Day 27 Week 4

Karma. Reciprocity. What goes around comes around. Whatever thoughts, words or deeds you transmit will come back to haunt you. But does that really hold true? Being Christian I have a strong sense that you should strive to do unto others as you'd have them do unto you (not to say the halo hasn't slipped a few times), but is it really true that life will balance the great scales of existence? Would like to think so, but am not sure - if people really did learn from their errors then surely they wouldn't be so continually repeated.

Saw that the MoD was slated yesterday because of the Nimrod crash in Kandahar in September 2006, killing all fourteen people on board. The Independent reported "One of the worst disasters in recent British military history was the result of "incompetence, complacency and cynicism" by senior military figures which broke the covenant the country has with its soldiers, a devastating official report has concluded. " Backed up by the comments of a former senior RAF officer who reported to the inquiry into the accident that "There was no doubt that the culture of the time had switched. In the days of the RAF chief engineer in the 1990s, you had to be on top of airworthiness. By 2004 you had to be on top of your budget if you wanted to get ahead."

The 'Soldier's Covenant' is a term bandied about quiet a bit at the moment. Essentially it means that if we, as a nation, ask someone to do their duty and fight on our behalf and be prepared to pay the ultimate price - then we, in return, have an equitable responsibility to care and protect them (and their families) to the best of our ability. Quid pro quo. Karma. Not sure if that sits square with the results of the above investigation.

Hope all loved ones are safe and not jeopardised by a culture of corner-cutting-costing.

C has the most adorable girlfriend. She's bright, and kind, and funny, and gentle (also very intelligent - beauty and brains) and everythng a boy could wish for. It's a pleasure to see them together, laughing and enjoying each other's company, I really hope and pray she manages to cope with the stress and worry of the status quo at such a young age. Prior to this he had been embroilled in a fairly disasterous relationship, and the pain in watching as a parent was actually harder than being in a toxic relationship yourself. I'd walk into the house and there'd just be silence and then I'd find the two of them in the sitting room, girl contorted by misery and recrimination and C looking at me like a rabbit in the headlights, with 'I don't know what to do to make it better Mum' written across his face. There was never any joy - just mistrust, demands and allegation - it was as if they were locked in a battle for mutual destruction. Twisted psychological blackmail. Anyway hopefully C's ex will find happiness too - sometimes it's just the case that you bring out the worst in each other.

Anyway I'm a fine one to talk about relationships - as my dear friend said to me 'if you walked into a room stuffed with nice men you'd manage to find the plonker tucked away at the back, feel sorry for him and end up with another completely unsuitable guy'. Alas true.

Popped into church and said a few prayers. No news from H - Lusty obviously at sea. R home and yet more internet fashion purchased.

Maybe some day my prince will come.

Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x