Saw the utterly moving images of the repatriation ceremony of the fallen three returned home through Wootton Basset yesterday and amongst them were two Rifleman. May God rest all their souls.
One was a sergeant and everyone knows they are the backbone of the Army. But the other Rifleman was a boy and was stunned to see that he was one of three brothers who were all serving in Afghanistan together, the two surviving had been flown home to be on compassionate leave with their parents, and so were able to welcome their lost brother home.
Thought we no longer ran the risk of multiple casualties affecting close communities simultaneously as they did during the first war with the devastated Pal's regiments, when whole families and communities were wiped out in an instant.
Oh my how must the brother's be feeling, to realise that one was taken and they are alive, hope to goodness they aren't tormented by survivor's guilt.
And then was stunned because I noticed a link on the bbc website and it led back to the father of the three boys speaking in January about what it felt like to have them all serving together, and he said he was very proud but that it was obviously a worry. He went on to say there was a policy that they were never allowed to serve at the same time and in the same place, but now the poor lad is gone.
Went to the doctor's and the 'good' ankle is now subject to soft tissue damage and have the gait of an elderly jockey. Must continue taking the pain killers that make my bed fly and keep the leg up. The good news is my nice new friend is on his way back from town and he's the kindest nurse imaginable.
No news from H, who must still be on a high from the news that he has the posting he dreamed of. R went into uni for an emergency revisions session, whatever that is. No news from C.
Fellow soldier's Mum shared love and best wishes.
Please God we can all survive the next month. Please God.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Wednesday 31 March 2010
Tuesday 30 March 2010
Day 178 Week 25
At home on pain killers and leg elevated to reduce swelling, and that's the good one. Felt really tired and so had a lazy day and kept going back to sleep. Feels better than it did yesterday thank goodness and hopefully back to work tomorrow.
My nice new friend looked after me so kindly and then he went home and have started to miss him when he's not around. He's so kind and calm.
Heard from H and he's done really well and one of the top four on the warfare course and so has been posted to finish his training on small ships which means he will actually get to command. R being really sweet and kind and the salmon on croute at the dinner party last night was a great success.
And just now the phone rang and it was C.
He's tired, been on operations for four straight days without rest and couldn't tell me anything about what he'd been doing, but some of his guys had been injured and yes, the Rifles have been hammered.
And he's got a long way left to serve and he's doing over the six months.
Hope fellow soldier's Mum and her family are well.
Please Lord don't give up on us and keep everyone safe
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
My nice new friend looked after me so kindly and then he went home and have started to miss him when he's not around. He's so kind and calm.
Heard from H and he's done really well and one of the top four on the warfare course and so has been posted to finish his training on small ships which means he will actually get to command. R being really sweet and kind and the salmon on croute at the dinner party last night was a great success.
And just now the phone rang and it was C.
He's tired, been on operations for four straight days without rest and couldn't tell me anything about what he'd been doing, but some of his guys had been injured and yes, the Rifles have been hammered.
And he's got a long way left to serve and he's doing over the six months.
Hope fellow soldier's Mum and her family are well.
Please Lord don't give up on us and keep everyone safe
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Monday 29 March 2010
Day 177 Week 25
The young boy soldier who was killed has been named and he was with B Company and he looked so beautiful and young and now he's gone, God rest his soul.
Dreadful suicide bombs in Moscow, two of them on crowded tube trains and detonated by women. Somehow runs contrary to the role of the female as traditionally perceived, no longer life givers but angels of death. How dreadful it all is.
Had a fitful night's sleep and work was good and then late this morning I was walking across a classroom filled with construction lads and caught my toe on the lecturer's chair and stumbled forward clawing the air whilst simultaneously feeling as if someone had just shot my ankle. Anyway everyone very kind and supportive and was whisked off to hospital by a colleague and it's not broken just a bad sprain and now sitting like a lemon feeling thoroughly sorry for myself.
More elevation and manipulation and pain relief.
Heard from H and he's panicking as his bank card has not arrived. R and friends preparing for a dinner party for another friend for which R has created salmon on croute, 'mum, like, can you cook salmon, like, and heat it again later'. Very swiftly explained the dangers to both taste and health of reheating cooked fish.
Fellow soldier's Mum had a good weekend and hoping and praying for a happy ending too.
My nice new friend my nurse for the evening and he's really kind and sweet and running around and spoiling me.
Just heard on the news that a soldier killed was actually on his very last patrol at the very end of his tour RIP. How awful.
Please Lord look after them.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Dreadful suicide bombs in Moscow, two of them on crowded tube trains and detonated by women. Somehow runs contrary to the role of the female as traditionally perceived, no longer life givers but angels of death. How dreadful it all is.
Had a fitful night's sleep and work was good and then late this morning I was walking across a classroom filled with construction lads and caught my toe on the lecturer's chair and stumbled forward clawing the air whilst simultaneously feeling as if someone had just shot my ankle. Anyway everyone very kind and supportive and was whisked off to hospital by a colleague and it's not broken just a bad sprain and now sitting like a lemon feeling thoroughly sorry for myself.
More elevation and manipulation and pain relief.
Heard from H and he's panicking as his bank card has not arrived. R and friends preparing for a dinner party for another friend for which R has created salmon on croute, 'mum, like, can you cook salmon, like, and heat it again later'. Very swiftly explained the dangers to both taste and health of reheating cooked fish.
Fellow soldier's Mum had a good weekend and hoping and praying for a happy ending too.
My nice new friend my nurse for the evening and he's really kind and sweet and running around and spoiling me.
Just heard on the news that a soldier killed was actually on his very last patrol at the very end of his tour RIP. How awful.
Please Lord look after them.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Sunday 28 March 2010
Day 176 Week 25
The soldier from 3 Rifles killed yesterday by a suicide car bomb has still not been named, neither has the Company he was serving with. C's Company is C Company.
Prince Charles visited the troops this week and commented on the 'bloody awful time' the Rifles have had whilst on tour. Nothing more to add really.
The 'A' list party last night was fun, Alladin, Morticia Adams, Audrey Hepburn, Adam Ant and our host in the most fantastic Andy-pandy suite to name but a few. I went as a cow-girl in honour of Annie get your gun, and found it incredibly difficult to purchase said hardware and settled for a pair of sizzling red water pistols.
Isn't it ironic that it is considered so politically incorrect to play with toy weapons and yet we cheerfully bundle specimens of our youth off to another land to be assaulted by every kind of armament imaginable, including same, without batting an eye lid. We apply safety on a very selective basis.
Just seen that Barack Obama is also visiting Afghanistan - it's almost like this is the week of the celebrity appearance. The rich and famous only have to pop in and out though.
Had the most wonderful weekend in years. Absolutely delightful. Didn't want it to end. My nice new friend is the most gorgeous company and this evening he's cooking Sunday dinner for his boy.
Just hope there is nothing dreadful waiting to cloud the bliss.
Heard from H and he's left Brighton and is feeling flat as he's due to go to sea for a long stretch and the uncertainty of where that will be is concerning him. R recovered from her gathering last night which culminated with a trip to the local country club at midnight and now she's gone to visit her father in my car.
Fellow soldier's Mum sends her love.
Please look after them Lord
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Prince Charles visited the troops this week and commented on the 'bloody awful time' the Rifles have had whilst on tour. Nothing more to add really.
The 'A' list party last night was fun, Alladin, Morticia Adams, Audrey Hepburn, Adam Ant and our host in the most fantastic Andy-pandy suite to name but a few. I went as a cow-girl in honour of Annie get your gun, and found it incredibly difficult to purchase said hardware and settled for a pair of sizzling red water pistols.
Isn't it ironic that it is considered so politically incorrect to play with toy weapons and yet we cheerfully bundle specimens of our youth off to another land to be assaulted by every kind of armament imaginable, including same, without batting an eye lid. We apply safety on a very selective basis.
Just seen that Barack Obama is also visiting Afghanistan - it's almost like this is the week of the celebrity appearance. The rich and famous only have to pop in and out though.
Had the most wonderful weekend in years. Absolutely delightful. Didn't want it to end. My nice new friend is the most gorgeous company and this evening he's cooking Sunday dinner for his boy.
Just hope there is nothing dreadful waiting to cloud the bliss.
Heard from H and he's left Brighton and is feeling flat as he's due to go to sea for a long stretch and the uncertainty of where that will be is concerning him. R recovered from her gathering last night which culminated with a trip to the local country club at midnight and now she's gone to visit her father in my car.
Fellow soldier's Mum sends her love.
Please look after them Lord
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Saturday 27 March 2010
Day 175 Week 24
Had a lovely lazy day, went shopping for water pistols for a fancy dress party tonight with my very nice new friend. Then we went to visit a gorgeous friend of mine and bought some grub to have before we go out.
Came home to the news on the radio that another soldier has been killed and he was with 3 Rifles looking for IEDs when a car bomb killed him, RIP the poor lamb.
Haven't heard anything and am praying everyone who can be is safe and well.
Heard from H and he's in Brighton again for a party and I'm on look out duty for mail for him. R home and having a few select friends around for a discreet gathering where no doubt conversation will gently flow from culture to art to politics, or maybe not in view of the vast amount of vodka that has just been carted upstairs. And no news of or from C.
