Another week with no horrid news thank goodness.
R in recovery from a brilliant night out. H on a coach somewhere in France and I've just been for a walk with my dear friend around one of our pretty ancient towns and it's freezing cold. Heard someone mention the 's' word but am seriously hoping that proves incorrect.
Heard from fellow soldier's Mum and she's dreading her boy going back. The earlier elation is now replaced by inevitable dread. All we can do is hope and pray.
Feel very edgy today, hopefully for no reason at all.
Please God all is safe and well
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Sunday, 31 January 2010
Saturday, 30 January 2010
Day 119 Week 16
Just driven back down the lanes (Buckinghamshire is criss-crossed by miles of single track roads with passing places, just like the north of Scotland) and some stupid idiot drove straight at me as I was going up a hill, with their full beam on and consequently I now have two flashing circles of gold in the middle of my vision. Had been visiting the parents of one of C's best friends, and they are also soldier's Mum and Dad. So reassuring to see them, they're so optimistic and always feel invigorated after being in their company.
Prior to that was in Tescos and my phone rang and it was H. He was in France, at the French Naval Academy in Brest and had just had the humiliation of leading an RN side which was beaten resoundingly at one of our national sports by an opposition on fire. Guess you could call it revenge for Trafalgar. The French scored three tries and the Navy managed to claw one back at the end, but it hurt. He's enjoying every minute of the warfare training but the pace is relentless and doesn't get a minute to himself. Won't be back in Blighty until Monday and strongly suspect there will be immense drowning of sorrows tonight.
Reminded me of the lunch at his graduation in December when I overheard two Admirals muttering darkly about the Army's underhand tactic of fielding six Fijian internationals in their side at Twickenham last year, when the Army squashed the Navy by nearly fifty points. The Admirals thought it typical of shady dealings by the pongos and weren't at all happy. I was there at the actual match and it was terrific. Was sitting next to a naval family and the father was clutching an Ensign which transpired was grabbed at the last minute from Coventry just before she sank during the Falklands. He'd borrowed it from a friend and promised if the Navy scored he'd hold it aloft and in the last five minutes of the game I had the pleasure of holding the right hand corner when a try was at last scored. Absolutely brilliant day out.
And then when I arrived back in our village, my phone rang again and this time it was from C, and he sounded utterly worn out. He's moved to another location and it's much better than the previous one - please God he'll be as safe there as he was before. So solemn and grave. I said I'd seen his testimonial and he said the lad was a terrific guy, one of the best. He went on to tell me that the boy from our next village who's in his platoon actually came back on the repatriation flight with the two Riflemen yesterday. That apparently was a conscious decision, it was deemed important to bring the poor souls back looked after by their own. I managed to hold it together and told him how proud I was of him and how well he was doing and how much I was looking forward to seeing him, and as soon as the call finished I sobbed, and sobbed, and sobbed.
Saw the moon rise though and it was spectacular. A huge golden ball, almost looked like the sun itself.
Was invited to a Burns night supper in the village tonight and called in to see everyone and say thank you but somehow I don't feel lighthearted and so a quiet night in will do instead. The hall looked so pretty, with tartan, fairy lights and two enormous tables beautifully laid. The son of one of the organisers has just joined the Mercian Regiment and we caught up on news.
R home and looking fabulous and off to yet another party. And I'm going to get into my pyjamas, have a glass of wine, snuggle down on the sofa and watch Pride and Prejudice.
Met an Irish guy who comes from where my family comes from in Ireland, and he's actually quite nice.
May God's kindness continue to guard everyone from harm.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Prior to that was in Tescos and my phone rang and it was H. He was in France, at the French Naval Academy in Brest and had just had the humiliation of leading an RN side which was beaten resoundingly at one of our national sports by an opposition on fire. Guess you could call it revenge for Trafalgar. The French scored three tries and the Navy managed to claw one back at the end, but it hurt. He's enjoying every minute of the warfare training but the pace is relentless and doesn't get a minute to himself. Won't be back in Blighty until Monday and strongly suspect there will be immense drowning of sorrows tonight.
