially fighting on two fronts and we know what happened to Napoleon and Hitler when they tried that one), lack of equipment, transportation shortcomings, funding difficulties, unexpected credit crunch adding to aforementioned lack of funding, hence the whole bloody can of worms.
Work was good, am really glad to be back in the thick of it and it's a tremendous source of distraction and support at the moment. Cannot put Afghanistan out of my mind for a second and heard from fellow soldier's Mum and she thinks she's going round the twist with it all. Would appear the dreaded big push is underway.
Heard from H and my e-mails are mysteriously identified as junk and consequently he now calls me 'spam'. Not heard from R, but hope she's OK as we are expecting more of the white stuff. Not heard from C, and just wishing a praying all's OK there.
Got a headache, but suppose that means I'm a very lucky person compared with what some people are going through just now.
Keep going please Lord.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Tuesday 9 February 2010
Day 129 Week 18
Another soldier killed. This one from the Engineers. They're the ones involved in bomb disposal. Apparently he was helping clear and area when a device exploded and that was that for the poor lamb RIP. The officer in charge refused to say whether this sudden escalation implied that the Moshtarak offensive was actually underway. Apparently it means working together.
The local Afghan population are finding it almost impossible to escape the danger zone because of all the IEDs and in total it is expected fifteen thousand coalition troops will take part, of which four thousand are to be British. When I spoke to C last night he said that the push was supposed to be a hush-hush as stealth was the soldier's friend, but that this was the most open secret of all time.
This is truly horrible.
Mulling over C's call last night, and how odd it was that he should receive a message from his Regiment's HQ to ring home. To go to all that effort usually signifies some sort of urgency and so whilst am heartily pleased it's not to do with us on this occasion, as my colleagues at work pointed out maybe it was sent in error to C and the person who should have received it is completely unaware of the need to contact his family. So it was at half past eight this morning that I firstly rang Winchester and was given the number of a Major in Edinburgh, who I then explained events to. He was terribly nice, if not a little vague, but he did say he'd call Helmund immediately and sort things out. Totally surreal. Ringing Sangin was as mundane to him as it would be for us to pop to the shops.
Work been good but alas there is more threat of the white stuff in the air. There was a smattering of it this morning but the promised deluge has thankfully kept at bay.
Heard from fellow soldier's Mum and she too is paralysed with fear over the upcoming operation. How on earth did people cope during the global wars - six months (if you're very lucky) is long enough to test the sanity without it dragging on for year after year after year.
Well mystery solved. The awfully nice but not so vague Major rang back and it would transpire the children's father has contacted the Regimental Welfare people to express concern over C's condition. I said I thought he sounded tired but fine, which was to be expected under the circumstances, and the Major agreed. They are, however keeping an eye on him. Hard as it is, the homefront must hold it together for the sake of those in peril.
H sent a text saying all was fine and couldn't understand how we'd been contacted in error, but now that one's dealt with. R in good form and I'm going for a long walk after work to try and work off the adrenaline that's pumping through my agitated nervous system.
God love them and keep them safe. Please.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
The local Afghan population are finding it almost impossible to escape the danger zone because of all the IEDs and in total it is expected fifteen thousand coalition troops will take part, of which four thousand are to be British. When I spoke to C last night he said that the push was supposed to be a hush-hush as stealth was the soldier's friend, but that this was the most open secret of all time.
This is truly horrible.
Mulling over C's call last night, and how odd it was that he should receive a message from his Regiment's HQ to ring home. To go to all that effort usually signifies some sort of urgency and so whilst am heartily pleased it's not to do with us on this occasion, as my colleagues at work pointed out maybe it was sent in error to C and the person who should have received it is completely unaware of the need to contact his family. So it was at half past eight this morning that I firstly rang Winchester and was given the number of a Major in Edinburgh, who I then explained events to. He was terribly nice, if not a little vague, but he did say he'd call Helmund immediately and sort things out. Totally surreal. Ringing Sangin was as mundane to him as it would be for us to pop to the shops.
Work been good but alas there is more threat of the white stuff in the air. There was a smattering of it this morning but the promised deluge has thankfully kept at bay.