Please Lord we need your help.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Came home to the news on the radio that another soldier has been killed and he was with 3 Rifles looking for IEDs when a car bomb killed him, RIP the poor lamb.
Haven't heard anything and am praying everyone who can be is safe and well.
Heard from H and he's in Brighton again for a party and I'm on look out duty for mail for him. R home and having a few select friends around for a discreet gathering where no doubt conversation will gently flow from culture to art to politics, or maybe not in view of the vast amount of vodka that has just been carted upstairs. And no news of or from C.
Please Lord we need your help.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Friday 26 March 2010
Day 174 Week 24
Fun Friday and the day was good thank goodness.
Work fine, everyone in really good form and now just got back from the pub with my really nice new friend and the shepherd's pie is running late as had forgotten how complicated creating same can be.
Oh my how the tone can change.
Just came into the house in a bundle of laughter as I firstly lost my keys and secondly couldn't open the door and we put the tv on and caught the end of the news and oh no but I think I heard the tail end of an announcement that another soldier has been killed. May God rest his soul.
You see no matter how far you think you've gone from it all it rears its ugly head and bites you on the bum and reminds you of its powerful horror.
No news from H. R out in my car and has taken the DVD player for a girlie's night. And no news from C.
Fellow soldier's Mum thankfully feeling better.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Work fine, everyone in really good form and now just got back from the pub with my really nice new friend and the shepherd's pie is running late as had forgotten how complicated creating same can be.
Oh my how the tone can change.
Just came into the house in a bundle of laughter as I firstly lost my keys and secondly couldn't open the door and we put the tv on and caught the end of the news and oh no but I think I heard the tail end of an announcement that another soldier has been killed. May God rest his soul.
You see no matter how far you think you've gone from it all it rears its ugly head and bites you on the bum and reminds you of its powerful horror.
No news from H. R out in my car and has taken the DVD player for a girlie's night. And no news from C.
Fellow soldier's Mum thankfully feeling better.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Thursday 25 March 2010
Day 173 Week 24
Back to dual existence. Normal one minute and then terror the next.
Just heard the poor Rifleman killed the other day has been named, God rest his soul. How many grieving hearts are spread in every direction. Just shudder to think about all that pain.
Work faffy. Admin all morning and a career's fair in the afternoon. Chatted to the guys from the Army and Air Force and then back to the classroom and drug awareness. Colleagues really good fun though and have been well and truly taken under their wing and they made me laugh and laugh at ridiculousness. That's the best thing to do with it really.
Home really late and there was a freak storm and the village was flooded. Came into the house and loads of odds and sods to sort out and just want to get into my pj's and get ready for bed.
Had a lovely message of support from one of H and C's gorgeous friends on my answerphone and rang him back and he was so sweet saying such positive things about what C's doing and how proud it must be to be his mother. And although I am, deeply, I would trade that in an instant as all I really want and pray for now is for him to come home.
Spoke to H and he's in really good form and by some miraculous fluke has apparently managed to blag his way into the Governor's Ball in Albuquerque. And he's also running a half marathon in the desert with his friend to try and raise two and a half thousand pounds for Help for Heroes. R just bundled through the front door back from uni and is looking far too fabulous considering she's drenched and extremely windswept, 'Mum, it's, like, really wet out there'. And still no news from C.
My nice new friend rang and has just arrived at work and may see him in the morning when he drives back from the station but should definitely see him in the evening as I'm cooking him shepherd's pie for supper and then we're doing a nice long walk on Saturday afternoon.
Fellow soldier's Mum sends love and I think we each know exactly how the other one feels.
Thank you Lord for what you've given us so far, and could you just let him come home safely please.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Just heard the poor Rifleman killed the other day has been named, God rest his soul. How many grieving hearts are spread in every direction. Just shudder to think about all that pain.
Work faffy. Admin all morning and a career's fair in the afternoon. Chatted to the guys from the Army and Air Force and then back to the classroom and drug awareness. Colleagues really good fun though and have been well and truly taken under their wing and they made me laugh and laugh at ridiculousness. That's the best thing to do with it really.
Home really late and there was a freak storm and the village was flooded. Came into the house and loads of odds and sods to sort out and just want to get into my pj's and get ready for bed.
Had a lovely message of support from one of H and C's gorgeous friends on my answerphone and rang him back and he was so sweet saying such positive things about what C's doing and how proud it must be to be his mother. And although I am, deeply, I would trade that in an instant as all I really want and pray for now is for him to come home.
Spoke to H and he's in really good form and by some miraculous fluke has apparently managed to blag his way into the Governor's Ball in Albuquerque. And he's also running a half marathon in the desert with his friend to try and raise two and a half thousand pounds for Help for Heroes. R just bundled through the front door back from uni and is looking far too fabulous considering she's drenched and extremely windswept, 'Mum, it's, like, really wet out there'. And still no news from C.
My nice new friend rang and has just arrived at work and may see him in the morning when he drives back from the station but should definitely see him in the evening as I'm cooking him shepherd's pie for supper and then we're doing a nice long walk on Saturday afternoon.
Fellow soldier's Mum sends love and I think we each know exactly how the other one feels.
Thank you Lord for what you've given us so far, and could you just let him come home safely please.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Wednesday 24 March 2010
Day 172 Week 24
Well it's the budget today and can't get excited about it as feel totally detached from most of the categories affected. It's like I've slipped under the financial radar. That said, if they slash further education, could be well and truly stuffed.
Just got home and visited friend on the way back and had a chat and a laugh and a delicious cup of coffee. Then apologised to another friend as she and her husband had very kindly included me in an invitation for drinks on Sunday evening but owing to a state of being totally knackered, having tried to call once when the phone was engaged to explain lack of attendance, completely forgot to ring back and must have appeared very rude. She was very sweet though and understood both the affects of knackerdom and an attention span the length of a bewildered gnat.
Spring seemed to definitely be in the air today.
Sat in the park at lunchtime in warm sunshine with colleague putting the world to rights. Love the people I work with, they're such good company and have a tremendous sense of fun, but that's not meant to imply they're not completely professional within the working environment. Functioning in the field we do with some of the students we have means a healthy sense of humour is sometimes the only thing keeping you sane.
There were the inevitable moments of irritating tail chasing though and that was a pain. Then am mindful of how different the consequences of my moments of ire must be to those of C and in a split second am humbled. What constitutes a bad day for me probably doesn't even register on his scale.
Oh Lord back to the dread.
Not heard from H. Heard from R and she's fine thank goodness and does have said teeshirt. Still no news from C.
Fellow soldier's Mum still poorly bless her and my nice new friend is with his son again.
Please God all can be fine.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Just got home and visited friend on the way back and had a chat and a laugh and a delicious cup of coffee. Then apologised to another friend as she and her husband had very kindly included me in an invitation for drinks on Sunday evening but owing to a state of being totally knackered, having tried to call once when the phone was engaged to explain lack of attendance, completely forgot to ring back and must have appeared very rude. She was very sweet though and understood both the affects of knackerdom and an attention span the length of a bewildered gnat.
Spring seemed to definitely be in the air today.
Sat in the park at lunchtime in warm sunshine with colleague putting the world to rights. Love the people I work with, they're such good company and have a tremendous sense of fun, but that's not meant to imply they're not completely professional within the working environment. Functioning in the field we do with some of the students we have means a healthy sense of humour is sometimes the only thing keeping you sane.
There were the inevitable moments of irritating tail chasing though and that was a pain. Then am mindful of how different the consequences of my moments of ire must be to those of C and in a split second am humbled. What constitutes a bad day for me probably doesn't even register on his scale.
Oh Lord back to the dread.
Not heard from H. Heard from R and she's fine thank goodness and does have said teeshirt. Still no news from C.
Fellow soldier's Mum still poorly bless her and my nice new friend is with his son again.
Please God all can be fine.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Tuesday 23 March 2010
Day 171 Week 24
It's really wet and have just got home from visiting a friend and am in my pyjamas and have got a really sore throat. Still as the saying goes, if that's the worse that happens I'll have a good life.
Work flew by in the classic state of too much to do and too little time. Plastering all morning and am now fully conversant with the procedure of screeding a floor. Followed by ICT and CV creation. Actually all went really well.
Just want C home and am in a bit of a state of agitation right now. Maybe it's the rain teeming down and clattering against the window that makes me want to be curled up with everyone I love safe and sound and with me.
Must stay positive and not dwell on every alternative of horror that could befall mankind.
Poor fellow soldier's Mum has been struck down with the flu and is really ill. It's that time of year when we all nearly collapse from winter-fatigue but then hopefully the wisp of Spring arrives in the nick of time and jolts us back to life.
Well that's the hope anyway.
Heard from H and the reason they learn to navigate by the stars is that if, for some reason, they no longer have access to satellites then the Navy can still sail the seven seas, didn't like to ask if that meant only at night. Not heard from R even though I tried to contact her about missing items of my clothing, specifically orange Gap tee-shirt. Not heard from C.
My nice new friend being a good daddy and collecting his son from football training, and he's surprised me with a trip to the west country, which is something really really nice to look forward to.
