Day 29 Week 5

Treat of treats this morning, lay in bed, wiggling my toes and drinking my tea listening to the rain falling outside. I've loved doing that ever since I was a child but then am suddenly awakened to the realities of the present day and wonder if C is outside in wet and hostile weather. I have this awful feeling of guilt whenever I indulge in something enjoyable and then realise my child could be suffering immense hardship - a friend said it was our Catholic upbringing, guilt is thrust upon us in the delivery room and just grows with the passing years.

I saw that the most senior officer to be killed in Afghanistan had been voicing concerns about soldier's lives being endangered because of lack of suitable equipment for the troops on the frontline. Also read that the bankers of the failed nationalised institutions are back awarding themselves huge bonuses, continuing the culture of excessive desire for more than they deserve or are entitled to. Our ethos now is obviously to exploit the good and pamper the undeserving.

Had a lovely afternoon with my brother yesterday. The day was idyllic and as part of my rehabilitation we went for a stroll along the river and chatted for hours for the first time in years. He's a physicist and was regaling me with tales of poles shifting and metaphysical dimensions - forgot how clever he was. Anyway apparently won't have to worry about Afghanistan for much longer because Obama is about to announce the existence of extra-terrestrials - I know you read it here first. I suppose a scientific inventor has to have an open mind and be able to think in an off the radar way, but actually not entirely convinced about the announcement which should be made in November. And if that wasn't bad enough according to the ancient Mayan civilisation the world will end on 21st December 2012, a date which ironically should have been my thirtieth wedding anniversary (always sensed there was something apocalyptic about my marriage). This is because there is an explosive cosmic alignment of planets thus affecting gravitational fields and a predicted increase in solar flares and I think something to do with dark matter - and Einstein had difficulty with that one. Phew.

We then took the little train along the river and I remember doing the same with C when he was small and he was allowed to sit in the cab with the driver.

Got to go now as R having her hair cut by the sister of one of H's oldest friends and their conversation is lively entertainment and therefore a bit distracting.

Being a bit derbrained today, hope to shake it off as the day continues. Please God all safe and well.

Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x