Heard from fellow soldier's Mum and she too is paralysed with fear over the upcoming operation. How on earth did people cope during the global wars - six months (if you're very lucky) is long enough to test the sanity without it dragging on for year after year after year.
Well mystery solved. The awfully nice but not so vague Major rang back and it would transpire the children's father has contacted the Regimental Welfare people to express concern over C's condition. I said I thought he sounded tired but fine, which was to be expected under the circumstances, and the Major agreed. They are, however keeping an eye on him. Hard as it is, the homefront must hold it together for the sake of those in peril.
H sent a text saying all was fine and couldn't understand how we'd been contacted in error, but now that one's dealt with. R in good form and I'm going for a long walk after work to try and work off the adrenaline that's pumping through my agitated nervous system.
God love them and keep them safe. Please.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Monday 8 February 2010
Day 128 Week 18
Two more taken on Sunday. From a Scottish regiment, may God rest their souls. As many now killed in Afghanistan as during the Falklands war.
Saw the news last night and was woken up with the same information reiterated by the calm, unruffled voice of Radio 4 this morning, it would appear the next phase is to begin. This is going to involve a big push in Southern Helmund to clear an area which at present is beyond the control of the Afghan government and lorded over by drug barons, insurgents and the Taliban. Seemingly the local population have got wind of the impending bloodshed and have abandoned their villages to goodness knows where. The officer controlling Nato forces has warned casualties will undoubtedly escalate exponentially and the Defence Secretary has prepared the homefront to expect the worst.
The ANA are spearheading operations and once 'targets' have been achieved the area will be handed over to the Afghan police force to maintain order. Well, that's the hope, because it is accepted that whilst the ANA has improved enormously, the police are another matter.
Am numb. Cannot describe the sense of utter foreboding consuming my every waking moment. The anonymity of the word 'casualties' belies a trail of destruction strewn into every nook and cranny of our very existence. Can only imagine an uninhabited wasteland of deserted structures beckoning the placement of IEDs and snipers and mines. Then if the action is successful, and the coalition succeeds with its aims, the newly gained territories will be subsequently handed over to an organisation most probably in cahoots with the very people God knows how many will have died or been maimed to remove.
It just gets worse, and worse, and worse. Can only pray, and pray and pray. We now appear to be well and truly in the land of miracle wishing.
Work was a salvation. When you have to be busy you respond accordingly and then for short bursts of time the mind is occupied by more mundane and therefore bearable thoughts.
The most incredible thing has just happened. The landline rang, and I answered it expecting it to be one of those dreary robotic advertisements and it wasn't, it was C. C never rings the house phone, he always rings my mobile but bizarrely his Regimental headquarters in Edinburgh had contacted the front line to tell him he had to ring home. Assured him all was well here, rang R and H whilst speaking to him, and just told him not to worry and that everything was fine with us back here. Am obviously now perplexed as to why this has happened and whilst being grateful to speak to him and hear his voice, it's made me uneasy.
He did tell me that everyone knows about the big push, and no parcels have got through from home because of all the equipment shifting that's going on.
Heard from fellow soldier's Mum and her boy's back and feeling tired.
Please Lord keep us strong and them safe.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Saw the news last night and was woken up with the same information reiterated by the calm, unruffled voice of Radio 4 this morning, it would appear the next phase is to begin. This is going to involve a big push in Southern Helmund to clear an area which at present is beyond the control of the Afghan government and lorded over by drug barons, insurgents and the Taliban. Seemingly the local population have got wind of the impending bloodshed and have abandoned their villages to goodness knows where. The officer controlling Nato forces has warned casualties will undoubtedly escalate exponentially and the Defence Secretary has prepared the homefront to expect the worst.
The ANA are spearheading operations and once 'targets' have been achieved the area will be handed over to the Afghan police force to maintain order. Well, that's the hope, because it is accepted that whilst the ANA has improved enormously, the police are another matter.
