Back to square one.
Having been cocooned in a bubble-world of pseudo-normality during the days leading up to Sunday, had not been aware of the tragic deaths of several Riflemen, may God rest their souls, and was stunned into life this morning by my alarm greeting of an article on the Today programme about why the losses should now be running so high. Informed by the unruffled bbc accent that operation Mustarak has had the effect of squeezing the enemy, just like the air in a squashed balloon, out of the heavily militarized zone and up into the lesser well defended land around Sangin.
This happens to be lightly defended in vulnerable forward stations manned at the moment by members of 3 Rifles. As there has been such a huge surge of insurgents away from the not so secret 'big push', the result has been a turkey-shoot, or more precisely a massive, continuous attack on the isolated operating bases out in the middle of nowhere or more precisely no-man's-land.
My son should be at this moment heading there. Well that is if we're lucky enough for him to be safe, because it's back to not knowing again, only this time it feels worse.
Last night was heart breaking. Drove C to his father's and duly sat outside while R bade farewell to him with her step-family, and then he came outside and gave me a massive bear hug and I didn't want to let him go. But was very grown up and brave and gave my love and said good bye and God bless and then drove, with a large hole where my heart should be, around the M25 to drop R at her beautiful old college.
Started the day with the sick feeling restored and then magnified by the aforementioned news bulletin, and then checked my phone and there was a message from C sent at midnight last night. It said 'Love you Mum and see you soon x'.
Heard from H and he's OK. Not heard from R. And no news from C.
Fellow soldier's Mum sends love.
Back to square one indeed Lord, could you please keep him safe again.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
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