Day 24 Week 4

The less you do the less you want to do. Normally I spend my life in a maelstrom of duties - there are never enough hours in the day and the 'to do' list always grows and never shrinks. But at the moment I'm in a sort of enforced seclusion with the day revolving around injections, pottering about and thinking. Actually think it's far healthier to be over occupied than under occupied - if you need a favour ask a busy person.

Spoke to H last night and he was delighted. So far he had not been able to contact C and vice versa but C had phoned his father when he was standing next to H in Liverpool, and so the two had managed to speak. He said he felt really emotional but when I asked him what they spoke about, and if C had seen any action, he went very mumbly and said he couldn't remember what C had said. My kids always were crap liars.

It's strange to think that I was once married to H, C and R's father. It's so long ago now that I have to work really hard to remember when I was a 'Mrs' instead of a 'Miss'. We actually got on really well (but truth to tell there was never that fire of passion in the relationship) and when it all went belly-up he did say to me 'you'll always be my best friend' - to which I replied 'no I won't - best friends don't do this to each other'. I married in haste and ricochet, and doesn't that always end in disaster? The truth is we should never have legalised the union - the only reason I can't trully deny the whole thing is that I wouldn't want one hair on the kid's head to be in anyway different. We were young, naive, I was an emotional car-crash and actually I'm really happy for him that he's so contented and settled in his current marriage. We invested so much time and energy firstly into being a family and secondly into trying to damage and destroy each other - and now we can joke and exchange conversation over a G & T as if we were mere acquaintances. Blood will always be thicker than water though and in some wierd, obscure way we shall always be linked by the DNA of our children. Karma.

My brother is sorting out the devastion in his home. They took only small valuable pieces including my mother's ring and - perish the thought - her St Christopher. My cousin reckons they'll be dead by the weekend. My dear Aunt and Uncle have sent their first parcel out to C - much confusion over kilograms but the kindly person in the Post Office let it go through. And I'm going to have my bath as the nurse has just left.

Is life settling down? Please God keep everyone safe.

Speak Soon. A soldier's Mum x