Am numb. Cannot describe the sense of utter foreboding consuming my every waking moment. The anonymity of the word 'casualties' belies a trail of destruction strewn into every nook and cranny of our very existence. Can only imagine an uninhabited wasteland of deserted structures beckoning the placement of IEDs and snipers and mines. Then if the action is successful, and the coalition succeeds with its aims, the newly gained territories will be subsequently handed over to an organisation most probably in cahoots with the very people God knows how many will have died or been maimed to remove.
It just gets worse, and worse, and worse. Can only pray, and pray and pray. We now appear to be well and truly in the land of miracle wishing.
Work was a salvation. When you have to be busy you respond accordingly and then for short bursts of time the mind is occupied by more mundane and therefore bearable thoughts.
The most incredible thing has just happened. The landline rang, and I answered it expecting it to be one of those dreary robotic advertisements and it wasn't, it was C. C never rings the house phone, he always rings my mobile but bizarrely his Regimental headquarters in Edinburgh had contacted the front line to tell him he had to ring home. Assured him all was well here, rang R and H whilst speaking to him, and just told him not to worry and that everything was fine with us back here. Am obviously now perplexed as to why this has happened and whilst being grateful to speak to him and hear his voice, it's made me uneasy.
He did tell me that everyone knows about the big push, and no parcels have got through from home because of all the equipment shifting that's going on.
Heard from fellow soldier's Mum and her boy's back and feeling tired.
Please Lord keep us strong and them safe.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Sunday 7 February 2010
Day 127 Week 18
Well what a worry. Unbeknown to most of us apparently the Falklands may well kick off again, but this time the Navy has shrunk to half the size of the nineteen-eighties fleet. It's all to do with the black gold that lies behind most of the world's squabbles, ie oil.
For those of us who remember the Falklands war, the knowledge of mineral rights affecting our interest in those bleak little outcrops in the South Atlantic comes as nothing of a surprise. It was always felt the Mrs Thatcher's somewhat belated reaction to the Argentine invasion (Lord Carrington actually resigned as a matter of honour over what he regarded as the Foreign Office cock up by sending mixed signals to Argentina), was spurred on by the presence of hydro-carbons and carbons in the portion of Antarctica which sovereignty of the Falklands gave us claim to. But now it seems the previous speculation has turned into a likely stash of approximately three trillion dollars worth of oil reserves.
British companies have been exploring the geology for several years and it is only recently that confirmation of the extent of the wealth lurking beneath land and sea has come to light. The response from Buenos Aires has been to produce a new map of the area with the Falklands returned to being named 'las Malvinas', and the Argentinean Foreign Ministry has lodged a formal complaint with the British Embassy warning they will not tolerate any removal of minerals from Argentine territorial waters - implying they do not recognise British claims to jurisdiction. American press sites are full of the story but we have heard nothing about it over here. Britain has recently cranked up the number of soldiers stationed on the islands considerably, under the auspices of training them for deployment to Afghanistan, and it is strongly supposed the Navy has submarine presence in the area but oh my goodness not more conflict on the horizon.
Here we go again.
The party was brilliant. Such good fun. Caught up with friends and the atmosphere and food were both terrific. Everyone was so supportive and sent lots of love and positivity re C and it's genuinely overwhelming to know that so many people care so much. Strangely enough met someone who was involved with making Harry Brown and explained that whilst I thought it was a brilliant film, as someone who works with teenagers whose life isn't that far removed from the subway kids, it was uncomfortably close to the damaged lives of swathes of our youngsters today.
Had a long chat with H. He doesn't think being a submariner is conducive to having a girlfriend as the endless stretches of time at sea would prove intolerable. Assured him that there are some girls who could stand such endurance, but he emphasised that submarines weren't like the surface fleet and that once under the water there is absolutely no communication for possibly three months at a time. Oh dear, that means Mother's are out of contact as well as girlfriends. He's enjoying the course enormously but as this is the first time the new condensed training has been applied there are technical glitches and some quite unrealistic expectations of what can be done in such a short period of time. He's desperately hoping for a mine sweeper for his practical stint as you get to do much more on the smaller ships than on the big ones. He's missed a call from C and was gutted, but is looking forward to seeing him soon God willing. R home and have just taken her breakfast in bed. No news from C but at least I know he was OK yesterday because he tried to ring H.