Reminded me of the lunch at his graduation in December when I overheard two Admirals muttering darkly about the Army's underhand tactic of fielding six Fijian internationals in their side at Twickenham last year, when the Army squashed the Navy by nearly fifty points. The Admirals thought it typical of shady dealings by the pongos and weren't at all happy. I was there at the actual match and it was terrific. Was sitting next to a naval family and the father was clutching an Ensign which transpired was grabbed at the last minute from Coventry just before she sank during the Falklands. He'd borrowed it from a friend and promised if the Navy scored he'd hold it aloft and in the last five minutes of the game I had the pleasure of holding the right hand corner when a try was at last scored. Absolutely brilliant day out.
And then when I arrived back in our village, my phone rang again and this time it was from C, and he sounded utterly worn out. He's moved to another location and it's much better than the previous one - please God he'll be as safe there as he was before. So solemn and grave. I said I'd seen his testimonial and he said the lad was a terrific guy, one of the best. He went on to tell me that the boy from our next village who's in his platoon actually came back on the repatriation flight with the two Riflemen yesterday. That apparently was a conscious decision, it was deemed important to bring the poor souls back looked after by their own. I managed to hold it together and told him how proud I was of him and how well he was doing and how much I was looking forward to seeing him, and as soon as the call finished I sobbed, and sobbed, and sobbed.
Saw the moon rise though and it was spectacular. A huge golden ball, almost looked like the sun itself.
Was invited to a Burns night supper in the village tonight and called in to see everyone and say thank you but somehow I don't feel lighthearted and so a quiet night in will do instead. The hall looked so pretty, with tartan, fairy lights and two enormous tables beautifully laid. The son of one of the organisers has just joined the Mercian Regiment and we caught up on news.
R home and looking fabulous and off to yet another party. And I'm going to get into my pyjamas, have a glass of wine, snuggle down on the sofa and watch Pride and Prejudice.
Met an Irish guy who comes from where my family comes from in Ireland, and he's actually quite nice.
May God's kindness continue to guard everyone from harm.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Friday, 29 January 2010
Day 118 Week 16
Beautiful, huge full moon tonight. It dominates the sky.
Been mulling over the plan to 'pay' the Taliban to give up their arms. They're deeply religious fundamentalists who fervently believe all the evils of the world stem from the deeds of the 'kafir' (non-believers), and that the only way to save mankind is to adopt shariah law and convert to Islam. The dollar being one of the clearest symbols of western decadence and debauchery, why on earth would anyone presume they would accept taking a few of them in order to abandon their passionately held cause? These people think nothing of dying or killing in the name of their belief. Maybe our ignorance of their commitment could be explained by the fact that an ideology or faith held so devoutly is, to us, an anathema. Never underestimate your enemy.
And then when you factor in how righteously NATO has been lecturing the Afghan government on the importance of stamping down on corruption and eradicating it in every form, what kind of example is being set by trying to 'buy' someone away from their cause? And on a purely practical level has anyone considered a full take up of the offer followed by an immediate return to former activities, but this time with thousands of dollars sloshing around to buy even more equipment. They must have gone mad.
Tony Blair bullish about the Iraq war and he has no regrets. Wonder what the Inquiry will decide.
Work interesting. Challenging days make the gentle days worthwhile. Supposed to be minus four tonight.
Heard from H and he's captaining the RN in a rugby match against the French Navy tomorrow. Oh dear, should be interesting. R home and in good form, uni good and off with the girls clubbing tonight. No news from C and just hope he's safe and sound and survives all the harebrained schemes the powers that be choose to throw at him. The boy from our neighbouring village whose in C's platoon arrived back today for his r and r leave, and I'm sure his family must be delighted.
Keep up the good work please Lord.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Been mulling over the plan to 'pay' the Taliban to give up their arms. They're deeply religious fundamentalists who fervently believe all the evils of the world stem from the deeds of the 'kafir' (non-believers), and that the only way to save mankind is to adopt shariah law and convert to Islam. The dollar being one of the clearest symbols of western decadence and debauchery, why on earth would anyone presume they would accept taking a few of them in order to abandon their passionately held cause? These people think nothing of dying or killing in the name of their belief. Maybe our ignorance of their commitment could be explained by the fact that an ideology or faith held so devoutly is, to us, an anathema. Never underestimate your enemy.
