Day 40 Week 7

Forty days and forty nights - a symbolic period of suffering. But in my case although it has been painful we have survived so far and that is all anyone can ask for. Must remain upbeat.

Heard from C. Did not get to actually speak to him as the call went directly to my voicemail - which has sadly happened before so can only assume there must be difficulties with the satellite link sometimes. Was doing my walk when my phone rang and thought nothing when '121' was shown on the screen, pressed accept and then heard 'Hi Mum, it's C, hope all's well with you re the op, sorry haven't been in touch for a while, been out and about and really busy, thank you for all the Chocolate (he laughs), I'll try and ring again, take care, love you,' (long beep). Caught my breath and then had to work really hard at not producing hysterical laughter accompanied with sobbing tears in the street. For the first time in a long time, just for a split second I knew he was safe.

Inevitably brain scrambling followed because did not fully understand the implications of 'been out and about and really busy' - sometimes you're better off not knowing.

Ironically I then looked on the on the BBC website and the Officer commanding 3 Rifles Battlegroup is Major Richard Streatfeild, and he's writing a diary covering the six months of deployment. I read it and am now more aware of what 'out and about' actually means. It's a bit overwhelming - but here's an extract

'And that is what Bastion is like. Arid, hot and dusty. The smell of a port-a-loo in the midday sun and the taste of the best food anywhere I have been on operations .....

'All around the mechanics of the vast operation to get the units changed over continues. The helicopter noise is continuous, providing the drumbeat of the operation .....

'I had a good chat with a local farmer, through an interpreter ..... He told me how the insurgents impose a curfew in the village so they can lay IEDs but he did not know where they were. On the way back we found out ..... Being close to an IED (Improvised Explosive Device) explosion has nothing to recommend it. A member of 2 Rifles lies very seriously ill in Selly Oak Hospital as a result .....

'My greatest desire in this regard has crystallised round the hope that I will be able to take my son to the first day of an Ashes Test at Lord's. My greatest fear being that I will not be there to go with him .........

'I know from friends and colleagues that the worst moments of their professional lives have been in the moments of grief following the death of a soldier for whom they feel totally responsible.'

The Major then finished on the optimistic note that some battalions have returned home unscathed and that maybe 3 Rifles will be so blessed. Sadly since that was written it has turned out to not be the case.

Heard from H - he rang at two thirty in the morning - the Royal Navy never sleeps. He's passed the vivat and leaves the ship in two days. Not heard from R - hope all's well with her and also that all fellow soldier's Mums' babies are safe.

Speak Soon. A soldier's Mum x