The rugby was brilliant with England hammering Wales 30-17. I'm off for a lovely long walk by the river and please God today will be as good as the other hundred and twenty six.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
For those of us who remember the Falklands war, the knowledge of mineral rights affecting our interest in those bleak little outcrops in the South Atlantic comes as nothing of a surprise. It was always felt the Mrs Thatcher's somewhat belated reaction to the Argentine invasion (Lord Carrington actually resigned as a matter of honour over what he regarded as the Foreign Office cock up by sending mixed signals to Argentina), was spurred on by the presence of hydro-carbons and carbons in the portion of Antarctica which sovereignty of the Falklands gave us claim to. But now it seems the previous speculation has turned into a likely stash of approximately three trillion dollars worth of oil reserves.
British companies have been exploring the geology for several years and it is only recently that confirmation of the extent of the wealth lurking beneath land and sea has come to light. The response from Buenos Aires has been to produce a new map of the area with the Falklands returned to being named 'las Malvinas', and the Argentinean Foreign Ministry has lodged a formal complaint with the British Embassy warning they will not tolerate any removal of minerals from Argentine territorial waters - implying they do not recognise British claims to jurisdiction. American press sites are full of the story but we have heard nothing about it over here. Britain has recently cranked up the number of soldiers stationed on the islands considerably, under the auspices of training them for deployment to Afghanistan, and it is strongly supposed the Navy has submarine presence in the area but oh my goodness not more conflict on the horizon.
Here we go again.
The party was brilliant. Such good fun. Caught up with friends and the atmosphere and food were both terrific. Everyone was so supportive and sent lots of love and positivity re C and it's genuinely overwhelming to know that so many people care so much. Strangely enough met someone who was involved with making Harry Brown and explained that whilst I thought it was a brilliant film, as someone who works with teenagers whose life isn't that far removed from the subway kids, it was uncomfortably close to the damaged lives of swathes of our youngsters today.
Had a long chat with H. He doesn't think being a submariner is conducive to having a girlfriend as the endless stretches of time at sea would prove intolerable. Assured him that there are some girls who could stand such endurance, but he emphasised that submarines weren't like the surface fleet and that once under the water there is absolutely no communication for possibly three months at a time. Oh dear, that means Mother's are out of contact as well as girlfriends. He's enjoying the course enormously but as this is the first time the new condensed training has been applied there are technical glitches and some quite unrealistic expectations of what can be done in such a short period of time. He's desperately hoping for a mine sweeper for his practical stint as you get to do much more on the smaller ships than on the big ones. He's missed a call from C and was gutted, but is looking forward to seeing him soon God willing. R home and have just taken her breakfast in bed. No news from C but at least I know he was OK yesterday because he tried to ring H.
The rugby was brilliant with England hammering Wales 30-17. I'm off for a lovely long walk by the river and please God today will be as good as the other hundred and twenty six.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Saturday 6 February 2010
Day 126 Week 17
The sun is shining. Goodness what a difference it makes. Bright, golden sunshine.
Good to see everyone in the pub last night and catch up on all the news. Also quite exciting not to be in pyjamas by six thirty, positively recklessly late night- went to bed at ten o'clock.
Very busy day today. Dear friend's birthday and it's her son's tomorrow, and he's one of C's oldest friends so lots of overlap and sentimentality there. Also have been invited to a very glamorous party tonight, lots of scrumptious nosh, witty banter and flowing champagne so think I'll rehearse old-age and have a sleep this afternoon. Of course should really join my fellow Ramblers and yomp through the open countryside, but think I'll give that one a swerve in the name of energy conservation.
Wonder if C is able to conserve energy.
Spoke to my Aunt this morning and she's not been very well at all but thankfully is better now. She and my Uncle have sent yet another parcel out to the frontline. Bless them they always meticulously count up the weight of all the contents and each time they've gone to the post office it's been too heavy, but the kindly postmaster has let it through. Apparently the error stems from counting up the weight on each item, which doesn't include the external wrapping. It's so kind of them to send stuff out because C has told me how much it means to receive goodies from home. These acts of kindness really do make a difference.