And then when you factor in how righteously NATO has been lecturing the Afghan government on the importance of stamping down on corruption and eradicating it in every form, what kind of example is being set by trying to 'buy' someone away from their cause? And on a purely practical level has anyone considered a full take up of the offer followed by an immediate return to former activities, but this time with thousands of dollars sloshing around to buy even more equipment. They must have gone mad.
Tony Blair bullish about the Iraq war and he has no regrets. Wonder what the Inquiry will decide.
Work interesting. Challenging days make the gentle days worthwhile. Supposed to be minus four tonight.
Heard from H and he's captaining the RN in a rugby match against the French Navy tomorrow. Oh dear, should be interesting. R home and in good form, uni good and off with the girls clubbing tonight. No news from C and just hope he's safe and sound and survives all the harebrained schemes the powers that be choose to throw at him. The boy from our neighbouring village whose in C's platoon arrived back today for his r and r leave, and I'm sure his family must be delighted.
Keep up the good work please Lord.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Thursday, 28 January 2010
Day 117 Week 16
Why am I so tired at the moment? Is it shock to the system after being a lady of leisure for so many months? Slept like a log last night but fear I could have gone round the clock. Then am arrested by thoughts of how tired C must feel and am aware I'm behaving like a pampered bitch.
So the conference is being held in London on the future of Afghanistan. All sorts of profound mutterings about the Afghan government taking over responsibility for its own security within five years, to which end a hundred a forty thousand dollars has been set aside to pay members of the Taliban to lay down their weapons and join in peaceful negotiation on the 'way forward'. Always worry when organisations talk about 'the way forward'. It usually means the 'way forward' thus far has been an abject failure, and so they try to inject artificial energy by implying a sweeping change of direction. Why change the current 'way forward' if it's been a success? And if you impose too many different 'way forwards' you just end up going round and round and round in ever decreasing circles.
Radio 4 announced this morning that corruption is so embedded in Afghani culture that they have twelve words for it. Start musing about how many words or phrases there are in English for the very same. Bribery, extortion, fiddling, profiteering, pay-off, on-the-take, racket, bung, brown-paper-envelope, knobble, coerce, breach-of-trust, scam, back-hander, bent, shady, rotten, unscrupulous, underhand, fraudulent - much more than a dozen and the list goes on and on. Does that mean we're more corrupt? I give up on all the nonsense.
Meanwhile boys like my son are being killed or horribly mutilated.
H going away for the weekend, Dartmouth challenging but brilliant. R hopefully coming home. No news from C but never forget him ever.
Look after them please Lord
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Post Script - a dear friend just rang and her mother lives in Wootton Bassett. She's very involved in the church down there and there's a flurry of excitement as tomorrow Charles and Camilla will be raising the colours and dedicating a flag pole to the town. The good people have shunned any formal or political recognition of their dignified observances, rejecting naming of streets and the like, but as they do not have such a facility at the moment, have agreed to its installation on practical grounds.
So the conference is being held in London on the future of Afghanistan. All sorts of profound mutterings about the Afghan government taking over responsibility for its own security within five years, to which end a hundred a forty thousand dollars has been set aside to pay members of the Taliban to lay down their weapons and join in peaceful negotiation on the 'way forward'. Always worry when organisations talk about 'the way forward'. It usually means the 'way forward' thus far has been an abject failure, and so they try to inject artificial energy by implying a sweeping change of direction. Why change the current 'way forward' if it's been a success? And if you impose too many different 'way forwards' you just end up going round and round and round in ever decreasing circles.
Radio 4 announced this morning that corruption is so embedded in Afghani culture that they have twelve words for it. Start musing about how many words or phrases there are in English for the very same. Bribery, extortion, fiddling, profiteering, pay-off, on-the-take, racket, bung, brown-paper-envelope, knobble, coerce, breach-of-trust, scam, back-hander, bent, shady, rotten, unscrupulous, underhand, fraudulent - much more than a dozen and the list goes on and on. Does that mean we're more corrupt? I give up on all the nonsense.
Meanwhile boys like my son are being killed or horribly mutilated.
H going away for the weekend, Dartmouth challenging but brilliant. R hopefully coming home. No news from C but never forget him ever.
Look after them please Lord
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Post Script - a dear friend just rang and her mother lives in Wootton Bassett. She's very involved in the church down there and there's a flurry of excitement as tomorrow Charles and Camilla will be raising the colours and dedicating a flag pole to the town. The good people have shunned any formal or political recognition of their dignified observances, rejecting naming of streets and the like, but as they do not have such a facility at the moment, have agreed to its installation on practical grounds.