Please Lord everything else can be just as really really nice too.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Work flew by in the classic state of too much to do and too little time. Plastering all morning and am now fully conversant with the procedure of screeding a floor. Followed by ICT and CV creation. Actually all went really well.
Just want C home and am in a bit of a state of agitation right now. Maybe it's the rain teeming down and clattering against the window that makes me want to be curled up with everyone I love safe and sound and with me.
Must stay positive and not dwell on every alternative of horror that could befall mankind.
Poor fellow soldier's Mum has been struck down with the flu and is really ill. It's that time of year when we all nearly collapse from winter-fatigue but then hopefully the wisp of Spring arrives in the nick of time and jolts us back to life.
Well that's the hope anyway.
Heard from H and the reason they learn to navigate by the stars is that if, for some reason, they no longer have access to satellites then the Navy can still sail the seven seas, didn't like to ask if that meant only at night. Not heard from R even though I tried to contact her about missing items of my clothing, specifically orange Gap tee-shirt. Not heard from C.
My nice new friend being a good daddy and collecting his son from football training, and he's surprised me with a trip to the west country, which is something really really nice to look forward to.
Please Lord everything else can be just as really really nice too.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Monday 22 March 2010
Day 170 Week 24
A colleague at work read out the news that another poor Rifleman was killed early this morning, may God rest his soul, and can only think of the family and the dreadful loss and pain they must be experiencing. The Rifles are being hammered poor lambs.
The nearer the scheduled end becomes the slower time seems to be passing.
Work was good but hectic. Colleague's birthday and was in class almost all day as in an extra lesson, but the kids were actually OK to good, and that always makes a difference. Construction and Beauty, what an interesting pairing, it's as if the boys in the building industry evolved to become the consorts of the girls in the pampering professions. A profoundly symbiotic relationship involving an awful lot of coy glances, loud giggling and hair twiddling exchanged with macho posturing, male bonding and involuntary staring across the quad, particularly when the sun shines.
Heard from H and he's one of five from the RN who have been chosen to complete their astro-nav with the US Navy and they'll fly over there for a week and then sail back across the Atlantic on a US carrier, and he's thrilled. Apparently 'astro-nav' is navigating by the stars. Was stunned to think that was still on the radar of strategies in these days of satellite technology but suppose they could find themselves stranded in a dingy one day and you never know maybe it could come in useful. R arrived home this morning and I didn't have to take her to Uxbridge for the train as she had a lift. No news from C.
Fellow soldier's Mum and I in exactly the same boat and are crawling to the end of the tour.
Heard from my nice new friend and he's well too.
All I can do is repeat the prayer, Lord please keep them safe and bring them home.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
The nearer the scheduled end becomes the slower time seems to be passing.
Work was good but hectic. Colleague's birthday and was in class almost all day as in an extra lesson, but the kids were actually OK to good, and that always makes a difference. Construction and Beauty, what an interesting pairing, it's as if the boys in the building industry evolved to become the consorts of the girls in the pampering professions. A profoundly symbiotic relationship involving an awful lot of coy glances, loud giggling and hair twiddling exchanged with macho posturing, male bonding and involuntary staring across the quad, particularly when the sun shines.
Heard from H and he's one of five from the RN who have been chosen to complete their astro-nav with the US Navy and they'll fly over there for a week and then sail back across the Atlantic on a US carrier, and he's thrilled. Apparently 'astro-nav' is navigating by the stars. Was stunned to think that was still on the radar of strategies in these days of satellite technology but suppose they could find themselves stranded in a dingy one day and you never know maybe it could come in useful. R arrived home this morning and I didn't have to take her to Uxbridge for the train as she had a lift. No news from C.
Fellow soldier's Mum and I in exactly the same boat and are crawling to the end of the tour.
Heard from my nice new friend and he's well too.
All I can do is repeat the prayer, Lord please keep them safe and bring them home.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Sunday 21 March 2010
Day 169 Week 24
Went to the twenty-first last night and it was really good. My nice new friend came too and we chatted with the young and not so young and everyone had a really good time. Lots of anecdotes about H, C and R which was really sweet and they were certainly missed. The boy is completing his training to be a scout out in Afghanistan and his mother said that this time she's going to try and hold it together as last time everyone, including herself, thought she was going mad. That's just how it feels, teetering on the brink of loosing it and just about managing to stay the right side of the line.
My nice new friend having the day with his son so off to football this morning and he was such good company, and once we got back from the party caught the remainder of the France v England game, and then sat talking far too long and it was very late by the time I hit the mattress. Went for a gorgeous walk with friends this afternoon around the house and grounds of Disraeli's nearby former residence, which also happened to be a top secret RAF post for making maps for bomber command during the second world war, and the tangible evidence of Spring was everywhere to be seen. Daffodils gingerly sticking their heads out of the earth, new born lambs bleating in the distance and doves fluttering up against each other, and all in the most gorgeous, warm sunshine.
Have coincidentally heard from several sources this week that prior to C's posting he was asking everyone from family to friends and neighbours to 'keep an eye on Mum and make sure she's alright', and the irony is of course, that I have no heed for my own safety whatsoever and only care and pray for that of others.
Heard from H and he's had a couple of days on a very choppy small ship bobbing about in the waters outside Cardiff and is 'knackered'. R in recovery after her Essex cultural visit. Not heard from C but at the party several said that they had spoken to him during the week. Fellow solidier's Mum sends the love and support she always does, and I hope I help her as much as she helps me.
Am now going to complete the maths paper which for one reason or another did not get finished on Friday.
Look after them all please Lord.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
My nice new friend having the day with his son so off to football this morning and he was such good company, and once we got back from the party caught the remainder of the France v England game, and then sat talking far too long and it was very late by the time I hit the mattress. Went for a gorgeous walk with friends this afternoon around the house and grounds of Disraeli's nearby former residence, which also happened to be a top secret RAF post for making maps for bomber command during the second world war, and the tangible evidence of Spring was everywhere to be seen. Daffodils gingerly sticking their heads out of the earth, new born lambs bleating in the distance and doves fluttering up against each other, and all in the most gorgeous, warm sunshine.
Have coincidentally heard from several sources this week that prior to C's posting he was asking everyone from family to friends and neighbours to 'keep an eye on Mum and make sure she's alright', and the irony is of course, that I have no heed for my own safety whatsoever and only care and pray for that of others.
Heard from H and he's had a couple of days on a very choppy small ship bobbing about in the waters outside Cardiff and is 'knackered'. R in recovery after her Essex cultural visit. Not heard from C but at the party several said that they had spoken to him during the week. Fellow solidier's Mum sends the love and support she always does, and I hope I help her as much as she helps me.
Am now going to complete the maths paper which for one reason or another did not get finished on Friday.
Look after them all please Lord.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Saturday 20 March 2010
Day 168 Week 23
Absolutely lovely evening. Supper and talking until an extremely late hour and then fell asleep and actually slept for a change. And now today we're going to the twenty-first of a friend of C's and he's also a soldier and due to go back out in September. There seems to be a constant merry-go-round of out and back and I read yesterday that the infantry soldier can now expect to go to Afghanistan once in every two years.
Was supposed to be going for a long walk but the day turned into a very lazy feast of lolling around. And now watching the rugby and Wales beating Italy twelve-nil. Wonder if C ever gets to see or hear the rugby as he loves it so much.
Think I'm going to be totally decadent and have a sleep before the drinks this evening.
No news from H. R off to a party the other side of the M25,and trying to remain upbeat and not neurotic about the thought of her out on the razzle in Essex. No news from C and am just hoping the same as I always hope.
Fellow soldier's Mum plodding on too.
Keep them safe please Lord.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Friday 19 March 2010
Day 167 Week 23
Fun Friday and it's raining and work was good and it's the end of the week thank goodness.
Am waiting for my new friend to arrive and the night's ghastly and saw him again this morning and this time I surprised him on the school run.
Heard from fellow soldier's Mum and the exponential relationship between nearness to end of tour, stoked by fear, and coupled to the realisation that we have ridden our luck so far, and will we be able to ride the lady of fortune until the happy ending we so desperately seek. Please God we shall.
No news from H. R out and about in my car and hope she's OK because the evening's foul. No news from C but may the Lord and providence keep him safe and bring him home.
Supper extremely late.
Thank you Lord.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Am waiting for my new friend to arrive and the night's ghastly and saw him again this morning and this time I surprised him on the school run.
Heard from fellow soldier's Mum and the exponential relationship between nearness to end of tour, stoked by fear, and coupled to the realisation that we have ridden our luck so far, and will we be able to ride the lady of fortune until the happy ending we so desperately seek. Please God we shall.
No news from H. R out and about in my car and hope she's OK because the evening's foul. No news from C but may the Lord and providence keep him safe and bring him home.
Supper extremely late.
Thank you Lord.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Thursday 18 March 2010
Day 166 Week 23
No news from C and have dutifully sent ketchup and garlic mayonnaise off to a foreign land and hope they don't burst on the journey as it will make a heck of a mess.
Saw on the news that two bomb disposal experts have been given the George Cross, one there to receive the honour personally and the other presented to the late soldier's widow in his honour. It's wonderful to see them recognised for the awesome duty and selflessness they perform and I can't begin to think how they do what they actually do, or did do, day after day after day. But thank goodness they can go on doing it knowing all the consequences imaginable and don't display the reluctance or fear we ordinary mortals possess.