Damn, forgot to put some of those energy boosting things in the last despatch I sent out. Am cross with myself. Could make such a difference.
My friend and I plan to go up to Nottinghamshire in the half term holiday, well that's the theory. Never feel totally comfortable making decisions about future actions at the moment, what with everything being so vulnerable and potentially unpredictable.
It's the rugby between England and Wales this afternoon. Had such fun last year watching it with friends and then being kissed by a very handsome stranger on the way home, seems like a million years ago now. Can't really remember what it's like to feel carefree and not to be on edge all the time.
R had a good night out. I've not heard from H but R has and he's been granted two weeks special leave for C's R and R, so with the help of God should have them all together again. No news from C but clutching my phone to my side as he has taken to ringing at the weekend.
Please God I'll see him again.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Good to see everyone in the pub last night and catch up on all the news. Also quite exciting not to be in pyjamas by six thirty, positively recklessly late night- went to bed at ten o'clock.
Very busy day today. Dear friend's birthday and it's her son's tomorrow, and he's one of C's oldest friends so lots of overlap and sentimentality there. Also have been invited to a very glamorous party tonight, lots of scrumptious nosh, witty banter and flowing champagne so think I'll rehearse old-age and have a sleep this afternoon. Of course should really join my fellow Ramblers and yomp through the open countryside, but think I'll give that one a swerve in the name of energy conservation.
Wonder if C is able to conserve energy.
Spoke to my Aunt this morning and she's not been very well at all but thankfully is better now. She and my Uncle have sent yet another parcel out to the frontline. Bless them they always meticulously count up the weight of all the contents and each time they've gone to the post office it's been too heavy, but the kindly postmaster has let it through. Apparently the error stems from counting up the weight on each item, which doesn't include the external wrapping. It's so kind of them to send stuff out because C has told me how much it means to receive goodies from home. These acts of kindness really do make a difference.
Damn, forgot to put some of those energy boosting things in the last despatch I sent out. Am cross with myself. Could make such a difference.
My friend and I plan to go up to Nottinghamshire in the half term holiday, well that's the theory. Never feel totally comfortable making decisions about future actions at the moment, what with everything being so vulnerable and potentially unpredictable.
It's the rugby between England and Wales this afternoon. Had such fun last year watching it with friends and then being kissed by a very handsome stranger on the way home, seems like a million years ago now. Can't really remember what it's like to feel carefree and not to be on edge all the time.
R had a good night out. I've not heard from H but R has and he's been granted two weeks special leave for C's R and R, so with the help of God should have them all together again. No news from C but clutching my phone to my side as he has taken to ringing at the weekend.
Please God I'll see him again.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Friday 5 February 2010
Day 125 Week 17
The two soldiers from the Yorkshire Regiment were repatriated today and it was grimly sombre. Haven't heard from fellow soldier's Mum but she must be desperate. Lots of love and positivity please Lord.
Read the blog on the BBC of the Officer Commanding 3 Rifles A Company in the upper Sangin Valley and apparently that's where most fighting has occurred lately. The insurgents are relentless and the problem is that now they have taken control, they have to hold on to it. The O-i-C said they had been very 'busy' which is always an army euphemism for 'lots of violence'. C is in A Company and the last time I spoke to him he told me he'd been very 'busy'.
Four MPs are to be charged with fraud as it appears they fiddled their expenses beyond the pale. Don't quite know how the line is drawn in that particular patch of sand, but apparently it is. And those serving in Afghanistan have inadequate equipment because of cost cutting.
Not heard from H and miss him so much. But the good news is R just arrived home looking fabulous and when I ventured to mention that more clothes had arrived she looked so affronted and replied 'yeh, like, that's just like, the only piece of shopping I've done in ages, and I'm like, really sensible compared with everyone else'. Felt brave enough to mention the labels I'd found in the bathroom last week but apparently they were 'like, ancient'. Not heard from C and just hope and pray that he's safe and well and not forced to be too 'busy' all the time.