Wednesday, 27 January 2010
Day 116 Week 16
Heard from fellow soldier's Mum and she's still over the moon to have her boy home, but the egg-timer is shifting sand in her mind and she's dreading him going back. Know exactly how she feels, as it gets nearer to C coming home, it actually becomes harder to bear.
Work was really lovely today. Social Care lesson covering acceptable practice in order to avoid discrimination and then art and peaceful contemplative creativity. Sometimes I think I should be the one paying for the privilege of being allowed to be there and not the other way round. The kids were so keen and open and full of boundless enthusiasm, doesn't seem five minutes since I was like that. Culture shock to realise that in reality, of course, it was over thirty years ago - heavens where did that go.
Weather been abysmal - cold, bleak, damp, grey and gloomy. No one complaining though because at least it's not the 's' word. Hope Afghanistan is kinder in climate.
Hooked on Michael Portillo's train journeys and last night it was Matlock to Derby, a route which encompasses much of my childhood and more than one memory of a happy date. Those were the care free days of zooming around in a selection of rackety old MG's, listening to the crackly radio and calling into a country pub for a half of lager, or if you were very posh a dry Martini and lemonade, followed by a quick snog in the car park. Scampi and chips in a tomato ketchup engrained basket, sitting on top of a paper napkin, accompanied by overcooked frozen peas and half a tomato, and I thought I'd arrived. The seventies had to be experienced to be believed, it wasn't that life was dull it was just the choices were so limited. But still it was fun.
Absolutely knackered as appalling sleep last night accompanied by fitful, frightful dreams.
Heard from H and he's so concerned about his baby brother. He read the messages of condolence and was gutted but proud of C's sang froid. Heard from R and sorted out her washing. Not heard from C but just hoping and praying all are safe in this new offensive they're launching.
Please God look after them.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Work was really lovely today. Social Care lesson covering acceptable practice in order to avoid discrimination and then art and peaceful contemplative creativity. Sometimes I think I should be the one paying for the privilege of being allowed to be there and not the other way round. The kids were so keen and open and full of boundless enthusiasm, doesn't seem five minutes since I was like that. Culture shock to realise that in reality, of course, it was over thirty years ago - heavens where did that go.
Weather been abysmal - cold, bleak, damp, grey and gloomy. No one complaining though because at least it's not the 's' word. Hope Afghanistan is kinder in climate.
Hooked on Michael Portillo's train journeys and last night it was Matlock to Derby, a route which encompasses much of my childhood and more than one memory of a happy date. Those were the care free days of zooming around in a selection of rackety old MG's, listening to the crackly radio and calling into a country pub for a half of lager, or if you were very posh a dry Martini and lemonade, followed by a quick snog in the car park. Scampi and chips in a tomato ketchup engrained basket, sitting on top of a paper napkin, accompanied by overcooked frozen peas and half a tomato, and I thought I'd arrived. The seventies had to be experienced to be believed, it wasn't that life was dull it was just the choices were so limited. But still it was fun.
Absolutely knackered as appalling sleep last night accompanied by fitful, frightful dreams.
Heard from H and he's so concerned about his baby brother. He read the messages of condolence and was gutted but proud of C's sang froid. Heard from R and sorted out her washing. Not heard from C but just hoping and praying all are safe in this new offensive they're launching.
Please God look after them.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Tuesday, 26 January 2010
Day 115 Week 16
Not only was the poor lad killed on Sunday in 3 Rifles, but he served with my son and C knew and respected him well. Found out at eight thirty this morning, checking the news before starting work and if it wasn't for my dear colleagues don't think I could have got through the day. Factoring in the time difference, it must have happened not long after I spoke to C on Saturday night and I just feel so, so, sad for the boy, and his family, and his friends - those both not serving and the serving left behind. No winners.
If you look at the gallery of the fallen the most horrendous aspect is they just look so alive. A sea of young fresh hopeful faces, invariably smiling and exuding optimism and clearly looking forward to the future. And now they're gone, God bless them all.