Work good. Really needy students some of whom have had horrendous past experiences and they were very well behaved and keen to do well which is always a treat. Then drove home and weather wet and cold and real surprise as R home from college unexpectedly and she's really good and told me she wants to go and see my cousin and family over the Easter break.
Then had a call from another soldier's Mum and it's her son's twenty-first on Saturday, and he's C's best friend, and she's invited me and new friend to a drinks do at five in the afternoon and that's something nice to look forward to. And am also seeing new friend tomorrow night and have been ribbed mercilessly by colleagues a work as we're having a very exclusive evening having supper and doing practice maths papers.
Not heard from H and hope Cardiff went well. R just off in my car somewhere. Still now news from C. And fellow soldier's Mum finding it really, really hard.
Please Lord let them come home safely
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Saw on the news that two bomb disposal experts have been given the George Cross, one there to receive the honour personally and the other presented to the late soldier's widow in his honour. It's wonderful to see them recognised for the awesome duty and selflessness they perform and I can't begin to think how they do what they actually do, or did do, day after day after day. But thank goodness they can go on doing it knowing all the consequences imaginable and don't display the reluctance or fear we ordinary mortals possess.
Work good. Really needy students some of whom have had horrendous past experiences and they were very well behaved and keen to do well which is always a treat. Then drove home and weather wet and cold and real surprise as R home from college unexpectedly and she's really good and told me she wants to go and see my cousin and family over the Easter break.
Then had a call from another soldier's Mum and it's her son's twenty-first on Saturday, and he's C's best friend, and she's invited me and new friend to a drinks do at five in the afternoon and that's something nice to look forward to. And am also seeing new friend tomorrow night and have been ribbed mercilessly by colleagues a work as we're having a very exclusive evening having supper and doing practice maths papers.
Not heard from H and hope Cardiff went well. R just off in my car somewhere. Still now news from C. And fellow soldier's Mum finding it really, really hard.
Please Lord let them come home safely
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Wednesday 17 March 2010
Day 165 Week 23
Two soldiers from the Anglian Regiment killed, RIP, and yet again they just look like children.
Was back downstairs at three this morning with the brain like a concrete mixer. Had a glass of milk and did eventually fall back asleep but everything is so much more scary in the dark of the night. I suppose that's why little children like to sleep with the light on, the shadows don't play so many tricks that way.
Work was good with lots of lovely Health and Social Care followed by dreamy Art and am now going to go for a walk in the hope that it will foster a better sleeping environment than the last few nights. Then dinner and bed. Well that's the hope anyway.
Realise I'd started time-travelling again with the chronology of the blog and that's always a sign of intellectual malfunction. Seem to be quite a few of those lately.
Didn't fail to see nice new friend this morning as he was late leaving town. Not heard from H but he's been invited to a really posh wedding. Heard from R who rang and said 'Mum, this is, like, really stressful, but can you, like, use cayenne instead of Cajun spice, because I can't, like, find any'. Duly explained dangers of over-using chilli-pepper and as R then read out the contents of the herb shelf at her local Co-op, recommended she opt for chicken seasoning as an alternative. And she said 'thank you Mum'. Not heard from C. Heard from fellow soldier's Mum and she's feeling really tired. And that's just how I feel too.
Please keep them safe Lord.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Was back downstairs at three this morning with the brain like a concrete mixer. Had a glass of milk and did eventually fall back asleep but everything is so much more scary in the dark of the night. I suppose that's why little children like to sleep with the light on, the shadows don't play so many tricks that way.
Work was good with lots of lovely Health and Social Care followed by dreamy Art and am now going to go for a walk in the hope that it will foster a better sleeping environment than the last few nights. Then dinner and bed. Well that's the hope anyway.
Realise I'd started time-travelling again with the chronology of the blog and that's always a sign of intellectual malfunction. Seem to be quite a few of those lately.
Didn't fail to see nice new friend this morning as he was late leaving town. Not heard from H but he's been invited to a really posh wedding. Heard from R who rang and said 'Mum, this is, like, really stressful, but can you, like, use cayenne instead of Cajun spice, because I can't, like, find any'. Duly explained dangers of over-using chilli-pepper and as R then read out the contents of the herb shelf at her local Co-op, recommended she opt for chicken seasoning as an alternative. And she said 'thank you Mum'. Not heard from C. Heard from fellow soldier's Mum and she's feeling really tired. And that's just how I feel too.
Please keep them safe Lord.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Tuesday 16 March 2010
Day 164 Week 23
A poor soldier died today at Selly Oak Hospital. He'd returned home in February but didn't make it, may he rest in peace. The thought of him holding on for so long only to die is so horrendous.
Then I spoke to my dear friend whose Mother lives in Wootton Bassett and was there when the Riflemen came home last week and she said it's absolutely extraordinary. Apparently you literally can hear the birds sing whilst a crowd of many hundreds stand in total silence.
Drove home at the end of a beautifully sunny day and then began to feel really sad and don't know why so suddenly.
Fellow soldier's Mum said she's limping to the finishing line and that's exactly how it feels. Limp, limp, limp. So near and yet to reiterate the cliche, so very, very far. Bad dreams again last night and woke up at three in the morning but managed to get back to sleep, but am definitely troubled. Is it dread or is it the onset of Spring and the Vernal Equinox with all the mystical energy our forebears revered? Who can tell. Just know the upshot is darkness is back to being scary and the wee-small-hours a cavernous empty torment.
The had a really bad guilt trip today as remembered C had asked for another parcel to be sent out when he rang on Sunday, and as well as the usual there was a special request for ketchup and garlic mayonnaise. And I forgot. How could I forget something so important as ketchup and garlic mayonnaise? Spent the day in rabid self-reproach at oversight and on my way home went shopping to try to rectify the error. Ketchup and garlic mayonnaise have now grown into monstrous proportion and have an illogical desire to dispatch them to Afghanistan with more haste than is possible.
Suspect it could be a case of transference of anxiety.
On a happier note apparently I was yet again unaware my lovely new friend and I passed each other on the way to and from work this morning, and he just rang and made me laugh and to have someone make you happy when you're sad is just really, really nice.
No news from H. R rang and without a pause asked 'Mum, like, can you put mushrooms into California risotto instead of, like, sweetcorn 'cause my friend doesn't like sweetcorn?', and I told her she could. No news from C and California risotto is one of his favourite meals.
Keep up the work please Lord.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Then I spoke to my dear friend whose Mother lives in Wootton Bassett and was there when the Riflemen came home last week and she said it's absolutely extraordinary. Apparently you literally can hear the birds sing whilst a crowd of many hundreds stand in total silence.
Drove home at the end of a beautifully sunny day and then began to feel really sad and don't know why so suddenly.
Fellow soldier's Mum said she's limping to the finishing line and that's exactly how it feels. Limp, limp, limp. So near and yet to reiterate the cliche, so very, very far. Bad dreams again last night and woke up at three in the morning but managed to get back to sleep, but am definitely troubled. Is it dread or is it the onset of Spring and the Vernal Equinox with all the mystical energy our forebears revered? Who can tell. Just know the upshot is darkness is back to being scary and the wee-small-hours a cavernous empty torment.
The had a really bad guilt trip today as remembered C had asked for another parcel to be sent out when he rang on Sunday, and as well as the usual there was a special request for ketchup and garlic mayonnaise. And I forgot. How could I forget something so important as ketchup and garlic mayonnaise? Spent the day in rabid self-reproach at oversight and on my way home went shopping to try to rectify the error. Ketchup and garlic mayonnaise have now grown into monstrous proportion and have an illogical desire to dispatch them to Afghanistan with more haste than is possible.
Suspect it could be a case of transference of anxiety.
On a happier note apparently I was yet again unaware my lovely new friend and I passed each other on the way to and from work this morning, and he just rang and made me laugh and to have someone make you happy when you're sad is just really, really nice.
No news from H. R rang and without a pause asked 'Mum, like, can you put mushrooms into California risotto instead of, like, sweetcorn 'cause my friend doesn't like sweetcorn?', and I told her she could. No news from C and California risotto is one of his favourite meals.
Keep up the work please Lord.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Monday 15 March 2010
Day 163 Week 23
Terrible night's sleep. Woke up with a start and knew it involved C but couldn't place it properly. It's left me feeling really uneasy.
Think it could be because he'd told me they'd found all those IEDs, and actually the last thought I want to hold in the world is my son being in any proximity to one of those evil creations. Oh my goodness it makes me shudder.
Drove to work and the morning was cold but brightly sunny and apparently my really nice new friend followed me for part of the journey and was flashing and tooting but we never made contact.
Isn't life strange.
Work was good but busy. Electricity today, creating circuits involving meters and fuses and ceiling roses and switches, and gosh it was confusing. It was all that working out which one went in and which one came out, but the boys seemed to grasp it. Then had lunch with a friend and caught up on the news in our home village, and finally finished the day doing paperwork and came home.
Fellow soldier's Mum and I exchanged our daily bulletin about how we feel and can we just about cope with it all. Then I had to write to the Court and sort out more irritating mess. No news from H and hope he's safely in Cardiff. R text to say she was safely back at uni. No news from C but I can't put him out of my mind for a moment.