As it's supposed to be Fun Friday and meeting friends in the pub in a couple of minutes.
Hopefully everyone safe and sound
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Read the blog on the BBC of the Officer Commanding 3 Rifles A Company in the upper Sangin Valley and apparently that's where most fighting has occurred lately. The insurgents are relentless and the problem is that now they have taken control, they have to hold on to it. The O-i-C said they had been very 'busy' which is always an army euphemism for 'lots of violence'. C is in A Company and the last time I spoke to him he told me he'd been very 'busy'.
Four MPs are to be charged with fraud as it appears they fiddled their expenses beyond the pale. Don't quite know how the line is drawn in that particular patch of sand, but apparently it is. And those serving in Afghanistan have inadequate equipment because of cost cutting.
Not heard from H and miss him so much. But the good news is R just arrived home looking fabulous and when I ventured to mention that more clothes had arrived she looked so affronted and replied 'yeh, like, that's just like, the only piece of shopping I've done in ages, and I'm like, really sensible compared with everyone else'. Felt brave enough to mention the labels I'd found in the bathroom last week but apparently they were 'like, ancient'. Not heard from C and just hope and pray that he's safe and well and not forced to be too 'busy' all the time.
As it's supposed to be Fun Friday and meeting friends in the pub in a couple of minutes.
Hopefully everyone safe and sound
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Thursday 4 February 2010
Day 124 Week 17
Oh my poor friend and fellow soldier's Mum. She told me her boy didn't want to go back. What can you say? How can you comfort someone who just took her child to catch a plane to return to a war, but this time knowing all too well what that involves? I said hold on to the thought that they're not forgotten and there are thousands of us in the same boat, but in truth that doesn't help at all. She's back to crying all the time. Lots and lots of prayers that the whole thing will stop and no one else will be hurt.
Weather grim. Colleagues were talking about garden design, one being a horticultural wizard and the other wishing to design a beautiful one in her new house, and the wizard reminded the novice that she should look to where the sun fell during the day and the novice replied that she hadn't been able to, as since she'd been given the advice - the sun hadn't appeared once. We'll all be going down with SAD syndrome - maybe that's why I'm so knackered all the time. Anyway the wizard is my buddy and she's said she's going to help me put the finishing touches to my 'Japanese garden', sounds awfully glamorous.
See that all Toyotas are being recalled because of defective accelerators, sometimes they just keep getting faster and faster even when not applied, or more worryingly still, when braking. It's very serious, so far eighteen fatalities have been attributed to the condition in the US alone. At least I know C is in danger, it's the ones you don't know about which are often the most lethal.
Read that Katie Price has remarried, this time to a cage fighter and it's rumoured they celebrated their nuptials with a private audience by several artists in a strip club. Surely not. Sometimes I think the world is compartmentalised into separate mini-universes, so near and yet so totally unconnected to each other.
Had a text from H and he's loving it. Not heard from R so hope she's OK. No news from C.
Please God look after them all.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Weather grim. Colleagues were talking about garden design, one being a horticultural wizard and the other wishing to design a beautiful one in her new house, and the wizard reminded the novice that she should look to where the sun fell during the day and the novice replied that she hadn't been able to, as since she'd been given the advice - the sun hadn't appeared once. We'll all be going down with SAD syndrome - maybe that's why I'm so knackered all the time. Anyway the wizard is my buddy and she's said she's going to help me put the finishing touches to my 'Japanese garden', sounds awfully glamorous.
See that all Toyotas are being recalled because of defective accelerators, sometimes they just keep getting faster and faster even when not applied, or more worryingly still, when braking. It's very serious, so far eighteen fatalities have been attributed to the condition in the US alone. At least I know C is in danger, it's the ones you don't know about which are often the most lethal.
Read that Katie Price has remarried, this time to a cage fighter and it's rumoured they celebrated their nuptials with a private audience by several artists in a strip club. Surely not. Sometimes I think the world is compartmentalised into separate mini-universes, so near and yet so totally unconnected to each other.
Had a text from H and he's loving it. Not heard from R so hope she's OK. No news from C.