There was the most breathtaking sunset tonight. The sky looked as if it was on fire as puniceous crimson spread out from the brow of our life-giving orb as it settled below the horizon. It was like the heavens spontaneously combusted. I stood at the top of the hill at the entrance to my close, looking over the dark outlines of the trees in the woods and fields beyond and I wasn't crying but suddenly tears streamed down my face. Can't ever put the horrors out of my mind.
Heard from R and she's having a ball. Heard from H and he's so mature and responsible and loving his course too. Heard from C, but only in a very formal way describing how he feels over the loss of his comrade. That was through a testimonial he had written on the MoD website.
God bless us all and keep us strong and protect us from danger.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
If you look at the gallery of the fallen the most horrendous aspect is they just look so alive. A sea of young fresh hopeful faces, invariably smiling and exuding optimism and clearly looking forward to the future. And now they're gone, God bless them all.
There was the most breathtaking sunset tonight. The sky looked as if it was on fire as puniceous crimson spread out from the brow of our life-giving orb as it settled below the horizon. It was like the heavens spontaneously combusted. I stood at the top of the hill at the entrance to my close, looking over the dark outlines of the trees in the woods and fields beyond and I wasn't crying but suddenly tears streamed down my face. Can't ever put the horrors out of my mind.
Heard from R and she's having a ball. Heard from H and he's so mature and responsible and loving his course too. Heard from C, but only in a very formal way describing how he feels over the loss of his comrade. That was through a testimonial he had written on the MoD website.
God bless us all and keep us strong and protect us from danger.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Monday, 25 January 2010
Day 114 Week 16
Another Rifleman killed. May he RIP. He was from 3 Rifles A Company, that's just the same as C. Heard last night as a dear friend text 'thinking of you, hope all's well' and I knew something had happened. Confirmed fears, sent round robin informing nearest and dearest C was OK as far as I knew and hoped, and then sobbed myself to sleep.
Saw that there's to be a new big offensive along the lines of panther's claw, as the Americans have sent in so many reinforcements, to be accompanied with an expected inevitable surge in casualties and just feel sick with dread. It's to regain land that the Taliban took from Nato, which Nato took from the insurgents, which the insurgents took from the Afghan National government, and I think that just about sums the whole bloody mess up.
R just rang and she's heard from C and has a date for him to hopefully return for his leave. She's rung H and he's in the process of arranging special leave to meet him too and I just feel so terrified that something might go wrong. When you read dreadful stories about incidents happening when personnel shouldn't have been where they were or should have been home but swapped at the last moment and just pray that kismet is on our side and he returns to us safely.
Work was good but have another headache, again - maybe I need to get my eyes tested. Irritated myself enormously by taking some money out at the cash till on the way home and then in an absent minded vague moment walked away without actually collecting it. Still, if that's the worst thing that happens, I'll have a good life.
Must stay positive and not be afraid. All soldier's joke about the lottery of names on bullets, but it's true and there really is nothing you can do, just put your faith in the right place and behave with dignity.
Not heard from fellow soldier's Mum because hopefully she's having the time of her life and relishing every moment of having her boy at home.
Please Lord bring him home safe.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Saw that there's to be a new big offensive along the lines of panther's claw, as the Americans have sent in so many reinforcements, to be accompanied with an expected inevitable surge in casualties and just feel sick with dread. It's to regain land that the Taliban took from Nato, which Nato took from the insurgents, which the insurgents took from the Afghan National government, and I think that just about sums the whole bloody mess up.
R just rang and she's heard from C and has a date for him to hopefully return for his leave. She's rung H and he's in the process of arranging special leave to meet him too and I just feel so terrified that something might go wrong. When you read dreadful stories about incidents happening when personnel shouldn't have been where they were or should have been home but swapped at the last moment and just pray that kismet is on our side and he returns to us safely.
Work was good but have another headache, again - maybe I need to get my eyes tested. Irritated myself enormously by taking some money out at the cash till on the way home and then in an absent minded vague moment walked away without actually collecting it. Still, if that's the worst thing that happens, I'll have a good life.
Must stay positive and not be afraid. All soldier's joke about the lottery of names on bullets, but it's true and there really is nothing you can do, just put your faith in the right place and behave with dignity.
Not heard from fellow soldier's Mum because hopefully she's having the time of her life and relishing every moment of having her boy at home.
Please Lord bring him home safe.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
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