I love my beautiful flowers from yesterday and just wish all three of them had been here.
More prayers Lord.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Think it could be because he'd told me they'd found all those IEDs, and actually the last thought I want to hold in the world is my son being in any proximity to one of those evil creations. Oh my goodness it makes me shudder.
Drove to work and the morning was cold but brightly sunny and apparently my really nice new friend followed me for part of the journey and was flashing and tooting but we never made contact.
Isn't life strange.
Work was good but busy. Electricity today, creating circuits involving meters and fuses and ceiling roses and switches, and gosh it was confusing. It was all that working out which one went in and which one came out, but the boys seemed to grasp it. Then had lunch with a friend and caught up on the news in our home village, and finally finished the day doing paperwork and came home.
Fellow soldier's Mum and I exchanged our daily bulletin about how we feel and can we just about cope with it all. Then I had to write to the Court and sort out more irritating mess. No news from H and hope he's safely in Cardiff. R text to say she was safely back at uni. No news from C but I can't put him out of my mind for a moment.
I love my beautiful flowers from yesterday and just wish all three of them had been here.
More prayers Lord.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Sunday 14 March 2010
Day 162 Week 23
Mothering Sunday.
Fellow soldier's Mum said that M and his brother always cook lunch for her on this day, but that this year there will be something missing. That's just how it feels. Something really important is missing and not where it should be. Am pondering just exactly how many undersubscribed Mothering Sundays there are around this great nation of ours and the answer must be thousands and of course many of those are not because of a war in a far away land.
Any way C would be extremely proud of his sister as she was really sweet and I actually was treated to a second lovely day in succession. Flowers and a home made card with daffodils (favourite flower) on the cover this morning and then a walk along the river followed by lunch at a wonderfully eccentric riverside inn. It was so good to have her to talk to properly for a change. We sat outside on the gorgeous riverbank and she asked me questions about her family and she was such delightful company, and I realised to my shame, that we'd got out of the habit of enjoying each other. She really is lovely God bless her.
Then treat of treats had a text from H saying 'Spam, will be popping in at home with a card in an hour - bet you thought I'd forgotten! Haha x'. So R and I finished our lunch and dashed home to wait for H and coincidence of coincidences he'd been in Brighton for the weekend. And when I said I was too with my new friend, and why didn't he tell me he was there, he quite rightly responded with 'why on earth would I think you were also in town'. Transpired we'd almost driven past his door.
Then my new friend rang and we chatted and he made me laugh and am now looking forward to seeing him again on Friday dv. He's so nice. That's it in a nutshell. People really don't use that word enough any more.
Anyway if things couldn't get any better just had a call, and didn't think to look at the number, and when I answered it a very familiar distant voice said 'Ma, happy Mothering Sunday', and it was C. Two calls in two days and it was so good to waffle away to him and thank him for the card and flowers R had sent from all of them and now I just want him home so much.
H dashed in and then off to a navigational course in Cardiff. R at the gym and I'm taking her to get the train in Uxbridge when she gets back. And C much loved and missed.
Thank you Lord for the best undersubscribed Mothering Sunday I could have had under the circumstances, and please could you continue to keep everyone safe from harm.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Fellow soldier's Mum said that M and his brother always cook lunch for her on this day, but that this year there will be something missing. That's just how it feels. Something really important is missing and not where it should be. Am pondering just exactly how many undersubscribed Mothering Sundays there are around this great nation of ours and the answer must be thousands and of course many of those are not because of a war in a far away land.
Any way C would be extremely proud of his sister as she was really sweet and I actually was treated to a second lovely day in succession. Flowers and a home made card with daffodils (favourite flower) on the cover this morning and then a walk along the river followed by lunch at a wonderfully eccentric riverside inn. It was so good to have her to talk to properly for a change. We sat outside on the gorgeous riverbank and she asked me questions about her family and she was such delightful company, and I realised to my shame, that we'd got out of the habit of enjoying each other. She really is lovely God bless her.
Then treat of treats had a text from H saying 'Spam, will be popping in at home with a card in an hour - bet you thought I'd forgotten! Haha x'. So R and I finished our lunch and dashed home to wait for H and coincidence of coincidences he'd been in Brighton for the weekend. And when I said I was too with my new friend, and why didn't he tell me he was there, he quite rightly responded with 'why on earth would I think you were also in town'. Transpired we'd almost driven past his door.
Then my new friend rang and we chatted and he made me laugh and am now looking forward to seeing him again on Friday dv. He's so nice. That's it in a nutshell. People really don't use that word enough any more.
Anyway if things couldn't get any better just had a call, and didn't think to look at the number, and when I answered it a very familiar distant voice said 'Ma, happy Mothering Sunday', and it was C. Two calls in two days and it was so good to waffle away to him and thank him for the card and flowers R had sent from all of them and now I just want him home so much.
H dashed in and then off to a navigational course in Cardiff. R at the gym and I'm taking her to get the train in Uxbridge when she gets back. And C much loved and missed.
Thank you Lord for the best undersubscribed Mothering Sunday I could have had under the circumstances, and please could you continue to keep everyone safe from harm.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Saturday 13 March 2010
Day 161 Week 22
Woke up to the today programme and a retired General and a boffin arguing over whether a former soldier should be able to speak out politically about decisions made by politicians. The boffin thought opinions should remain a strictly private affair. Can't help but wonder why it is that our elected representatives should regard themselves to be impervious to criticism from those no longer serving, but from whom while they did, they expected so much silent unquestioning obedience. Surely they, more than anyone, have earnt the right to voice their opinions? We seem to have bred an oligarchy which holds itself beyond recall.
Went to Brighton and had one of the loveliest days in ages. Walked along the undercliff by the shore with the sky and sea a gentle calm turquoise and chatted with my new friend about childhoods and youth, had a lovely leisurely lunch at the Marina, and then walked the couple of miles back to the car. As we drove home the sky faded from silvery into golden and it looked beautiful. Managed to loose several things many times, but didn't fall or knock anything over and my new friend never minded a bit and is really, really nice.
Walked in the house to R being lovely and was blown away when she said 'I'm, like, going over to dad's, like, really early tomorrow, but, like, not for long, and then would you, like, like to do something?'.
At which point the phone rang and it was the innocuous ordinary number which symbolises C ringing from Afghanistan. He told me he was fine and glad to be back with the boys. He told me he was deaf after I screamed when I heard his voice (even louder then usual as I initially thought I'd rejected the call instead of accepting it). He told me he was living at the same place as before. He told me the friend from the next village was now working directly with him. And he told me that they'd been 'out and about' that day and had found 'loads of IEDs' which the disposal guys had dealt with.
I'm trying not to cry.
Heard from fellow soldier's Mum and she's just about coping. Not heard from H. R just popped down into the village. And I want to think about walking by the sea and not bombs and explosions and awfulness.
Look after them all please Lord.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Went to Brighton and had one of the loveliest days in ages. Walked along the undercliff by the shore with the sky and sea a gentle calm turquoise and chatted with my new friend about childhoods and youth, had a lovely leisurely lunch at the Marina, and then walked the couple of miles back to the car. As we drove home the sky faded from silvery into golden and it looked beautiful. Managed to loose several things many times, but didn't fall or knock anything over and my new friend never minded a bit and is really, really nice.
Walked in the house to R being lovely and was blown away when she said 'I'm, like, going over to dad's, like, really early tomorrow, but, like, not for long, and then would you, like, like to do something?'.
At which point the phone rang and it was the innocuous ordinary number which symbolises C ringing from Afghanistan. He told me he was fine and glad to be back with the boys. He told me he was deaf after I screamed when I heard his voice (even louder then usual as I initially thought I'd rejected the call instead of accepting it). He told me he was living at the same place as before. He told me the friend from the next village was now working directly with him. And he told me that they'd been 'out and about' that day and had found 'loads of IEDs' which the disposal guys had dealt with.
I'm trying not to cry.
Heard from fellow soldier's Mum and she's just about coping. Not heard from H. R just popped down into the village. And I want to think about walking by the sea and not bombs and explosions and awfulness.
Look after them all please Lord.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Friday 12 March 2010
Day 160 Week 22
Heard from a dear friend and she's in Wootton Bassett for the repatriation of the five soldiers, may they rest in peace. Her mother lives there and she was visiting and so joined the crowds to pay her respects. So so sad, oh my goodness how the families must be feeling.
Heard from fellow soldier's Mum and she's extremely anxious and worried and all she wants is M home. Then just had a phone call from another soldier's Mum and she's praying and always has C in her thoughts and hopes he's safe and well and her son goes back out soon with special forces on scouting duties. Can't even begin to think how she's be coping.
Scattered little pockets of motherhood hoping for nothing apart from no bombs or bullets for their young.
Work is definitely salvation at the moment. Everyone so kind and supportive and it's quite a diversion evaluating the new examination format. Initially it does appear to be over complicated though.
It's Friday and I'm going out to meet my new friend and then hopefully tomorrow we're going for a windswept walk in the rain along the beach in Sussex. Some little glow of something to look forward to and temporarily block out the awful dread.
