A poor soldier died today at Selly Oak Hospital. He'd returned home in February but didn't make it, may he rest in peace. The thought of him holding on for so long only to die is so horrendous.
Then I spoke to my dear friend whose Mother lives in Wootton Bassett and was there when the Riflemen came home last week and she said it's absolutely extraordinary. Apparently you literally can hear the birds sing whilst a crowd of many hundreds stand in total silence.
Drove home at the end of a beautifully sunny day and then began to feel really sad and don't know why so suddenly.
Fellow soldier's Mum said she's limping to the finishing line and that's exactly how it feels. Limp, limp, limp. So near and yet to reiterate the cliche, so very, very far. Bad dreams again last night and woke up at three in the morning but managed to get back to sleep, but am definitely troubled. Is it dread or is it the onset of Spring and the Vernal Equinox with all the mystical energy our forebears revered? Who can tell. Just know the upshot is darkness is back to being scary and the wee-small-hours a cavernous empty torment.
The had a really bad guilt trip today as remembered C had asked for another parcel to be sent out when he rang on Sunday, and as well as the usual there was a special request for ketchup and garlic mayonnaise. And I forgot. How could I forget something so important as ketchup and garlic mayonnaise? Spent the day in rabid self-reproach at oversight and on my way home went shopping to try to rectify the error. Ketchup and garlic mayonnaise have now grown into monstrous proportion and have an illogical desire to dispatch them to Afghanistan with more haste than is possible.
Suspect it could be a case of transference of anxiety.
On a happier note apparently I was yet again unaware my lovely new friend and I passed each other on the way to and from work this morning, and he just rang and made me laugh and to have someone make you happy when you're sad is just really, really nice.
No news from H. R rang and without a pause asked 'Mum, like, can you put mushrooms into California risotto instead of, like, sweetcorn 'cause my friend doesn't like sweetcorn?', and I told her she could. No news from C and California risotto is one of his favourite meals.
Keep up the work please Lord.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
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