Day 114 Week 16

Another Rifleman killed. May he RIP. He was from 3 Rifles A Company, that's just the same as C. Heard last night as a dear friend text 'thinking of you, hope all's well' and I knew something had happened. Confirmed fears, sent round robin informing nearest and dearest C was OK as far as I knew and hoped, and then sobbed myself to sleep.

Saw that there's to be a new big offensive along the lines of panther's claw, as the Americans have sent in so many reinforcements, to be accompanied with an expected inevitable surge in casualties and just feel sick with dread. It's to regain land that the Taliban took from Nato, which Nato took from the insurgents, which the insurgents took from the Afghan National government, and I think that just about sums the whole bloody mess up.

R just rang and she's heard from C and has a date for him to hopefully return for his leave. She's rung H and he's in the process of arranging special leave to meet him too and I just feel so terrified that something might go wrong. When you read dreadful stories about incidents happening when personnel shouldn't have been where they were or should have been home but swapped at the last moment and just pray that kismet is on our side and he returns to us safely.

Work was good but have another headache, again - maybe I need to get my eyes tested. Irritated myself enormously by taking some money out at the cash till on the way home and then in an absent minded vague moment walked away without actually collecting it. Still, if that's the worst thing that happens, I'll have a good life.

Must stay positive and not be afraid. All soldier's joke about the lottery of names on bullets, but it's true and there really is nothing you can do, just put your faith in the right place and behave with dignity.

Not heard from fellow soldier's Mum because hopefully she's having the time of her life and relishing every moment of having her boy at home.

Please Lord bring him home safe.

Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x