Not heard from H. R gone down to Bournemouth for a party. Heard through C's gorgeous girlfriend that he's arrived at the front again.
Please keep them safe Lord.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Heard from fellow soldier's Mum and she's extremely anxious and worried and all she wants is M home. Then just had a phone call from another soldier's Mum and she's praying and always has C in her thoughts and hopes he's safe and well and her son goes back out soon with special forces on scouting duties. Can't even begin to think how she's be coping.
Scattered little pockets of motherhood hoping for nothing apart from no bombs or bullets for their young.
Work is definitely salvation at the moment. Everyone so kind and supportive and it's quite a diversion evaluating the new examination format. Initially it does appear to be over complicated though.
It's Friday and I'm going out to meet my new friend and then hopefully tomorrow we're going for a windswept walk in the rain along the beach in Sussex. Some little glow of something to look forward to and temporarily block out the awful dread.
Not heard from H. R gone down to Bournemouth for a party. Heard through C's gorgeous girlfriend that he's arrived at the front again.
Please keep them safe Lord.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Thursday 11 March 2010
Day 159 Week 22
Two Riflemen brought home today RIP. God I hate this war.
Weather lovely, bright and sunny but freezing cold and was nearly wiped out on the way to work this morning when an idiot pulled out in front of the car in front of the car in front of me on a roundabout, and I was within a second of being the ham-in-the-sandwich.
Work was good and then half way through e-mailing my new friend found out will be part of an observation during the afternoon lesson. The day careered from routine into extremely stressful with an 'if it can go wrong it will go wrong' sort of a vibe. Still would rather I was having an challenging time with the possible consequences merely being irritating, than C, where the consequences could prove devastating.
Brain all over the place. Am sort of doing normal then tumbling into 'who am I again'?
Heard from fellow soldier's Mum and she's just the same. Not heard from H and R home and having a really important conversation on the sofa with her friend about long socks. I've just got home from the termly departmental staff meeting and I'm going to have a bath and go to bed.
Hope C and everyone safe please Lord.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Weather lovely, bright and sunny but freezing cold and was nearly wiped out on the way to work this morning when an idiot pulled out in front of the car in front of the car in front of me on a roundabout, and I was within a second of being the ham-in-the-sandwich.
Work was good and then half way through e-mailing my new friend found out will be part of an observation during the afternoon lesson. The day careered from routine into extremely stressful with an 'if it can go wrong it will go wrong' sort of a vibe. Still would rather I was having an challenging time with the possible consequences merely being irritating, than C, where the consequences could prove devastating.
Brain all over the place. Am sort of doing normal then tumbling into 'who am I again'?
Heard from fellow soldier's Mum and she's just the same. Not heard from H and R home and having a really important conversation on the sofa with her friend about long socks. I've just got home from the termly departmental staff meeting and I'm going to have a bath and go to bed.
Hope C and everyone safe please Lord.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Wednesday 10 March 2010
Day 158 Week 22
No news from abroad thank Goodness.
Have heard from fellow soldier's Mum and she's terrified too.
Bitterly cold weather. Just came into the house and have whacked the heating on to full and wonder if C's hot or cold. Apparently their seasons don't perfectly mirror ours afterall.
Work was good. Finished the day in a lovely art class with sensitive artists producing awesome pieces of work.
Friend just left and so am into pyjamas and snuggling down on the sofa for a fix of telly and then bed.
Heard from H and he said avoid the news. Not heard from R.
A soldier's greeting prior to combat stems from the Romans and apparently a colleague told me it's 'strength and honour'. C said people still say that today.
More prayers to be said.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Have heard from fellow soldier's Mum and she's terrified too.
Bitterly cold weather. Just came into the house and have whacked the heating on to full and wonder if C's hot or cold. Apparently their seasons don't perfectly mirror ours afterall.
Work was good. Finished the day in a lovely art class with sensitive artists producing awesome pieces of work.
Friend just left and so am into pyjamas and snuggling down on the sofa for a fix of telly and then bed.
Heard from H and he said avoid the news. Not heard from R.
A soldier's greeting prior to combat stems from the Romans and apparently a colleague told me it's 'strength and honour'. C said people still say that today.
More prayers to be said.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Tuesday 9 March 2010
Day 157 Week 22
Saw an article on Newsnight and Sangin is unsurprisingly the most violent area in Afghanistan. One tenth of British forces are deployed in that sector and yet half of all the total casualties, fatal and non-fatal, stem disproportionately from the region. 2 Rifles lost twenty-two men during their whole tour and 3 Rifles have lost twenty-seven already, and they still have a month to serve.
Mess, mess and more mess. Want the horribleness to go away.
Work good. Been in Construction all morning and the lads are great. Young, bouncy, and full of fun. Typical eighteen to twenty year old young men. Sharing information about building or more precisely dry bond plastering practices, and also shedding an insight into social preferences re girls. Quite a joy really.
Looked at them and couldn't help contrasting their daily lives with that of those so many miles away.
Then had my appraisal with my lovely line manager and she is so professional and supportive and looks like I'll start my teacher training in the Summer term and am going to do my higher maths too. Hope the brain up to it, algebraic formulae and sine and cosine horribly rusty these days.
Called in to see my dear friend on the way home and she had seen the simple message C had posted on his wall saying 'back in bandit country', and we just sat in silence for few moments and then broke it by talking in an artificially nonchalant way about making plans for when we all do normal again dv.
Heard from H and he's back calling me spam again, not heard from R and hope she's OK. Not heard from fellow soldier's Mum so hope everything ok for her and her boy.
No more news from or about C but I suppose on many levels that's the best we can hope for.
Keep an eye on him Lord, please.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Mess, mess and more mess. Want the horribleness to go away.
Work good. Been in Construction all morning and the lads are great. Young, bouncy, and full of fun. Typical eighteen to twenty year old young men. Sharing information about building or more precisely dry bond plastering practices, and also shedding an insight into social preferences re girls. Quite a joy really.
Looked at them and couldn't help contrasting their daily lives with that of those so many miles away.
Then had my appraisal with my lovely line manager and she is so professional and supportive and looks like I'll start my teacher training in the Summer term and am going to do my higher maths too. Hope the brain up to it, algebraic formulae and sine and cosine horribly rusty these days.
Called in to see my dear friend on the way home and she had seen the simple message C had posted on his wall saying 'back in bandit country', and we just sat in silence for few moments and then broke it by talking in an artificially nonchalant way about making plans for when we all do normal again dv.
Heard from H and he's back calling me spam again, not heard from R and hope she's OK. Not heard from fellow soldier's Mum so hope everything ok for her and her boy.
No more news from or about C but I suppose on many levels that's the best we can hope for.
Keep an eye on him Lord, please.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Monday 8 March 2010
Day 156 Week 22
Back to square one.
Having been cocooned in a bubble-world of pseudo-normality during the days leading up to Sunday, had not been aware of the tragic deaths of several Riflemen, may God rest their souls, and was stunned into life this morning by my alarm greeting of an article on the Today programme about why the losses should now be running so high. Informed by the unruffled bbc accent that operation Mustarak has had the effect of squeezing the enemy, just like the air in a squashed balloon, out of the heavily militarized zone and up into the lesser well defended land around Sangin.
This happens to be lightly defended in vulnerable forward stations manned at the moment by members of 3 Rifles. As there has been such a huge surge of insurgents away from the not so secret 'big push', the result has been a turkey-shoot, or more precisely a massive, continuous attack on the isolated operating bases out in the middle of nowhere or more precisely no-man's-land.
My son should be at this moment heading there. Well that is if we're lucky enough for him to be safe, because it's back to not knowing again, only this time it feels worse.
Last night was heart breaking. Drove C to his father's and duly sat outside while R bade farewell to him with her step-family, and then he came outside and gave me a massive bear hug and I didn't want to let him go. But was very grown up and brave and gave my love and said good bye and God bless and then drove, with a large hole where my heart should be, around the M25 to drop R at her beautiful old college.
Started the day with the sick feeling restored and then magnified by the aforementioned news bulletin, and then checked my phone and there was a message from C sent at midnight last night. It said 'Love you Mum and see you soon x'.
Heard from H and he's OK. Not heard from R. And no news from C.
Fellow soldier's Mum sends love.
Back to square one indeed Lord, could you please keep him safe again.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Having been cocooned in a bubble-world of pseudo-normality during the days leading up to Sunday, had not been aware of the tragic deaths of several Riflemen, may God rest their souls, and was stunned into life this morning by my alarm greeting of an article on the Today programme about why the losses should now be running so high. Informed by the unruffled bbc accent that operation Mustarak has had the effect of squeezing the enemy, just like the air in a squashed balloon, out of the heavily militarized zone and up into the lesser well defended land around Sangin.
This happens to be lightly defended in vulnerable forward stations manned at the moment by members of 3 Rifles. As there has been such a huge surge of insurgents away from the not so secret 'big push', the result has been a turkey-shoot, or more precisely a massive, continuous attack on the isolated operating bases out in the middle of nowhere or more precisely no-man's-land.
My son should be at this moment heading there. Well that is if we're lucky enough for him to be safe, because it's back to not knowing again, only this time it feels worse.
