Day 189 Week 26

Is today perfect?

Alas no, because youngest son is still on active service in Afghanistan handing over to the Marines who are due to replace 3 Rifles in Sangin. The return home of the Regiment will be staggered and hopefully all will return safely.

Well that's the prayer anyway.

Was mulling over the last six months with the NNF and why it is that the last two weeks are so very hard to handle, and decided that all the angst and concern of the whole tour is now condensed into the final fourteen days.

So near and yet so very, very far indeed.

H home and really good fun, the day spectacularly sunny and warm and my nice new friend is with us celebrating H's birthday. I am sitting in my chair next to the window wearing H's cap and he's trying to cajole me into sewing all the buttons onto his tropical uniform.

Surprise gathering in the local pub for H and he hasn't got a clue but thinks everyone doesn't care about his birthday which is exactly the opposite of the case. Those who love him will be with him dv, and then he's off to the US of A in the morning.

Meatballs and pasta cooking for NNF and I before the pub. H here and waiting for best friend to arrive from Brighton and he's in the Times on line. R just popped home and arranging the evening's merriment. C rang to wish happy birthday and H missed his call.

Fellow soldier's Mum clingling on too.

Please Lord bring them home.

Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x

Days 185, 186, 187 and 188 Week 26

A Retrospective Blog

TUESDAY 6th APRIL

It's only when you experience something that is as it should be that you become truly aware of how wrong things have always been previously.

Tuesday was the day NNF and I drove down to Dorset. Was humming and harring about the wisdom of leaving the security of home re bad leg, daughter and turbulence with boyfriend/non boyfriend, both combined with the regular anxiety attached to leaving the familiar domain just in case something cataclysmic should happen and I would be on the equivalent of the dark side of the moon and therefore uncontactable. Anyway NNF assured all would be well and if it wasn't then we would simply drive the two hours home straightaway.

So Dorset it was.

NNF had decided to surprise me with both location and destination and so it was we drove down the M3 in glorious sunshine and I had the privilege of being a passenger who watched England's beautiful landscape change almost imperceptibly into the divine, rolling, patchwork west country and the sea.

We arrived at our bolt hole and was completely ill prepared for the enchanting spectacle of the restored former Benedictine Monastry which was to be our home for the time away.

It was quite simply exquisite. Ancient sandstone buildings huddled around a lake with vivid green fields as far as the eye could see all leading down to the golden beach and turquoise sea in the near distance. Ruined arches were all that remained of some parts of the priory as what Henry had failed to do Cromwell had subsequently succeeded in achieving.

The hostess explained that the house we stayed in was the former dormitory for the monks and our bathroom was the old contemplation room where the clerics would give thanks for sustenance received after a meal.

And it was utterly adorable.

We drove to Weymouth in the evening, rang friends and family and gave out land-line numbers in case of an emergency, and then had something to eat beside the harbour. We talked about C and could it really be that the end of the tour was so near and so possibly tangible. And my NNF said it was possibly just so.

When we arrived back we walked around the old church in the darkness and I silently said a prayer in hope and thanks.

No Wifi or mobile signal where we were so hence the retrospection.

WEDNESDAY 7th APRIL

A dear friend told me that she and her son had both received written letters from C. He couldn't believe the six months was nearly up and apparently was contemplating what a profound experience the whole tour had been. Seemingly he said it was life altering.

Please God he will come home.

Spent the day being pampered by the kindness and affection of NNF and we visited the ancient Chapel of St Catherine, which all Benedictine's traditionally have as a hermitage, and said yet another prayer that all could be well.

Then we drove along the sparkling coast which owing to the fabulous weather had the appearance of the Mediterranean and stopped at a town to visit a farmer's market when nearly had a cardiac arrest for there on the pavement in front of us was my line manager. We hugged in disbelief and chatted about how captivating the area was and then wished each other well and in a state of awe at the coincidence NNF and I drove to Lyme Regis.

Sat by the sea in silence watching and listening to the waves rolling in when finally it was time to drive back to our medieval nest and dinner.

Said more prayers and actually slept really well for once.

THURSDAY 8th APRIL

Time to leave our idyll.

Drove along the coast and stopped off at a beautiful cliff top where years ago I'd looked out at the crashing wild free ocean in such a state of misery that I'd wanted to become the momentous water myself.

I stood on exactly the same spot but this time in a state of hope that maybe this hideous episode of war with all its tentacles of wretchedness was actually nearing completion and was struck by how life was really a slalom strewn with obstacles and you can never really plan which way to turn until the moment prior to collision.

Please God it can end with my baby home.

Then heard from H and he said C was facebooking as he was no longer out in isolation but was at the FOB HQ for 3 Rifles, but still doing the dreaded foot patrols though.

H was at the Graduation ceremony of the course following his, and out of the blue he'd been given twenty minutes to prepare a presentation for the First Sea Lord. Told him 'you can do it babe', and he replied by asking since when did I call him 'babe'. He then let it drop that he'd won another prize on the Warfare course, met the Duke of Edinburgh and should be in the Times this weekend. At which precise moment the Harrier flew over our heads from the fly-past at Dartmouth and I thought how wonderful life is.

NNF and I meandered along the bewitching coast pulling in fish and chips and the odd steam train and finally arrived home at about eight o'clock.

R pleased to see us and am really counting the days down to the end now.

FRIDAY 9th APRIL

Tragically caught up with the news and another soldier has been killed may he RIP.

