Day 128 Week 18

Two more taken on Sunday. From a Scottish regiment, may God rest their souls. As many now killed in Afghanistan as during the Falklands war.

Saw the news last night and was woken up with the same information reiterated by the calm, unruffled voice of Radio 4 this morning, it would appear the next phase is to begin. This is going to involve a big push in Southern Helmund to clear an area which at present is beyond the control of the Afghan government and lorded over by drug barons, insurgents and the Taliban. Seemingly the local population have got wind of the impending bloodshed and have abandoned their villages to goodness knows where. The officer controlling Nato forces has warned casualties will undoubtedly escalate exponentially and the Defence Secretary has prepared the homefront to expect the worst.

The ANA are spearheading operations and once 'targets' have been achieved the area will be handed over to the Afghan police force to maintain order. Well, that's the hope, because it is accepted that whilst the ANA has improved enormously, the police are another matter.

Am numb. Cannot describe the sense of utter foreboding consuming my every waking moment. The anonymity of the word 'casualties' belies a trail of destruction strewn into every nook and cranny of our very existence. Can only imagine an uninhabited wasteland of deserted structures beckoning the placement of IEDs and snipers and mines. Then if the action is successful, and the coalition succeeds with its aims, the newly gained territories will be subsequently handed over to an organisation most probably in cahoots with the very people God knows how many will have died or been maimed to remove.

It just gets worse, and worse, and worse. Can only pray, and pray and pray. We now appear to be well and truly in the land of miracle wishing.

Work was a salvation. When you have to be busy you respond accordingly and then for short bursts of time the mind is occupied by more mundane and therefore bearable thoughts.

The most incredible thing has just happened. The landline rang, and I answered it expecting it to be one of those dreary robotic advertisements and it wasn't, it was C. C never rings the house phone, he always rings my mobile but bizarrely his Regimental headquarters in Edinburgh had contacted the front line to tell him he had to ring home. Assured him all was well here, rang R and H whilst speaking to him, and just told him not to worry and that everything was fine with us back here. Am obviously now perplexed as to why this has happened and whilst being grateful to speak to him and hear his voice, it's made me uneasy.

He did tell me that everyone knows about the big push, and no parcels have got through from home because of all the equipment shifting that's going on.

Heard from fellow soldier's Mum and her boy's back and feeling tired.

Please Lord keep us strong and them safe.

Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x