Last night was heart breaking. Drove C to his father's and duly sat outside while R bade farewell to him with her step-family, and then he came outside and gave me a massive bear hug and I didn't want to let him go. But was very grown up and brave and gave my love and said good bye and God bless and then drove, with a large hole where my heart should be, around the M25 to drop R at her beautiful old college.
Started the day with the sick feeling restored and then magnified by the aforementioned news bulletin, and then checked my phone and there was a message from C sent at midnight last night. It said 'Love you Mum and see you soon x'.
Heard from H and he's OK. Not heard from R. And no news from C.
Fellow soldier's Mum sends love.
Back to square one indeed Lord, could you please keep him safe again.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Sunday 7 March 2010
Day 155 Week 22
The party's well and truly over.
H went back to Dartmouth late this morning. I'm taking C and R to their father's any moment now and then on to London to drop R back at uni.
C then being taken by his father to Brize in the middle of the night and then off to Afghanistan via RAF Airways.
One moment of happiness in an otherwise not very nice day was a lovely stroll by the river with a really nice guy.
Fellow soldier's Mum sends her love and best wishes bless her.
Bless them all please Lord.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
H went back to Dartmouth late this morning. I'm taking C and R to their father's any moment now and then on to London to drop R back at uni.
C then being taken by his father to Brize in the middle of the night and then off to Afghanistan via RAF Airways.
One moment of happiness in an otherwise not very nice day was a lovely stroll by the river with a really nice guy.
Fellow soldier's Mum sends her love and best wishes bless her.
Bless them all please Lord.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Saturday 6 March 2010
Day 154 Week 21
Just had it confirmed that he returns to Afghanistan on day 156. Every second seems to be flying by at an accelerated rate. It's like I'm not inhabiting my own life again.
I hope they've had a lovely day. The night was riotous, woke up this morning to the scattering of bodies all over the floor and took up bacon-sarny duty again. Fed and watered them and then drove to Datchett with an overloaded car for them to catch the train up to Twickenham to watch Harlequins. Hopefully they should be descending home fairly soon where the preferred supper is a take away pizza.
It was gorgeous having them all for dinner last night. Lots and lots of talk and laughter around the table and then things became a little blokey as C's gorgeous girlfriend and myself got roped into a mess drinking game, and it all went horribly wrong as we thought we were helping each other but the opposite was true. Vaguely remember climbing the wooden hill and greeting the mattress at a very adult hour and today has been a lovely day walking around Windsor in the beautiful spring sunshine and playing denial re forthcoming events. Briefly the horrors of war rescinded.
Dear friend round for wine and chat and lots of girl talk and putting the world to right. R in Portsmouth for friend's birthday. C, H and the rest not back from the rugby so presume much consumption of beer on the way home.
Fellow soldier's Mum sent a message bless her, and I think we're in the same boat
Bless them all.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
I hope they've had a lovely day. The night was riotous, woke up this morning to the scattering of bodies all over the floor and took up bacon-sarny duty again. Fed and watered them and then drove to Datchett with an overloaded car for them to catch the train up to Twickenham to watch Harlequins. Hopefully they should be descending home fairly soon where the preferred supper is a take away pizza.
It was gorgeous having them all for dinner last night. Lots and lots of talk and laughter around the table and then things became a little blokey as C's gorgeous girlfriend and myself got roped into a mess drinking game, and it all went horribly wrong as we thought we were helping each other but the opposite was true. Vaguely remember climbing the wooden hill and greeting the mattress at a very adult hour and today has been a lovely day walking around Windsor in the beautiful spring sunshine and playing denial re forthcoming events. Briefly the horrors of war rescinded.
Dear friend round for wine and chat and lots of girl talk and putting the world to right. R in Portsmouth for friend's birthday. C, H and the rest not back from the rugby so presume much consumption of beer on the way home.
Fellow soldier's Mum sent a message bless her, and I think we're in the same boat
Bless them all.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Friday 5 March 2010
Day 153 Week 21
Work was good. The temperature was definitely lower today than it has been for a while. working with a huge bundle of adolescent hormones can sometimes ignite like tinder, but maybe it was the sunshine that changed the mood. Then at last the day finished and drove back through the countryside in the golden glow of sunset and felt sorry for the poor things trapped on the M25 as I whizzed over it.
Was so looking forward to this evening. Went to the supermarket on the way back and stacked up on a gorgeous dinner and lovely wine and pud and arrived home feeling temporarily restored to ebullience.
Walked through the door and immediately knew something was wrong. H had morphed into a six year old with a face that said someone has just taken his favourite toy and jumped on it. Took seconds to discover that the 'toy' in question was a sizeable amount of his clothing and within moments the house had descended into a maelstrom of accusation and counter accusation and it was like going back a decade. C reverted to his former role of peace-keeper and quietly searched upstairs with H by then loudly blaming everyone from R, visitors, to me for loosing his precious goods. Turned out he'd just failed to look properly in the wardrobe and at last thanks to C some of the missing goods were found.
Oh Lord what an opening.
Anyway, harmony restored H then regaled us with the letter he's just sent to the mayor of Albuquerque. He's going there to stay with a friend and friend's father for Spring Break and ever hopeful of a freebee has sent the following message
"Dear Mayor B
My friend and I are two British Naval Officers who are soon to visit your fair city. We notice that we have missed the Mayor and First Lady's Dog Ball and the Balloon Museum open day but we were wondering if you could recommend any events which would truly represent the Albuquerque way of life, and allow us to meet a proper representation of your society.
Very much looking forward to seeing you and New Mexico's finest city
Yours sincerely
H".
That should do wonders to cement the special relationship.
Dinner cooking. R home. H restored and most definitely home. C just popped out to pick up a friend to join us and am very aware he's now unfortunately only very, very, temporarily home.
Fellow soldier's Mum working hard but not sleeping and so very tired of it all.
Must remember we only ever have this moment.
Thank you Lord
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Was so looking forward to this evening. Went to the supermarket on the way back and stacked up on a gorgeous dinner and lovely wine and pud and arrived home feeling temporarily restored to ebullience.
Walked through the door and immediately knew something was wrong. H had morphed into a six year old with a face that said someone has just taken his favourite toy and jumped on it. Took seconds to discover that the 'toy' in question was a sizeable amount of his clothing and within moments the house had descended into a maelstrom of accusation and counter accusation and it was like going back a decade. C reverted to his former role of peace-keeper and quietly searched upstairs with H by then loudly blaming everyone from R, visitors, to me for loosing his precious goods. Turned out he'd just failed to look properly in the wardrobe and at last thanks to C some of the missing goods were found.
Oh Lord what an opening.
Anyway, harmony restored H then regaled us with the letter he's just sent to the mayor of Albuquerque. He's going there to stay with a friend and friend's father for Spring Break and ever hopeful of a freebee has sent the following message
"Dear Mayor B
My friend and I are two British Naval Officers who are soon to visit your fair city. We notice that we have missed the Mayor and First Lady's Dog Ball and the Balloon Museum open day but we were wondering if you could recommend any events which would truly represent the Albuquerque way of life, and allow us to meet a proper representation of your society.
Very much looking forward to seeing you and New Mexico's finest city
Yours sincerely
H".
That should do wonders to cement the special relationship.
Dinner cooking. R home. H restored and most definitely home. C just popped out to pick up a friend to join us and am very aware he's now unfortunately only very, very, temporarily home.
Fellow soldier's Mum working hard but not sleeping and so very tired of it all.
Must remember we only ever have this moment.
Thank you Lord
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Thursday 4 March 2010
Day 152 Week 21
Just visited a friend on the way home and it was good to have a bit of diversion. She sensed the temporary euphoric respite from fear was ending and tried to encouraged philosophical separation of state. Trouble is, can't do philosophical separation of anything just now. Am back to being an emotional vacuum occasionally invaded by frenzied panic.
Popped to the loo in the middle of the night and nearly jumped out of my skin as C was downstairs on the laptop. Came down to talk to him and he was concerned because he'd discovered images of their bases on the front had been posted on a website where you can travel around the world in virtual reality. Obviously quite nice for him to do from the safety of our dining room, but am horrified to think what someone of less virtuous intent could prepare for with such information.
What a strange world we live in.
See the Astronomer Royal has said at a high level conference on the liklihood of life on other planets that it is quite possible alien life is living amongst us right now but in an unrecognisable form. Could it be my brother was not so far-fetched all those months ago? Have to say, unfortunately I experience alien life in an all too familiar form all to often, but then that's another matter.
C enjoying visiting his gorgeous girlfriend's uni. R back at her own establishment of learning and H should be on his way home tomorrow dv.
Fellow soldier's Mum also down now. Wonder how many of us there are out there.
More prayers.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Popped to the loo in the middle of the night and nearly jumped out of my skin as C was downstairs on the laptop. Came down to talk to him and he was concerned because he'd discovered images of their bases on the front had been posted on a website where you can travel around the world in virtual reality. Obviously quite nice for him to do from the safety of our dining room, but am horrified to think what someone of less virtuous intent could prepare for with such information.
What a strange world we live in.