It just goes on and on.

Heard from fellow soldier's Mum, bless her and M, and she was concerned as I'd been so quiet and explained the difficulty re signal and was so touched by her concern. We all know how each other feels.

Spent the day shopping as H should be home just for tomorrow and it's his twenty-fifth birthday.

Where have those years gone.

Not heard from H. R chilling and out with friends. And no news from C.

Thank you to my kind new friend for showing me how life can be.

Thank you Lord and please keep us going.

Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x

Day 184 Week 26

Easter Monday.

Interesting night.

R very upset as disagreement with ex-boyfriend/sometimes boyfriend. Lots of howling and leaving of doors open and my nice new friend very supportive as he hadn't gone home so he was very kind and made sure R was at home and safe.

Then lunch today with my family. Cousin cooked the most delicious meal, roast lamb, roast potatoes, roast tomatoes, deep fried zuccinni and broccolli, and nice new friend drove and R and I had such quality time, and nice new friend enjoyed it too. NNF's son safely despatched to Barcelona on football trip and think he enjoyed the day as well.

No news from H. R concilliatory. No news from C.

Fellow soldier's Mum just wants her boy home now too.

Good to see family and laugh, and toasted absent friends.

Please Lord more of the same please.

Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x

Day 183 Week 26

Easter Sunday.

No easter egg hunt but a lovely lunch with friends and introduced my nice new friend and it was fun. Was supposed to go and see the Soldiers tonight at the Albert Hall but can't walk properly and so my dear colleague has gone with her husband

Weather cold, and fresh, and have seen that C has left a message on an internet site and I just miss him so much and wish he was home and safe and here.

No news from H. R out with friends. And no news directly from C.

Fellow soldier's Mum feeling just the same.

Please Lord more of the same.

Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x

Day 182 Week 25

The evening out with friends was really good fun and lots of empathy as one of the girls was going through a particularly rough patch at the hands of her guy, cake and eat it seemed to be his order of the day. Never very nice to be on the receiving end of such a tactic.

Then arrived home and fell asleep on the sofa watching the TV and woke up and went upstairs to a very cold bedroom as it was freezing again last night.

Saturday has now arrived and saw on the news that German soldiers have tragically killed some members of the ANA. I'm shocked to discover that Germany has the third largest NATO contingent out there with a total of nearly five and a half thousands soldiers on the ground and it would appear the car the Afghans were traveling in failed to stop when asked and the Germans opened fire.

Met my nice new friend's son for lunch today and he's as gorgeous as he looks, and he goes to the same school that R went to and he's off to Spain for a football tournament on Monday. Then nice new friend and I went for a very gentle stroll by the river in the cold and damp, and then sat in a beautiful riverside inn and had a pint by the fire before coming home to pork and crackling with roasted sweet potatoes and salad.

Heard from H and he said don't send any more parcels out to C as they're not forwarding them to 3 Rifles as they're so close to the end of the tour. Can it really be so. R home and getting ready to go out. And still no news from C.

Fellow soldier's Mum working really hard and is very tired and hopefully our boys should return home within a couple of days of each other.

Please Lord can they continue to be kept safe.

Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x

Day 181 Week 25

Good Friday and it's really cold and damp.

Lunch cooking, fish of course. New potatoes, broccoli, carrots, roasted tomatoes and cucumber salad all with my nice new friend who is then off to work through the night. Last night was lovely - sausage and mash and lots of chat and laughter.

Oh my how I miss the kids being little.

See on the news that one of the Moscow suicide bombers was a seventeen year old widow and shudder to think what has happened to bring her to that mode of action. Nearly forty people died and many horribly injured. And so the cycle of killing continues.

Fun Friday so meeting everyone for a pint in the pub at five, well more to the point being picked up as still not walking properly. Not heard from H. R still not home from popping out to see friends last night. No news from C.

Not heard from fellow soldier's Mum and hope everything is OK for her and her son.

Met my nice new friend's son today and he's gorgeous.

Please Lord keep everyone safe.

Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x

Day 180 Week 25

Another soldier killed RIP. He was with the Coldstreams, and that's who fellow soldier's Mum's boy is with. You're never very far removed from this horrible, dreadful war.

The Colonel in charge of 3 Rifles has made a speech in the run up to the end of the tour, and he spoke of how the Riflemen have become synonymous with sacrifice. There have been nearly thirty dead and a hundred injured, many of them horrifically, and if all the other family and friends of those still serving feel like me then they are just about holding on in the belief that there may, after all, be a happy ending.

With the help of God they will come home.

Must never forget the wounded and fallen though, ever.

Still off work as a result of the spectacular fall on Monday. Colleagues being really sweet and ringing up and sending love and best wishes and really miss being amongst them and the kids we work with.

Weather gone bitterly cold again. Devastating snow in Scotland and it's wet, windy and biting down here. Easter set to have it's share of choppy, turbulence with isobars racing in across the Atlantic and hope it's going to improve for the Dorset mystery tour with my nice new friend or we'll just have to be holed up inside for three days with nothing to do. Can't do any walking at the moment anyway.

Heard from H and have despatched his cash card off to the west country. R home and we're going to our cousin's gorgeous home to have lunch with them on Easter Monday. No news from C. Fellow soldier's Mum sends love bless her and my nice new friend on his way and we're sharing bangers and mash tonight.

Easter eggs bought in triplicate as ever and just hope they are consumed with the usual gusto by all three.

Please Lord that will be so.

Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x