Why oh why did I marry that plonker? Must hold on to the fact that I wouldn't want my children in any way different whatsoever, so if they had to have that genetic fingerprint then so be it. It's all meant to be, there is a reason for everything, we don't necessarily see it at the time, it is only later on that everything makes sense, but oh my goodness he tries the patience of a saint.
Let it go. Don't like even thinking about him - and certainly hate it when he rattles my cage. Indifference is the cherished state and all I wish is that he would honour his word. What goes around comes around. Let it go.
Am so tired owing to the fact my brain wouldn't switch off last night, and just kept churning, churning, churning. Then once adrenalin was pumping thoughts turned to C and with all the inevitability of wide awake since midnight, and by then it's four in the morning, the only conclusion was a state of terror. Pure blind panic. Why do things magnify in the wee small hours of the morning, apparently more people slip off this mortal coil between two and five than at any other time. Let it go.
Work was good. Am so tired I feel sick. This must be how C feels all the time, with the added responsibility of decisions made in a split second determining the safety and well being of God knows how many. That puts me in my place.
Heard on the grape vine that apparently, God bless him, C is held in high esteem by those who know him. He stays calm and nothing ruffles him. That must hopefully be very reassuring for those around him and just hope and pray he can keep it together for the long haul.
Please Lord he's safe and really will come home.
H wonderful and so calm and supportive. Told me everything will be fine and just chill out. R back at uni and I just keep chanting the bad times make the good times worthwhile - and if this is as bad as it gets it'll be a good life.
Lots of prayers for calm.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
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