Day 151 Week 21

The poor Rifleman lost wasn't from C's platoon, RIP. Not that removal makes it any better of course.

This is absolutely ridiculous. Have turned into a wimp. Am absolutely bloody knackered all the time, it must be the frame of mind. My old adversary 'dread' has moved next door, not quite in complete residence yet, sort of visiting and making on-the-spot alterations. Scheduled to complete the occupation on Monday when my darling youngest boy returns to his guys and active service, and then my domineering neighbour will be in full possession yet again.

So good to have him home. Don't want him to go back. Don't want people to be trying to kill him all the time. Don't want that constant nausea with all the secondary symptoms of no sleep and spontaneous tearfulness. Just want to be quiet, and calm, and simple. That's the bottom of it all, just want things simple. And of course, safe. Realise that truth be told in the great scheme of things nothing is actually simple or safe and to wish for such is not only unrealistic but also quite childish. Obviously have to return to 'getting a grip'. Unfortunately, emotionally I seem to be throwing the toys out of the pram.

I know what's called for - a lovely long, leisurely, hot bath. Hopefully that should do the trick.

C and R returned from an apparently excellent time in Nottingham and they visited my dear uncle and aunt. They've now gone to R's uni where a friend is cooking them dinner and then afterwards C is going to the cinema with a friend. Not heard from H but thank goodness should be seeing him again this weekend.

Heard from fellow soldier's Mum and thank goodness there too, as all is well with her.

With the help of God we'll all come through this.

Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x