Day 112 Week 15

The threat of a terrorist attack on the UK has been raised to the highest level of 'substantial' from 'severe', but we haven't been told why. Oh dear they obviously know something and we know nothing. Just not convinced ignorance is bliss in this instance.

Yesterday was two years to the day since my mother died. Simply doesn't seem possible it was that long ago, and yet on another level it feels like I haven't seen her for decades. Still miss her, but know she would have been wretched had she survived her last tussle with the reaper. She was a strange, complicated person with a brain like a razor blade but a body like a battered old shoe, consequently towards the end of her life she was consumed with frustration at the lack of physical ability. Her stamina was never questioned though and she actually drove herself and her dear companion for a pub lunch just a week before her passing.

I have enormous guilt as she always refused any help on the basis she was completely independent, but what that meant in reality was that she could just about cope when things were stable but when an episode of infection arose, I was the first point of contact. Nothing wrong with that apart from the fact I live a hundred and thirty miles from where I grew up, and the awful thing is when I arrived to her failing body just days before she died, we had a furious row in which she finally admitted defeat and accepted she either had to come to me or have proper provision where she was. Still have a strong feeling she's now somewhere else and keeping a watchful eye on her family when they may be at risk or in danger.

Should have been in Windsor with my friend today but alas migraine kicked in so have been lying in a darkened room for four hours and it has finally receded to he point I can sit up.

Not heard from H. R home and being really sweet, she washed the bath out and offered to make a cup of tea. I haven't heard from C but R has. He rang her to ask if she'd collect him from Brize Norton when he has his R and R leave dv, and she of course rang H who is going to see if he is entitled to special leave to be there too. Those three are extraordinarily close, you take on one you take on them all.

Lots of prayers for absent friends.

Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x