See the Astronomer Royal has said at a high level conference on the liklihood of life on other planets that it is quite possible alien life is living amongst us right now but in an unrecognisable form. Could it be my brother was not so far-fetched all those months ago? Have to say, unfortunately I experience alien life in an all too familiar form all to often, but then that's another matter.
C enjoying visiting his gorgeous girlfriend's uni. R back at her own establishment of learning and H should be on his way home tomorrow dv.
Fellow soldier's Mum also down now. Wonder how many of us there are out there.
More prayers.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Wednesday 3 March 2010
Day 151 Week 21
The poor Rifleman lost wasn't from C's platoon, RIP. Not that removal makes it any better of course.
This is absolutely ridiculous. Have turned into a wimp. Am absolutely bloody knackered all the time, it must be the frame of mind. My old adversary 'dread' has moved next door, not quite in complete residence yet, sort of visiting and making on-the-spot alterations. Scheduled to complete the occupation on Monday when my darling youngest boy returns to his guys and active service, and then my domineering neighbour will be in full possession yet again.
So good to have him home. Don't want him to go back. Don't want people to be trying to kill him all the time. Don't want that constant nausea with all the secondary symptoms of no sleep and spontaneous tearfulness. Just want to be quiet, and calm, and simple. That's the bottom of it all, just want things simple. And of course, safe. Realise that truth be told in the great scheme of things nothing is actually simple or safe and to wish for such is not only unrealistic but also quite childish. Obviously have to return to 'getting a grip'. Unfortunately, emotionally I seem to be throwing the toys out of the pram.
I know what's called for - a lovely long, leisurely, hot bath. Hopefully that should do the trick.
C and R returned from an apparently excellent time in Nottingham and they visited my dear uncle and aunt. They've now gone to R's uni where a friend is cooking them dinner and then afterwards C is going to the cinema with a friend. Not heard from H but thank goodness should be seeing him again this weekend.
Heard from fellow soldier's Mum and thank goodness there too, as all is well with her.
With the help of God we'll all come through this.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
This is absolutely ridiculous. Have turned into a wimp. Am absolutely bloody knackered all the time, it must be the frame of mind. My old adversary 'dread' has moved next door, not quite in complete residence yet, sort of visiting and making on-the-spot alterations. Scheduled to complete the occupation on Monday when my darling youngest boy returns to his guys and active service, and then my domineering neighbour will be in full possession yet again.
So good to have him home. Don't want him to go back. Don't want people to be trying to kill him all the time. Don't want that constant nausea with all the secondary symptoms of no sleep and spontaneous tearfulness. Just want to be quiet, and calm, and simple. That's the bottom of it all, just want things simple. And of course, safe. Realise that truth be told in the great scheme of things nothing is actually simple or safe and to wish for such is not only unrealistic but also quite childish. Obviously have to return to 'getting a grip'. Unfortunately, emotionally I seem to be throwing the toys out of the pram.
I know what's called for - a lovely long, leisurely, hot bath. Hopefully that should do the trick.
C and R returned from an apparently excellent time in Nottingham and they visited my dear uncle and aunt. They've now gone to R's uni where a friend is cooking them dinner and then afterwards C is going to the cinema with a friend. Not heard from H but thank goodness should be seeing him again this weekend.
Heard from fellow soldier's Mum and thank goodness there too, as all is well with her.
With the help of God we'll all come through this.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Tuesday 2 March 2010
Day 150 Week 21
A hundred and fifty days since he first flew out, my goodness it seems like both yesterday and another world away.
Just heard the sad news of the death of another Rifleman from 3 Rifles, and can't get hold of C to (subtly) find out if he knows. He's still up in Nottingham and his phone just goes to voicemail, heavens but I know he'll be gutted to hear the news. It's such a strange feeling to actually know for sure it can't have been C this time, but tragically accept it has to be one of his comrades. God I hate this war.
Not heard from fellow soldier's Mum and just hope all is well with her.
Work was good, if not hard, but the kids were in good form and to be frank activity is far and away the best alternative, idleness precipitates dread. And bonus of bonus, fresh golden sunshine all day. Well apart from the frost this morning when the roads were strewn with cars that had hit ice and lost control.
See that the RAF were scrambled to escort an American aircraft into Heathrow this morning, seemingly they didn't follow it all the way in, and satisfied it was just a woman having a panic attack broke away over Oxfordshire. Hadn't figured we lived in a dodgy area as we are right under the flight path, practically just a few minutes from the airport itself. I suppose the likelihood of raised danger is an occupational hazard when living on the edge of London, you've only really got one choice though because if you gave into the fear of what might be then violence has won without having to flex a muscle.
Just seen some photographs of C on active duty and am arrested by the beauty and simplicity of the content. For all the world it looks like a bunch of mates on an away day, and then you factor in the body armour, weapons and explosions and suddenly it's for real. Holiday from Hell would be an understatement, and yet they all look so happy.
H just sent a message to say he's playing in a Dartmouth 15 against Sandhurst, told him the army whipped the French and he said they're expecting a drumming too - but don't tell C. Heard from R and she's off up to Nottingham to join C and wants to borrow my car tomorrow night. Still can't get hold of C and just hope and pray everything's OK for him.
So very tired at the moment. Don't know why particularly just now.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Just heard the sad news of the death of another Rifleman from 3 Rifles, and can't get hold of C to (subtly) find out if he knows. He's still up in Nottingham and his phone just goes to voicemail, heavens but I know he'll be gutted to hear the news. It's such a strange feeling to actually know for sure it can't have been C this time, but tragically accept it has to be one of his comrades. God I hate this war.
Not heard from fellow soldier's Mum and just hope all is well with her.
Work was good, if not hard, but the kids were in good form and to be frank activity is far and away the best alternative, idleness precipitates dread. And bonus of bonus, fresh golden sunshine all day. Well apart from the frost this morning when the roads were strewn with cars that had hit ice and lost control.
See that the RAF were scrambled to escort an American aircraft into Heathrow this morning, seemingly they didn't follow it all the way in, and satisfied it was just a woman having a panic attack broke away over Oxfordshire. Hadn't figured we lived in a dodgy area as we are right under the flight path, practically just a few minutes from the airport itself. I suppose the likelihood of raised danger is an occupational hazard when living on the edge of London, you've only really got one choice though because if you gave into the fear of what might be then violence has won without having to flex a muscle.
Just seen some photographs of C on active duty and am arrested by the beauty and simplicity of the content. For all the world it looks like a bunch of mates on an away day, and then you factor in the body armour, weapons and explosions and suddenly it's for real. Holiday from Hell would be an understatement, and yet they all look so happy.
H just sent a message to say he's playing in a Dartmouth 15 against Sandhurst, told him the army whipped the French and he said they're expecting a drumming too - but don't tell C. Heard from R and she's off up to Nottingham to join C and wants to borrow my car tomorrow night. Still can't get hold of C and just hope and pray everything's OK for him.
So very tired at the moment. Don't know why particularly just now.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Monday 1 March 2010
Day 149 Week 21
Have come to the conclusion there's just no pleasing people, myself included.
Spent the whole of the last four and a half months limping in a chronic state of anxiety induced near exhaustion towards C coming home again, if we were lucky, and now he's with us and I'm riddled with panic as as he has to fly back out next week. Wonder if I have forever lost the ability to enjoy the here and now without the burden of potential existing or non-existing consequences. Does fear feed on fear.
I just keep looking at him in an almost trance like state of disbelief in that he's actually there in a physical form and not just a sentimental, adored, stash of memory. In essentials he's exactly the same, but definitely more sober and as mother's always know their offspring, I can sense he's grappling with the clash of cultures in which he now exists. He's so so serious. Not that he wasn't capable of gravitas before, it's just he now has that detached coolness harsh lessons learned can instil.
It's like the elephant in the bedroom. Afghanistan is there, but we never mention it. Well unless he does, then it has to be on his terms and respect paid to any sudden desire to change the subject and no longer acknowledge it.
Work is good, a real salvation of normality. H back in Dartmouth, R back at uni and C has popped up to Nottingham to visit friends at uni.
Oh Lord will things ever be the same again.
Fellow soldier's Mum wants the simple life back too.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
Spent the whole of the last four and a half months limping in a chronic state of anxiety induced near exhaustion towards C coming home again, if we were lucky, and now he's with us and I'm riddled with panic as as he has to fly back out next week. Wonder if I have forever lost the ability to enjoy the here and now without the burden of potential existing or non-existing consequences. Does fear feed on fear.
I just keep looking at him in an almost trance like state of disbelief in that he's actually there in a physical form and not just a sentimental, adored, stash of memory. In essentials he's exactly the same, but definitely more sober and as mother's always know their offspring, I can sense he's grappling with the clash of cultures in which he now exists. He's so so serious. Not that he wasn't capable of gravitas before, it's just he now has that detached coolness harsh lessons learned can instil.
It's like the elephant in the bedroom. Afghanistan is there, but we never mention it. Well unless he does, then it has to be on his terms and respect paid to any sudden desire to change the subject and no longer acknowledge it.
Work is good, a real salvation of normality. H back in Dartmouth, R back at uni and C has popped up to Nottingham to visit friends at uni.
Oh Lord will things ever be the same again.
Fellow soldier's Mum wants the simple life back too.
Speak soon. A soldier's Mum x
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