Day 81 Week 11

Another tearful day. Last night heard that one more Rifleman from 3 Rifles Battle Group has been killed. Heard via the news and shakingly sent the round-robin group text that C was at least safe at that moment and yet again overwhelmed by the response of love and support. 3 Rifles motto is 'Swift and Bold' and I just hope and pray he didn't suffer in agony for very long.

Then just heard on the lunchtime news that yet another soul taken - that's three lost in twenty four hours. It's a slaughter.

May they Rest in Peace.

As usual out of the blue my mobile rang and there was the innocuous number on my screen telling me it was C calling from Afghanistan

Me: "Sweetiepie how are you?" (Successfully hiding true feelings with ridiculously upbeat tempo)

C: "Yeh OK - how's things at home?" (Again his voice is so sober and mature)

Me: "All the better for hearing from you. How's it going?"

C: "Yeh fairly knackering really - it's getting to that point in the tour when we're all bloody exhausted"

Me: "Don't you get any rest or can't you say" (Long pause)

C: "No we don't actually get any time off - we just grab some sleep when we can"

Me: "You're on duty all the time?" (Stupid question I know, but it was sinking in)

C: "Yeh guess that's pretty much the case"

Me: "Two more Riflemen lost - were they with you?" (Damn - blurted it out and didn't mean to)

C: "No Ma, nowhere near me" (C was always a crap liar - but went along with it for is sake)

Me: "So all your men are OK?"

C: "Yeh we're good - just pretty shattered"

Me: "Have you seen J?" (Boy from next village)

C: "Yeh Ma - I told you he's in my Platoon but in the other half"

Me: "What do you mean the other half - are there two officers?"

C: "No Ma - the Sar's in charge of the other half"

Me: "So have you got another Sergeant?"

C: "No Ma - I'm basically doing both jobs now" ........

Total and utter brain scramble. When C was deployed H told me not to worry because as he was an inexperienced pup he would be kept well and truly out of the way, and anyway everyone knows it's the sergeants who really run the army. But here was C telling me he didn't have a sergeant any more and that he was doing both his role and that of platoon commander. No wonder he sounds so grave. He's twenty-one year's old for goodness sake, he should be having fun and enjoying life to the full and here he is responsible for the well being of fifteen men, literally making life and death decisions and carrying the burden of guilt that a split second's lack of concentration could cause. Oh my darling boy. Please Lord keep them all safe.

The conversation finished with him telling me that he's spoken to his girlfriend again and that he was going to ring a soldier friend once we'd finished our call. I told him he could go as I didn't want to be greedy and use all his time up as I was really happy now because we'd been able to speak. Then he was gone and then I couldn't stop crying.

Knock at the door and the most beautiful bouquet of flowers was delivered to me from a really special friend. Then my phone rang again and this time it was my cousin wanting to know how things were and reassuring me C must be a pretty special guy if he was doing all that and reminding me I had to be strong and positive. Then a card arrived from my Irish cousin and it was full of love and prayers. And then a friend arrived and gave me the most beautiful bunch of holly with clusters of red berries to bring the yuletide into the house. And once again am humbled and eternally grateful for the love and kindness people give so generously.

Not heard from R so hoping the party was a success. Not heard from H so hope he's OK and manages to defeat the elements and return home for Christmas. Still snow so am confined to looking out the window again.

More prayers and as my cousin said positive thoughts for the protection of people exposed to jeopardy.

Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x