Please God look after them all.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Wednesday 3 February 2010
Day 123 Week 17
Fellow soldier's Mum said as they left home the local paper was full of the news of the death of her son's friend and comrade and that when they got to the airport she didn't say goodbye to a soldier but to her child, and now he's gone back to that hell-hole. All I could say was there was nothing I could say, but that there were thousands of us in the same position. Oh Lord what a mess.
Now the government says we can't afford to keep our Armed Forces at the current level, so we'll have to merge with the French. Can't see that one working somehow. Mega clash of mini-Titans with a bucket load of history to settle and neither particularly like being told what to do by the other. Love the French, adore la Francais mais je pense ....... quoi?
Then with all the revelations, counter-revelations and ego posturing going on at the Iraq Inquiry you can't help but query the validity. We are but pawns.
Work very busy but satisfying. Numeracy and literacy and nice kids so it was good. Gave a colleague a lift home and was good to chat and actually laugh in the car on the way home. Was invited to a gathering tonight but am still knackered so have sent apologies and will see everyone at the Weekend God willing. Weather grim. Cold, claggy rain with the distant threat more of the frozen stuff sweeping in from the north.
Heard from H and he's so supportive. Not heard from R but apparently the latest is a month in Ibiza in the summer - how? No news from C but sent a letter out today and realised I was being looked at as I spoke to it and gave it a kiss at the post box. Never think you're not being watched.
Thank you Lord.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Now the government says we can't afford to keep our Armed Forces at the current level, so we'll have to merge with the French. Can't see that one working somehow. Mega clash of mini-Titans with a bucket load of history to settle and neither particularly like being told what to do by the other. Love the French, adore la Francais mais je pense ....... quoi?
Then with all the revelations, counter-revelations and ego posturing going on at the Iraq Inquiry you can't help but query the validity. We are but pawns.
Work very busy but satisfying. Numeracy and literacy and nice kids so it was good. Gave a colleague a lift home and was good to chat and actually laugh in the car on the way home. Was invited to a gathering tonight but am still knackered so have sent apologies and will see everyone at the Weekend God willing. Weather grim. Cold, claggy rain with the distant threat more of the frozen stuff sweeping in from the north.
Heard from H and he's so supportive. Not heard from R but apparently the latest is a month in Ibiza in the summer - how? No news from C but sent a letter out today and realised I was being looked at as I spoke to it and gave it a kiss at the post box. Never think you're not being watched.
Thank you Lord.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Tuesday 2 February 2010
Day 122 Week 17
Didn't know two more soldiers died yesterday. My fellow soldier's Mum e-mailed me today and told me and she's so down. They were friends of her son and she was taking him to the airport to get his flight back to it all. What a note to return on. God rest their souls.
Please keep everyone safe.
There is definitely something funny in the air this week. Strange things have been happening and lots of testing situations arising unpredictably. Just hope it all passes without anything too spectacular occurring. Work wasn't without incident and then got to see Harry Brown and whilst Michael Caine is still splendid on the big screen, definite eye-candy and surely he must be seventy by now - but oh my God it was depressing. Hate gratuitous violence, there's enough of the real stuff in the world without making vile make-believe.
If only magic wands were real.
After the marvellous physio session yesterday, ankle felt absolutely brilliant this morning and so abandoned stick and it felt terrific. Went for a walk at lunchtime with my buddy and we had a chat and laugh and felt heartily grateful that an incident which happened during the morning was hopefully settled in a positive way. Then came home and despatched another parcel off to the front and yes, hugged and kissed the large envelope and asked it to keep C safe. Wonder why people can take comfort from familiar rituals? Must be Celtic blood coming to the fore.
Still feel knackered - but am aware it's psychological. Oh for the spring and a carpet of bluebells in a woodland bathed in golden sunshine.
No news from H but we tend to just speak at the weekend as he's got so much work to do. Mais j'espere ill est back en Angleterre maintenant. Not heard from R but yet another parcel of internet shopping has arrived. No news from C and as he tends to ring at the weekend now, please Lord keep it that way.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Please keep everyone safe.
There is definitely something funny in the air this week. Strange things have been happening and lots of testing situations arising unpredictably. Just hope it all passes without anything too spectacular occurring. Work wasn't without incident and then got to see Harry Brown and whilst Michael Caine is still splendid on the big screen, definite eye-candy and surely he must be seventy by now - but oh my God it was depressing. Hate gratuitous violence, there's enough of the real stuff in the world without making vile make-believe.
If only magic wands were real.
After the marvellous physio session yesterday, ankle felt absolutely brilliant this morning and so abandoned stick and it felt terrific. Went for a walk at lunchtime with my buddy and we had a chat and laugh and felt heartily grateful that an incident which happened during the morning was hopefully settled in a positive way. Then came home and despatched another parcel off to the front and yes, hugged and kissed the large envelope and asked it to keep C safe. Wonder why people can take comfort from familiar rituals? Must be Celtic blood coming to the fore.
Still feel knackered - but am aware it's psychological. Oh for the spring and a carpet of bluebells in a woodland bathed in golden sunshine.
No news from H but we tend to just speak at the weekend as he's got so much work to do. Mais j'espere ill est back en Angleterre maintenant. Not heard from R but yet another parcel of internet shopping has arrived. No news from C and as he tends to ring at the weekend now, please Lord keep it that way.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Monday 1 February 2010
Day 121 Week 17
Why oh why did I marry that plonker? Must hold on to the fact that I wouldn't want my children in any way different whatsoever, so if they had to have that genetic fingerprint then so be it. It's all meant to be, there is a reason for everything, we don't necessarily see it at the time, it is only later on that everything makes sense, but oh my goodness he tries the patience of a saint.
Let it go. Don't like even thinking about him - and certainly hate it when he rattles my cage. Indifference is the cherished state and all I wish is that he would honour his word. What goes around comes around. Let it go.
Am so tired owing to the fact my brain wouldn't switch off last night, and just kept churning, churning, churning. Then once adrenalin was pumping thoughts turned to C and with all the inevitability of wide awake since midnight, and by then it's four in the morning, the only conclusion was a state of terror. Pure blind panic. Why do things magnify in the wee small hours of the morning, apparently more people slip off this mortal coil between two and five than at any other time. Let it go.
Work was good. Am so tired I feel sick. This must be how C feels all the time, with the added responsibility of decisions made in a split second determining the safety and well being of God knows how many. That puts me in my place.
Heard on the grape vine that apparently, God bless him, C is held in high esteem by those who know him. He stays calm and nothing ruffles him. That must hopefully be very reassuring for those around him and just hope and pray he can keep it together for the long haul.
Please Lord he's safe and really will come home.
H wonderful and so calm and supportive. Told me everything will be fine and just chill out. R back at uni and I just keep chanting the bad times make the good times worthwhile - and if this is as bad as it gets it'll be a good life.
Lots of prayers for calm.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Let it go. Don't like even thinking about him - and certainly hate it when he rattles my cage. Indifference is the cherished state and all I wish is that he would honour his word. What goes around comes around. Let it go.
Am so tired owing to the fact my brain wouldn't switch off last night, and just kept churning, churning, churning. Then once adrenalin was pumping thoughts turned to C and with all the inevitability of wide awake since midnight, and by then it's four in the morning, the only conclusion was a state of terror. Pure blind panic. Why do things magnify in the wee small hours of the morning, apparently more people slip off this mortal coil between two and five than at any other time. Let it go.
Work was good. Am so tired I feel sick. This must be how C feels all the time, with the added responsibility of decisions made in a split second determining the safety and well being of God knows how many. That puts me in my place.
Heard on the grape vine that apparently, God bless him, C is held in high esteem by those who know him. He stays calm and nothing ruffles him. That must hopefully be very reassuring for those around him and just hope and pray he can keep it together for the long haul.
Please Lord he's safe and really will come home.
H wonderful and so calm and supportive. Told me everything will be fine and just chill out. R back at uni and I just keep chanting the bad times make the good times worthwhile - and if this is as bad as it gets it'll be a good life.
Lots of prayers for calm.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
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